Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Accosted by a Nanny....

Quite Ironic that I wrote that post yesterday -
Because an hour later, I was being thrown right into
the pit with a photographer and his insane Nanny Wife...

I rightfully Title this story:


Ready - Set - Here we go.

Yesterday I show up to a shoot - Photographer resembles a 300lb, overweight, Kurt Russel. We do the usual dance of introductions and start discussing the what we're going to work on. From initial conversation, I can tell he is a bit pervvy but harmless enough (most common breed - like a splinter in your foot - annoying but not life threatening).

20 minutes in I ask, "So what do you do full time?" He replies, "I own three businesses - one is financing, the other is a car dealership, and the last one is this.....photography!" So I start thinking about how a person who shoots in a basement, on five foot wide material, can shoot fulltime..... it seems like it would be hard to coax clients down into this dungeon. But oh well. The conversation continues - eventually I end up asking, "Are you married?" And he replies, "Oh yes! She is so lovely, she bought me a prostitute for my birthday last year! She can't keep up with all the sex I want to have......." Random? Yes? So I sit there posing, thinking about the lady who bought her husband a prostitute for his birthday and how I think he is talking a big load of shit - but whatever. Keep posing, keep the conversation rolling, that is what it is all about.

Eventually he sets me on edge, he starts talking about all the awkward things.... Like his sex-life - about how he likes to have sex three times a day and his wife just cannot keep up with him anymore. He starts telling me about models who are stalking him, they want to have sex with him, he just cannot get rid of those models (oh yea, 300lb fat guys, we want them all....sure). He talks about how he has $500 in his pocket and it's all mine if I will consider having sex with him..... What the hell is up with that? I have a modeling portfolio - I do not have an escort page.

After he crossed the awkward line, I shut off for conversation - started watching the clock..... basically posing without thinking, posing without talking, posing without paying attention to his - I am officially there to get my money and leave.

OH but No.... it could not possibly be as easy as it usually happens to be....

All of a sudden the wife comes home. The wife is a nanny.... I want you to think - Mary Poppins but mean, angry, Korean, 4 feet tall - just mad at the world, because she was born into it. My photographer starts yelling at me to put some 'real clothes' on......whatever..... She comes running downstairs, calling me a "Whore" and "Slut"... She is right up in my face....totally crazy... So I DEMANDED my money, telling him how he is a total asshole for bringing me into this situation.... He short changed me by $100 ($500 in his pocket, eh?) Just grabbed my stuff and ran at that point - Half way down the driveway - The wife jumps in her car and starts tailgating me.... was so scary. She followed me all the way to the highway, all mean, and angry and on my bumper......

Yesterday was insane.
So yea.
If your wife is not OK with model-photography
Lock her in a closet and leave her there....... ugh.

5 comments:

will2obey said...

That post really had me ROFLMAO!!!

How often do you get amateurs who just want to see you naked and try to get in your pants? When you get to the beach, can I hire you? I still have my Brownie Hawkeye LOL.

Seriously, I really admire what you are doing. Wish I had done something similar when I was your age. And, Jack Kerouac is one of my favorite writers. There is an open dinner date if you need one while in Virginia Beach, and I promise no hanky panky. My daughter will probably be visiting.
If so, it will be a threesome.

IanBond said...

Jeez louise. This guy is doing what every adolescent fantasizes, but we all need to grow out of. Poor sap is still trying to get casual sex while he's tied to a korean snakewoman.
I assume your instincts will keep you out of these things, cuz one day you could get in between an armed couple and get hurt! Surely it aint worth that...

TJ Photography 80's Photog said...

Hey London.....I loved reading about what happened to you there with the 300lb married boytoy. :) That bamboo pic is pretty nice.

London Andrews said...

Yea, I work with a lot of people who just want to see me naked - but they are usually pretty harmless. I just ask that they are respectful, and most are.

The roadtrip is a lot of fun.... being able to blog about it helps. I feel bad that I didn't start one earlier than the roadtrip - I have stories about midgets, and photographers getting stung by man-o-wars, and all kinds of things.

I do hope that I don't get myself in any kind of real trouble - Usually if things are really bad, I just leave. But I do thank you for worrying... : )

And I agree, Mr. 80's Photographer - The bamboo photo did come out pretty nice. Out of awkward situations - there are still photos to be made. : ) Missed you at the convention - you would have had a blast running around shooting models.

retphoto said...

I love your last line about locking her in a closet and leaving her there.... It reminds me of what I told someone over 20 some years ago...back when i was eating sleeping and breathing with my cameras...I mean I didn't go or do any thing with out them...

A female friend of mine sayes to me, that I can't sleep with my cameras(meaning have sex), and I go true, but when I get tired of them I can lock them in the closet and forget about them.