2009: End of the Year Review

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Steve Photo - NYC Dec 20th

NYC Meetup/Workshop

Caution Tape:

Caution tape everywhere! He puts down his camera. The photographer starts unwinding yards and yards of caution tape from my body. He giggles. I look at him. He giggles again. Suddenly, into the air he leaps, clumsy, mid-stride dancing. He tosses the tape - Yellow streamers explode from this arms - They cover the floor, catch the ceiling fan, they color the couch. He yells wildly, "Look London! Look! I am throwing caution to the wind! Get it!?"

Dc tomorrow - NYC next week

Remember that hellish trip that I took to NYC last year? - I packed too much, surfed a new couch every night, wandered around Manhattan with two suitcases, all by myself, freezing, modeling from 10am-Midnight every night. Yea. That one. The one where I broke down half way through my trip, cancelled all my shoots, bought a train ticket out of the city, and told myself I would never model again....

Breakdowns suck. I do not want to have another one - so here I sit in Austin, trying to plan out, exactly how I can pack for NYC. No more suitcases! I cannot drag another suitcase through the piss and grime in the NY subway. Thought maybe a duffle bag would work but looking at it - how in the hell am I going to pack all my fun wardrobe into that tiny little bag?

Shooting with a killer line-up of photographers on this trip: Persicolor, Ransom, Sanders McNew, and maybe even the well published Richard Kern.

How is the weather!?

It snowed yesterday in Austin. It was beautiful. The sun was shining brightly through the trees in the backyard - the snow was falling softly on the grass. My roommate, John, grabbed his acoustic guitar and started walking around the front yard singing "Walking in Winter Wonder Land".... the snow lasted only ten minutes, but it was magical....

What is not magical, is that it is 19 degrees in Austin this morning and our heat is not working - Freezing! We are wandering around the house in winter hats, boots, an sweatshirts.... I am camped out underneath a heating pad right now....

What is happening - Is an iceage taking place right now? Is 2012 upon us already?...

*hiding under my heating pad, storm-watching for impending glaciers*

Photos: Matthew in Tully. Nov 2008

Thanksgiving in ATX

Last night, our foursquare of roomates, all sat down and had a five minute discussion called: "Thanksgiving .... What does it mean! How shall we celebrate?" The four of us decided that 'Thanksgiving is best spent with all the Old-people-you-love' and without all those Old-people you love, cooking an ten pound turkey is a waste-of-time-and-effort. So Patrick, the roommates, and I are skipping out on the giant bird this year and instead, cooking a bunch of random Turkey related products: Turkey Bacon, Turkey Sausage, maybe Turkey Sandwiches in the evening-time. Hash-browns instead of mashed potatoes. Scrambled eggs instead of Deviled Eggs. Thanksgiving Breakfast! Whooo! Maybe I will even spoil myself with some of that delicious Pumpkin Pie Yogurt (which Titiania mentioned is now being sold at WholeFoodsMarket, mmm)

Tweet-Up Austin

It is hard making friends in a city when you rarely leave the house except to eat food - Signed up as a volunteer for PetsAliveAustin, but the orientation is not until next week - Looked into Meals on Wheels - I am looking into: reading circles, yoga classes, knitting classes, pole dancing classes, pottery - Also, I keep searching for a part-time job that allows me to create my own schedule (but *that* is proving to be completely impossible. I either have to quit modeling or find something to keep me occupied while Pat works his nine hour days)

Anyways - the other day, while perusing Twitter - I discovered a Tweet-up a few miles from my house! Uniting together through the Internet tubes, to drink beer and celebrate life! Whoo! Twitter! - Ha. Twitter Party Definition: Where everyone in the room must have conversations under 140 characters in length!

Invited Patrick and the roommates to attend the Tweet-up but they claimed it was going to be a geek-fest. "Come on, the only kind of people that attend things like that are the people who do not have friends.....They only leave their houses to eat food" Selling point! Count me in! Met so many wonderful local people from the twitter scene - a solar energy technician, a lovely girl who works at the TV station, a few people who work at UT, a guy who lives completely off raw food, even a journalist who writes about plus-sized modeling attended - While I suck at names, I had a blast. Highly recommend that you check out your local get-togethers. Get out of your house, make some new friends, break into a new scene, promote yourself - Even snagged the name of a really talented editor here in Austin that might be able to help me approach writing a book. Life is good.

Photo Credit: Lee Saxon - New Orleans, Aug 2009

Things to keep in mind

"A lot of the time, we are so focused on the things we want to fix, change and improve that it is a distraction from what we are really here to do. If we look closely, this eats up valuable time and energy that we can never get back. Let this be our focus. The task at hand, for each individual, is to focus - inward not outward. Connecting with our Self, our Light, and make the spiritual journey to freedom. We must reverse every thought, emotion, attitude and belief that traps us. We must purify our thoughts, forgive everything, care about everyone, have a good attitude and choose actions motivated by love. Warm, caring, compassionate, forgiving, friendly - this is what we want to be around. This is what we should become.”

Perrydactyl

Perrydactyl, the kitty that I adopted from Meth-Motel in Dayton Ohio, turned out to be a girl kitty (and is now stuck with the name Perrydactyl for the rest of her life) - She is pretty awesome. Just had her spayed a few weeks ago and she has been adventuring around the front yard - thought I would update with some photos - mostly because she is just so cute and all....

'Ask any question' - Day!

Keep me entertained. I figure that while I sit here, watching boring FinalCutPro tutorials all day - perhaps today can be a day of questions! : ) Ask me anything and I shall answer.....

Taking the month off

Patrick got a job while I was in the UK! He started on Thursday, working full-time for a itty-bitty local distribution company Downtown. Seems to really like it - great hours (9-6), good people, small company, dress down everyday, twice the pay he was making in Cleveland (he loved his job but was only making $7.50 in Ohio)

With that said, for the first time in two years, Patrick is going to have a little extra money in his account and he is covering my rent for this month! Yay! This means I can finally join a gym, get a library card, check out some of the local parks, visit all the wi-fi cafes, find a bookshelf, go thrifty shopping, get to know Austin, hang out with my kitty! Also, I am working through all the custom photo-sets and video-sets that people ordered last month... Finished five of the photo-sets (still not to late to order one), but as for video, I am still watching tutorials for FinalCutPro - I want to learn how to edit video on my Mac before I start turning out videos - give me a week.

E_String, Danny - London, UK

When the 'photographer' FINALLY dropped me off at Erin's place -twas a breath of fresh air in a hot, stuffy, uncomfortable situation - Could care less if she was actually home or not. At that point, I would have gladly curled up on her front steps... in the freezing rain all night...

 

I was elated to discover that Danny was actually home, though. Danny or Erin are moderators for modelmayhem.

Erin gave me my own bedroom and took some time off to go sightseeing with me. While I was with the 'photographer' - I had the chance to see some of Kent, the White Cliffs of Dover,  Erin, Danny and I stayed closer to home and hit up Trafalgar Square, The National Gallery, Salvages (a fancy fashion-mall full of Runway clothing). Watched movies, ate lots of take-out food, cooked marshmallows in the fireplace, cuddled up with her kitties. Danny brought me tea in bed every day (bless that man!) - Erin made hot ham and cheese sammiches... : ) Both her and Danny took a day to shoot some photos of me. Had a chance to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day on Nov 5th at the Crystal Palace - celebrating treason against Parliament!

In the end, the best time spent in London, UK - was spent shooting with Erin and her Rolliflex - Wait till you see the photos.

London, UK

Been trying to write this blog about London, UK for most of the weekend - Not sure what to say - I did not have a great time. I wish that I never went. If you read this blog often, I am sure you have noted that I am a bit too trusting at times. This is a quality that I both despise and cherish. While I do put myself in situations that are uncomfortable... usually, I can stumble through them. I test myself with them, learn from them - It helps me to understand who I am better - I take more chances than I probably should. And yes, maybe someday I will end up dead somewhere. But most people are good people, if I approached life thinking otherwise - I would not be who I am.

The day that I flew into London, one of blog readers from Becker's blog, picked me up at the airport! He booked a trendy hotel in downtown Soho to shoot in. And afterwards, he took me out exploring the city. Even though it was "just a bridge," he gave into my pleas to explore the famous Harry Potter Millennium bridge - We visited London bridge, London eye from a distance, grabbed some Bitters at a great little pub on the Thames. Wandered around Piccadilly Circus.

The guy who booked my trip to London picked me up on Friday  - I spent most of my weekend in constant fear after he took away my passport and threatened to cancel my flight home if I did not work with him - We had agreed to playboy styled nudes - but I walked into a situation with strap-on-dildos, a naked photographer in the woods, a male-model getting caned on the floor... Since I signed a contract saying that I would work with this 'photographer' four hours every day from Friday-Monday evening. Spent most of my freetime sleeping until Noon, drinking myself into a near coma at the local pubs or reading my books, trying to submerge myself into any other world other than the one I was in. The 'p

hotographer' had a print-out of my limitations, and yet, I found myself being pushed again and again - Acting out perverse fantasies.  He just enjoyed watching me suffer.

There was no sex, but it felt even more disgusting than bodily harm - I felt emotionally manipulated, in a heightened state of fear and anxiety.

By Monday morning, I shut-down completely. I barely felt like a human being anymore. I kept checking my phone, hoping 6pm would happen so I could get my passport and my flight ticket home - I am 100% sure that he would have been vindictive enough to cancel my ticket home if I did not follow through with working with him. If I learned anything on this trip, it is that I will absolutely NEVER let a photographer buy my ticket to another country EVER again in my LIFE! Ever. I was on edge every-second I was there. I am shaking while I write this post. I feel damaged.

I would want to go into detail about what happened in the UK, I do (the world should know about the dark side of the modeling industry) - but I am not going to. The 'photographer' reads this blog. I just want to put all of this behind me. This trip broke me. And it will take me a long time to put all my pieces back together. 

Leaving for London UK

Today is the day - passport in hand, headed to the airport in a couple of hours, destination "London" - Excited, nervous, good mix of a bunch of emotions.... everything seems back on track. Lets hope this all works out!

Patrick, best boyfriend ever, is driving three hours to get me to DFW - One of the most insane airports ever. American Airlines - I will be getting into London at 10:30am tomorrow. My photographer for Thursday, is meeting me outside of baggage - I am relying on a lot of things to just 'happen' - hope they do.

*crosses fingers*

Lurch to the Capitol

Attended "Lurch to the Capitol" - The zombie protest march for equal rights. Three hundred zombies, with oozing flesh wounds, descended upon the state Capitol on Sunday. "We eat brains! But how does that give people the right to swing their bats in ours faces or shoot us up with their shotguns!? We are all citizens of the United States (or used to be) and should be treated with the same respect that you give your neighbor." Zombies picketed. Signs scrawled in bloody letters, read, "Give me rights or I will eat your brains!" "Perhaps, someday, when you die, you will care too." "Michael Jackson lives!" Small children, little tote dogs, a zombie with an undead baby hanging out her stomach - dead people everywhere.

After the protest, all the zombies who were of-age, were led to a local bar here in Austin called Club De Ville, which threw a free kegger for all bloody dancing zombies! Swaying to the hypnotic beats of Thriller, downing Fireman's Ale - enjoying the company of both the living and the undead - all things, finally, seemed to be right in the world.

....Well - until the zombies got drunk and ate the bartenders...

But.... that is another story....

Getting ready for London, UK!

Been in Austin for about a week and a half now - Pat and my roomies have the munchies and keep eating all the chocolate-chip cookies I picked up at Herbet E. Butt's grocery store this morning.... It's cool - Haven't smoked in years. Always end up lethargic, snoring in the corner.... Instead, I sit..... enjoying my state's LoneStar beer, working on Pat's Halloween costume. Ha. Drinking for a cause! Patrick is building a full suit of armor created from LoneStar beer cans (Origin, you ask? Red Fang on youtube - 'Prehistoric Dog' - Check it out).... Crafty idea for a Halloween costume....

GOING TO BE IN LONDON, UK for Halloween this year (do they celebrate the freedom of slutty costumes in the UK?!) A photographer bought me a ticket to fly to to London UK in two weeks to shoot with him! *excited*

Why Austin?

Whenever I mention to people that I have always wanted to live in Austin Texas - They usually screw up their face like they smell poop in the conversation, "Eww Reallllly? Texas? Why would anyone want to move to TEXAS?" ....... I have gotten used to how they spit the word out of their mouths. "Texas"- Wishing it was a physical form they could step on, kick and abuse.... It is ok. People either know about Austin TX or they do not... it is ok....

Austin is like the oasis of Texas - It's own Republic - A little blue city in the midst of a giant red state. Voted #1 place to live in Money Magazine 2006, and #3 in 2009. Also voted the Greenest City in America by MSN. This place has it's own culture, it's own style, it's own niche' - Everyone looks like someone you would like to know. Huge Burning Man community is located down here (Burning Flipside is next month) and they DO keep Austin Weird - today, all the people who did not get into Austin City Limits, can attend a Zombie Concert down the road for free.... zombies and beer! Bikes bikes and more bikes - Austin loves to bike, Austin City Limits only proves that..... In fact, Lance Armstrong, who owns a bike shop here in Austin, is out riding around town today with anyone who would like to join him.... Voted #1 college town by the Travel Channel, Austin's slogan is 'The Live Music Capital of the World' - Austin has more music venues per capita than any other U.S. city (for Pat and I, that is a huge seller - we are live music junkies - Beauty Bar seems to have a bunch of fun shows) Music festivals of the year involve: SouthXSouthWest and Austin City Limits. They have a Record Store down here called WaterLoo that still has in-store shows and they hand out beer! Tons of hiking, biking, yoga classes all over town - Average age is 28 years old. Average sunshine is 300 days a year....

Yea - this city pretty much rules all other cities. Lakes, rivers, hills, beautiful people, fun things to do every-single-day/night.... This city is happiness.

Photos: Austin Skyline, Hill Country just outside the city, SXSW on 6th Street downtown Austin, Barton Springs

New home - Austin!

Traveled down to San Antonio to stay with my buddy, Tim Summa. Tim has always been a good friend of mine. He first wrote me in 2005, when I was traveling with Matthew. Offered us a free place to crash, keys to his house, keys to his car, full use of his studio, all the equipment I could possibly ask for, a workshop where I would make money without leaving his house. At first, it put me on edge a bit, kept thinking to myself, "Sounds too good to be true.... this guy probably watches Silence of the Lambs on repeat. Probably raises Moths in his basement. When I get there he is going to steal my makeup, snatch my heels, dance around his bedroom naked...." Ha. But get this. Tim is really really really nice person.... among many things (...mostly, I find him fascinating) - he sincere, honest, incredibly welcoming to all his guests....

When I told Tim that I was moving down to TX, he immediately offered up his spare bedroom within seconds, "Be it three weeks or three months - you guys both have a free place to stay as long as you need it."

Ha - I will not take any credit for finding the apartment! Sounds silly and ridiculous - You will probably think that I am overreacting - but for me, the idea of finding a residence to live in is a completely terrifying concept (terrifying). Living in one place, seeing the same people, doing the same things over and over again - knots my stomach into dry heaves. When I explained this to Patrick, who had just traveled the US with me for two months, he understood where I was coming from. Pat took initiative and starting researching Austin himself, immersing himself in craigslist ads for hours, occasionally reading ads outloud to see if I would be interested....

Arrived in San Antonio Tuesday - by Friday Pat had set up four walk-throughs - by Sunday, we had an apartment!

Never apartment hunted before - very exciting! Knew that I would not be able to settle for

anything less than what I pictured - Nice, clean house (not apartment complex) with a lot of natural light, under $600 in rent. An apartment that would allow pets (but did not have pets) - - cool roommates that would not mind if people crashed in the livingroom now and then - It also had to be less than 5 miles from downtown.

Moved all our stuff in yesterday! Paid our first month's rent ($450 total) - Pat has been interviewing for 'real' jobs all week - manager positions, insurance desk jobs - I am looking for a part-time bartending position - that way I can still travel a couple days a week, but I will be forced to stay home in Austin and meet some local people.... I want Austin to be home. I really do.

Photo Credit: Emmett! Shot yesterday at a super seedy fun Motel in San Antonio!

Carlsbad Caverns National Park

Arizona to Texas, I always considered the interstate to be the best bet - straight, fast, lots of lanes to pretend I am driving a roadster - Will say that I was incredibly elated, though, to find out that you can cut through Alamogordo NM, into the Guadalupe Mountains Range. Same mileage, the sluggish speed limit adds about an hour and a half to the trip - but worth it. Felt like I was back in Colorado! The higher altitude makes everything so green. Towering trees - deer - cute little cottages, in the middle of nowhere.... Screw Interstate 10 - from now on I planning on driving through the mountains range.....

Stopped at a little pet-friendly motel in Carlsbad for the night. Nine hours on the road, Perry was pretty excited to finally get out of her cage. She was jumping all over the windows, climbing in the tub, running over the table.... finally she climbed up in the cubbyhole next to our bed, stuck her paws over the side, and passed out.... ha... love that cat.

Carlsbad Caverns is fantastic. One of my favorite National Parks... created by an inland sea that dried up - The caverns were carved by sulfuric acid which was created by the combination of oxygen in water with hydrogen sulfide gas from the oil deposits far below the surface. As the mountains rose, the water table dropped, dissolving the limestone and leaving behind immense underground chambers. The 'Big Room' at Carlsbad is large enough to hold six football fields. Pat and I hiked in 750 feet below the earth's surface - still amazes me when I think about it.

Later that evening, Pat and I returned to the cave to watch the Mexican freetails bat fly - something that I have never had the chance to experience.... The audience is so silent during the bat-flight - was really beautiful.

Harbin/LA

After exchanging emails with our neighbors at Burning Man - Patrick, Matthew, and I packed into the car to enjoy our three hour line out of the festival. Matt, who was sleeping before he climbed into the backseat, quickly disappeared behind the bike tires, the sleeping bags, the camping equipment....

Passing through Sacramento - I saw my first brush fire in California. Sky darkened by smoke, helicopters circling overhead, dumping water. As we made our way to Harbin Hot Springs, I was sure that we were going to drive head-first into the blaze - Every switchback in the road had me digging my nails into the passenger seat....

I have written about Harbin - I will do so again. This place is a total gem. Set back from the town, built on the side of a mountain - a spiritual retreat for the naturalist soul. Many full-time residents live at Harbin - Many full-time residents teach different classes on New Age Thought through dance, movement, and community. Matt and I attended a fantastic Brazilian dance one night with artists visiting from South America... Barefoot feet leaping, pounding across the floor, bodies undulating in a smokey darkness, collapsing in exhaustion. Community. Harbin has always been a love of mine since I stumbled across it last year... Matthew was so blown away. I see Harbin as being a staple in our lives for a very long time...

Once I hit LA, it was back to work - Left Matthew and Patrick with my good buddy Denny, who is a photographer, in Pasadena. Ha. Seriously - Denny is such an awesome dude.... As soon as we walked into his home, he handed us each a homebrew beer and challenged everyone to a blowdart competition. Spent a lot of time working while I was in Los Angeles but I cannot explain to you, how nice it was to come home to a house full of people that I love. Last day in LA, Denny photographed Patrick, Matthew, and I together with his large-format camera.... He printed it on cyanotype. Great photo - Matt is skinny, Patrick is comfortable hanging out in boxers, and I am wearing someone else's underwear.... ha... If I was not a topless shot, it would make the perfect roadtrip card to send home to the family....

Photos: San Fran with John Grey and Kimmery