Because an hour later, I was being thrown right into
the pit with a photographer and his insane Nanny Wife...
I rightfully Title this story:
Yesterday I show up to a shoot - Photographer resembles a 300lb, overweight, Kurt Russel. We do the usual dance of introductions and start discussing the what we're going to work on. From initial conversation, I can tell he is a bit pervvy but harmless enough (most common breed - like a splinter in your foot - annoying but not life threatening).
20 minutes in I ask, "So what do you do full time?" He replies, "I own three businesses - one is financing, the other is a car dealership, and the last one is this.....photography!" So I start thinking about how a person who shoots in a basement, on five foot wide material, can shoot fulltime..... it seems like it would be hard to coax clients down into this dungeon. But oh well. The conversation continues - eventually I end up asking, "Are you married?" And he replies, "Oh yes! She is so lovely, she bought me a prostitute for my birthday last year! She can't keep up with all the sex I want to have......." Random? Yes? So I sit there posing, thinking about the lady who bought her husband a prostitute for his birthday and how I think he is talking a big load of shit - but whatever. Keep posing, keep the conversation rolling, that is what it is all about.
Eventually he sets me on edge, he starts talking about all the awkward things.... Like his sex-life - about how he likes to have sex three times a day and his wife just cannot keep up with him anymore. He starts telling me about models who are stalking him, they want to have sex with him, he just cannot get rid of those models (oh yea, 300lb fat guys, we want them all....sure). He talks about how he has $500 in his pocket and it's all mine if I will consider having sex with him..... What the hell is up with that? I have a modeling portfolio - I do not have an escort page.
After he crossed the awkward line, I shut off for conversation - started watching the clock..... basically posing without thinking, posing without talking, posing without paying attention to his - I am officially there to get my money and leave.
OH but No.... it could not possibly be as easy as it usually happens to be....
All of a sudden the wife comes home. The wife is a nanny.... I want you to think - Mary Poppins but mean, angry, Korean, 4 feet tall - just mad at the world, because she was born into it. My photographer starts yelling at me to put some 'real clothes' on......whatever..... She comes running downstairs, calling me a "Whore" and "Slut"... She is right up in my face....totally crazy... So I DEMANDED my money, telling him how he is a total asshole for bringing me into this situation.... He short changed me by $100 ($500 in his pocket, eh?) Just grabbed my stuff and ran at that point - Half way down the driveway - The wife jumps in her car and starts tailgating me.... was so scary. She followed me all the way to the highway, all mean, and angry and on my bumper......
Yesterday was insane.
If your wife is not OK with model-photography
Lock her in a closet and leave her there....... ugh.