Writing this from my Grandmother's house... either the weather in Central NY is affecting my Internet connection or the Cranberry juice I accidentally dumped all over my computer last week fried something important. Either way... there is no Internet - no way, no how.... Wish I had something exciting to tell you about.... but when life is slow.....stories are slow. Hanging out with friends this week - trying to see everyone before I leave town. Still doing the bartending classes. Graduate Thursday night. I really enjoy making drinks.. if only I can remember the difference between a BayBreeze and SeaBreeze, life should be good..
Trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Pretty much, no matter what I do, I keep returning to the same two options over and over again - Cleveland (which I am leaning towards because it is full of love, warmth - yet snow, sleet, hail, ice, buses, big coats, living in a basement), Austin (warm weather, mustang, flipflops, outdoor bars to bartend... but lonely, on my own, starting over alone, always alone).
What to do? What to do? What to do? I feel like I should just pick something different so I stop focusing on these only two options...
The other day, Tracy told me that I am afraid of commitment. Personally, I do not believe that is true (yet here I am, dwelling on the idea... ) I don't know. Do you think I am afraid of commitment? I feel like my problem is less of a commitment thing... and more like a fear of living a life that is monotonous - Relationships become monotonous...... I also know that when I am in a relationship, I have a habit of forgetting everything that is important to me outside of said-relationship... including dreams, people, life, friends, freetime. I do it often and it makes me sad. It is hard to keep both a relationship
with someone you love in one hand and then everything that you have aspired to do in the other.. especially when it involves traveling and moving around - I guess in the perfect world, you would be able to combine the two but like most circumstances, including mine.... That is just not possible.
What am I going to do if I move to Cleveland? Buy a sunlamp?
I feel like getting rid of the blog. I feel like I am letting people down - so many depressing emails about what I should do with my life... Guess I should get going, need to go pick Matt up before heading off to class. Hope you are all doing well.
The other day, Tracy told me that I am afraid of commitment. Personally, I do not believe that is true (yet here I am, dwelling on the idea... ) I don't know. Do you think I am afraid of commitment? I feel like my problem is less of a commitment thing... and more like a fear of living a life that is monotonous - Relationships become monotonous...... I also know that when I am in a relationship, I have a habit of forgetting everything that is important to me outside of said-relationship... including dreams, people, life, friends, freetime. I do it often and it makes me sad. It is hard to keep both a relationship
with someone you love in one hand and then everything that you have aspired to do in the other.. especially when it involves traveling and moving around - I guess in the perfect world, you would be able to combine the two but like most circumstances, including mine.... That is just not possible.
What am I going to do if I move to Cleveland? Buy a sunlamp?
I feel like getting rid of the blog. I feel like I am letting people down - so many depressing emails about what I should do with my life... Guess I should get going, need to go pick Matt up before heading off to class. Hope you are all doing well.
15 comments:
One of the joys of Central NY, are little suprizes like this. But, dont let it get you. I heard 60 by Friday. I think of it as a little reminder.
BayBreeze-Vodka/Cranberry/Pineapple
Seabreeze-Vodka/Cranberry/Grapefruit
I screw them up too, so you are not alone.
I guess with reguards to your three choices: What does your head and your heart tell you? I think this is one time the two of them might want to agree. Whatever you do, do it to the fullest(Like you always do).
You are not letting anyone down! Dont even think that. Everyone goes up peaks & down valleys. For lack of better words it called..... life. Everyone needs to just bear down & keep moving up that peak. The view from the top is always worth it.
Good to hear from you. I was starting to get nervous. I hope class was good. See you Saturday.
: )
Hi Jess,
good to hear from You!
One is still fine down in Bavaria, awaiting and training for surgery 2 on Monday, all good so far!!
As I meant once before, this blog is YOUR blog, YOU decide, You post and YOU don't.
When YOU feel like it.
I'd never dare to press You on Your email to continue blogging.
YOUR choice and YOUR heart decides what is next, which in the past, made this blog so much alive and taking, nothing else.
Speaking only for myself, I feel not let down at all.
How far from reality can one be that expects nonstop posts all the time?
And sending depressing things instead of flowers and joyful stuff!!!
Bloody egoists!!!
You are so lucky to have a Grandma with Internet!
Life can't be exciting all along, so please be patient with it!
Body and soul need some rest sometimes, not sooooooo exciting....
The difference between Bay breze and Sea breeze must be a handfull of sand in BayBreeze....? ;)
Or a splash of salt water in SeaBreeze....
Any comments about snow?
C'mon, Norway had the first snow this year in beginning of September, that luckily went again. Shorts weather afterwards til beginning of October...
Bavarian Alps have snow down to 1700 ft tomorrow, which is said to go again...
Good to have three options, I miss #4!
LONDON, GB, Europe, bartending there!!
Understand the point in avoiding in being too lonesome in wintertime.
Sunlamp is very good idea, wood-burner with pane maybe second best idea, meditating into the flames, writing letters and emails, reading exciting books and enjoying life, no rush, maybe an option.....?
Figuring out what to do with my life in winter '92/93,
a sort of steady working situation and a wooden mountain cabin with a cosy wood burner,in a beautifull nature surrounding helped me greatly, because I had all the time of the world to make up my mind ( which I eventually did), no time press or money shortage....
Working with people during the day didn't make me feel too lonesome in the evenings and weekends, though I had no internet then....
Found that, inspite of all good advice from others, I had to find and do my way by myself, ALL by MYSELF, but this was soooooo joyful and thrilling...
(Now there is sleet on my roof-window at my parents, it'll be white tomorrow morning...)
Concerning Pat, never say never...., I mean it!!
Give it a rest until some day.Set this topic to the Universe and let it work.
They work reliable.No supervision required!!
(Not telling You about the cristal ball under my bed...;) )
Listen to Your HEART, it knows all.....
Instead of having to decide what to do a WHOLE winter season, You might split it up and start some option "??" for some months,as long as YOU like, proceeding to option "next", some months after, to come to an maybe all topping and smashing option "Last" or "Best" in the end!!
...and lived happily ever after....
How's that??
Wishing You all the really best for now,
from the Bavarian Alps......
Well, to tell you the truth, the weather in dear old Blighty is rather bracing right at the moment.
Though don't let that stop you popping over... ;o)
hey yeah crazy girl ! This is Rockie from Vancouver ! Hey send me your email. I have a ton of images to show you. just setting up a gallery for ya right now.
email me at: rockie@therockphotography.com
Looking forward to connecting wth ya.
Follow your heart, my lady. You can find other ways to keep warm in Cleveland. :-)
Annette
Just sending some good thoughts your way.
Yeah, the weather in Huntsville sux, too: Brutally sunny and highs in the lower 70s. But it has to get better ...
Don’t give up the blog. It is a great way to stay in touch. Who cares when you update it, that is the beauty of a blog you share things with others when you feel like sharing. If people don’t get that maybe they can blog about it instead of complaining to you about not updating every day with every little detail of your life. To blog, is a choice a person makes to share a piece of their life for others to learn and experience life through another person’s eyes. Sorry about the rant, it was not an attack on anyone. I just want people who read your blog to understand this is by your choice alone to share your perspective of life. Do I need to fix your computer for you? Cranberry juice is good for you not for your computer. Myrtle Beach with Matt sounds like the best choice to me. You are good for each other; you both have plenty of time to figure out what you want in life. Enjoy it don’t rush it. The weather is good there year round and it is all about the costal Carolina way of life (slow and easy). Plus it is the South baby, and you can not go wrong with that. Still missing you here, Eli is still your biggest fan. Sara wanted me to pass on this tip the “Bay is sweet (pineapple) and the Sea is bitter (grapefruit)” she says that helps her to remember the difference. We all love you here, come on back anytime. Hugs and love to you and Matt.
Go with your heart. Do what is right within yourself. Is it the masses you attempt to please inside yourself? Fear not for the feelings of others when it comes to your own world should be put in perspective. For I can not do what makes everyone else happy and be miserable within myself.
May the milk of human kindness pour well on your cereal bowl of life.
;)
So I see you installed Cranberry Juice 2.0 on you computer...Ouch!
You always have something exicting to talk about...your you! Listen when life is slow... that just means life is telling you to rest a little bit... recharge.
At least you know what the weather in Cuse is going to be like... here in Cali... we can't tell anymore.
So did we graduate with honors at bartending school. I remember when I when I took that class. The instructor looked at all the guys and said, "Gentlemen... take a look around the room... you will never make as much in tips as these ladies". :)
You know... Option three, to me, seems to be the good choice. Myrtle Beach and Matt would be fun for you to reset and build that artistic fire that burns within.
So just sit back... drink some tea and relax. Then go for it... Life's to short to stress.
ps
Gotten any new tea flavors lately?
It was 60 by today.... nothing more enjoyable tha
Put all my drinks of flashcards... have yet to use them. Suppose I should make Matt flash me (he does so anyway... it was all that naked Burning Man in his blood.. he cannot stop being naked around me now... ugh!)
My heart says Cleveland.
My head says Austin.
My friends says Cleveland then Myrtle Beach for the winter....
I say, just let me go to South by Southwest this year.... that is all.
My PD, I shall see you tomorrow. : ) If I look like hell and you do not recognize me.... well, that will be my Halloween party talkin... sure it won't be that bad though. Will be nice to meet you!!! You will be the second blog reader, who is not related to my previous job, that I have had the pleasure to hang out with... : )
Rocky... email has been sent.... send me photos, I am being photography-starved right now.... haven't seen new work in weeks.... I miss pretty photos.
Annette I love you.
Jim - If I make it down to Austin, sometime someway.... I am going to be stopping in Huntsville to visit DK.... and you and I should definitely grab lunch or something. In the meantime, put your weather into the mailbox and ship it to CNY for me... ok?
Hey Victor - tell Sara that she saved my mixin-drink life and I owe her both a Baybreeze and SeaBreeze next time I see her... : )
Geo - are you bones? Because this awesome someone just sent me a box of Magic Tea in the mail and Matt and I have been living off of it all weekend.... haha.... you are so lovely. Thanks for thinking of us..... Matt and I are both broke as hell right now, so I figure we can just live off Magic Tea and stay alive, skinny and well... hahaha...... : ) Hope you have a box for yourself, the mint is so yummy...
YupYup...it me.
Glad you got it!
Good to hear you're enjoying it!
Forget that commitment crap. You just have a lot of options and it sounds like you're making a tough decision.
One thing that is wonderful about your life is that say you choose Cleveland, and you don't like it, you can leave.
I used to always say geography doesn't dictate happiness. I now know that's kind of horseshit. It doesn't create a mandate, but geography sure can make it a hell of a lot easier to stay not miserable.
May I weigh in and put down my vote for Austin? Austin + you is the perfect combo. I spent my college days there and I've always been yearning to go back. Great atmosphere, great people, and very little COLD weather! :) Come on, you've got to love a city with the self-deprecating motto, "Keep Austin Weird!"
Love & Twinkies,
Victoria
I am excited you are moving, I think being with Pat will make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. I really think you glow when you are around him. You always talk about him in such a loving way. Some things have changed with myself. After Christmas I am moving to a farm near Akron. It's a free house for the next 6 months to year. Chris's aunt moved to Europe and needs someone to live there while she is gone.
reread this chapter,
found that I had completely missed out the commitment part!
Was it added later?
You like fire and You like water.Great!
You want both:
possible combinations:
put water in the fire, fire goes out.
put fire in the water, fire goes out
swim in icecold water, (not very long) and warm Yourself on some big fire afterwards.
Heat Yourself on the fire and jump into ice-cold water to refresh.
put water on fire in a pot/ tub, it gets nice and warm, like a hot spring, but not too long, then it eventually starts boiling and evaporates...
....if You don't add some cool water every now and then, to keep proper bathing temperature....
Here fire and water can be in the same place,in life sometimes they are not so close....
who wants to spend weeks/ months in a hot spring, 24 hrs a day?
In my eyes, a relationship obstructing to dreams of one of the two, never lasts long, the feeling of being a free bird in a cage appears too soon and destroys all.
Only free birds can decide to come back and stay (for a winter....)until they want to fly again....
and come back soon.....
all the very best to You!!
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