Sunday, October 19, 2008

Words.

I love words. This morning, after re-reading a few of my previous posts, I decided that I need to work on broadening my vocabulary away from "awesome," "lovely," and "wonderful." Also, due to recent events of cussing in front of small children, I need learn to censor myself in front of certian audiences, perhaps veer away from cussing completely?... *Fucking hell, every fucking thing that is fucking fun dies like a slut-motherfuckin-bitch cunt ass hoe lickin whore!*.... Perhaps search for some new compelling new rhetoric wrap around my vocal cords.. words like, "factitious" or "unbeknownst" or perhaps "erroneous zonas"...

Since I am no longer spending three hours a day on MM,
I have made a New Years Resolution (I start my New Years when I damn well choose, mother fucker....) to browse my Thesaurus for at least 30 minutes a day... Lets hope that in the next few months, I can do you better than, "awesome" or "wonderful," eh?

While I was in Cleveland last week, I wrote this great long blog entry about all the things happening out there.... my feelings..... personal stuff like that. About six paragraphs in... my computer crashed, unleashing my delightful thoughts to wander the computer netherworld.... Guess what you need to know is that I fucking miss my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, Patrick-friend that is oh-so-kissable... I miss him. I miss his fuzzy face. I miss the way that we fit into bed together... I miss stupid things like how he reads his comics that I cannot figure out why they are funny but he laughs like they were created to make you piss yourself. And all our personal jokes that no one outside us would understand. And how he has these huge arms that can wrap around me almost twice.... How he fills this emotional void with invisible arms that can wrap around that void.... like twice.... He is one of my best friends, regardless as to what happened.... I miss him so much when he is not around. So that leaves me with a conundrum... Persue life in Cleveland for the winter, wrapped up with Patrick - or move down to Austin to start a new life and hope he follows sometime?

I just do not know. I want both Austin and Patrick - together... rolled up like one of those yummy pigs-in-a-blanket thingies... mmm. But it is either a hotdog or a croissant... and neither is all that good without the other... you know? Oh god, what am I talking about? I promise I will not turn this into some kind of gushing girly-blog... or a recipe book.....

Managed to get some things done this week - like tomorrow I will be starting bartending classes here in Syracuse.... 5-10:30pm, four days a week, Monday-Thursday. 90 percent hands on training, 10 percent book-work.... all made possible by NYS Educational Department. Planning on starting a DeviantArt page to cope with the loss of my ModelMayhem site.... While I do not need to model, I do need art in my life...

(PD! Hey! I got your package.... it was incredibly witty and thoughtful of you. : ) As long as you promise not to kidnap me or maim me or steal your shirt back... I would love to hang out sometime while I am in town.... lets count on it.... hate numbers, toss me your email, I wont post it... whoo!)

Photo Credit: AntarH. One is edited, the others are just fun. Wardrobe: GirdleBound

6 comments:

Dubbayoo said...

I wouldn't punch a girl in my bed if she said ""Oh god, that was SO awesome"....unless she turned out to be a man...then I'd punch us both.

Bones said...

Bartending classes? That was my favorite class. Remember your speed rack...

Pigs-in-a-blanket thingies... thought you didn't like hotdogs?

Exquisite, phenomenal photos...and on my B-day!

You can use those words? :)

forestviking said...

Lots of questions, lots of nice pics, I like nr2 from top best!

The point is quite clear what YOU want,
what is it that he wants, that might in that case just be as important.....

AND What does Your heart say?

Ever so pleased to find You were not so shocked by some futurous aspects of bartendering in Austin to abandon the whole thing. ( Never really thought You would!)
Appreciate very much taking the basic lessons first! Good luck!
As some advanced training, You are welcomed to visit and train 6 or more 1-liter beer mugs in each hand ! eventually! Bavarians are crazy!

As in my experience, I decided in the past not to give up the dream for a person, but follow my heart and pursue the dream( which I did) and now, some years later meeting again on somewhat changed premises.... to be strongly recommended!
Outcome not logically predictable....
And so thrilling!!

PD said...

Ever notice, the computer ALWAYS goes down at the wrong time? Fate, coincidence, rotten luck. Its like it knows. Its always the little things in relationships that mean the most. Its those things that make it special, & you end up missing the most. How many weeks is your bartending class? As one, welcome to the brother/sisterhood. May all your glasses be clean, and the tips big.
Jessica, if I kidnapped you, not only would I have a ton of trouble come down on me, I would have no one to talk to. Kinda hard to talk to someone when they are bound & gagged. Like I said, the shirt screamed you. Enjoy.

ninjaphoto nudes said...

Bartending, eh? One thing my boss taught me was that bartending is 20% knowledge and 80% personality. It's pretty close to the mark. Hope you're doing well!

Andrew said...

Good luck with the Bartending Classes. And with the DA site as well. DA isn't a bad spot on the web. You may want to check out Wetcanvas too, if you like art.

How is the break from modeling going? I hope that you find your path. Once you get off, it can be hard battle to get back.