Shooting for Penthouse today...

.... and there are so many famous pornstars here.... Laura Lee, Andi Anderson... Dylan Ryder is here... she is a little control-crazy and is pissing off all the hairstylists a lot. Never been on a shoot like this - there is a lot of time between sets, lots of wardrobe changes, they have catering and assistants and things..... The makeup artists here on set are killer. You should see my face, I have never been this sexy in my life! - I will mention that even with the make up, I still feel a little out of place here.... it is kind of like a bad dream .... Like that dream, where you are on stage and you realize you are naked - And then the entire audience is full of hot skinny blonde chics from California.... all the girls here have fake boobs, manipulated bodies, they are size 4, with manicured nails, hair extensions, perfect white teeth ... They look like real sex-dolls. I am just me - I am plus sized and I have nice boobs.... I am flattered to be here and everything - but I just don't feel like I fit in at all....

Steve Anderson and Betsy

Trip to Los Angeles

Even though it was cloudy - the moment I got my hands the rental car, I texted Fedora to see if she wanted to go to Santa Monica Pier for the evening. I figured dinner, a few drinks... a pretty sunset with a pretty girl. Turns out Samantha was free as well. Drove by the Vibe (remember the neat little hostel that I raved about last year).... picked the girls up... headed west down the Blvd, oceanside in view. Wow. Was it worth it. Fedora, Sam and I were all dancing around in the water, talking about modeling and life and boys, experiencing this beautiful mind-blowing sunset - Out in the distance, through the colorful ripples of the sea, a school of dolphins swam by (followed by rainbows and fuzzy pinks slippers, right?...) - It was like watching the end of Free Willy, but with lots of little mammals instead of just a single one.

Life is really busy out here. It is a good kind of busy..... lots of people, faces... things to do. It is exhausting to shoot four times in a day... moving from one studio to the next studio... re-introducing yourself to each new person, catching up with friends, trying to find a creative hub - And while it is exhausting - At the very same time, it is extremely gratifying to survive four shoots in a 24 hour period.... I feel high. I feel like I have been spinning in circles all day. I feel like I have been living off six hours of sleep for the past three days....

While I am in LA, I am staying with my friend Lenny, the documentary man that I met last year. I love his house (stress the word love)... I love Lenny's house. It is a giant stone castle-like home.... with Spanish windows that reach the ceiling. When opened, these windows allow the smells of the most amazingly exotic dreamy plants into the house, especially after it rains. Even on the cloudy mornings, the sunshine manages to drape itself all over the house... it cascades over the copper colored tiles - it lights up all the rooms.... I love waking up in Lenny's house.

Lenny is not too shabby himself.... he looks like a pornstar. Women.... especially married women, are always looking over their shoulder at him.... Both Lenny and I have admitted that we are not sexually attracted to eachother and you cannot understand how much more comfortable that makes me when I am staying with someone....

Friday. What did I do Friday? Oh Friday! Worked with a photographer who shoots medium format film. He has a backyard full of hummingbirds, all different kinds of species - and they war with eachother over the feeders. His assistant, a really nice man who has upgraded to a digital camera, turned out to be a Burner! He has been attending Burning Man for the past seven years... part of the YearBook camp! Nothing like shooting really early in the morning... and actually enjoying yourself.... it was great....

Then worked a job where Samantha and I had to strangle and kill eachother for a few hours on video - lots of neck breaking and smothering - total fetish shoot. Creepy content, the guy was really nice, though. Went back to the Vibe with Sam, hung out with Carlotta, Malloy, Isobel, and Fedora for a few hours - mostly boy talk and trying to figure out what 'asscleets' could possibly stand for. Caught the tow truck guy, just as he was pulling away with my rental (never park in a parking zone without reading the entire sign.... ) - While there is a great law in California that requires a tow truck to unhook your car if you catch them, I still had to pay $208 in fees to have it released.

Saturday shot with the sexiest skater photographer .... ever! Yeaaaa. If I did not have such an amazing boyfriend - I would have eaten this kid alive. Adorable with all his long hair in his face... his MGMT on his radio.... his little Where the Wild Things Are action figures. He shot me in the shower, we both got wet, there were lots of bubbles, I jumped around on his bed with my pink wig on.... at least half his shots are me nearly dying of laughter - I think Fedora got to kiss him at the airport this morning.... oh so jealous.

Above photos: Steven Anderson's new Penthouse home in downtown LA - hanging out with Steve and his wife, Betsy, Saturday night after our shoot.... The two of them think that I should start a Taschen book from my roadtrip, full of stories and images.... he is even sending me the high-rez photos, hoping I will pursue it.. ha

OneModelPlace DELETED ME

........... they deleted me for reppin ModelInsider.... how fucked up is that?

If you are a friend of mine, or consider yourself a friend... and you are on that site - it would mean a lot to me if you would cancel your membership and tell them WHY you are canceling your membership... assholes.... ugh

Anastasia Summers.

I understand that my blogs have been pretty lame lately - They continue to get more and more depressing with each passing day. Guess I can only blame it on my leaking snow boots for so long, huh?.... Lost 380 readers in the past three weeks.... not sure if it is my lack of blogging, my content choice, or if it because I moved to Cleveland and the world is prejudice against my state... either way, it makes me sad.

Guess I will stick to the trend of depressing news for now. Anastasia Summers passed away last night. You might remember her... I blogged about her once - She was a very talented makeup artist/hairstylist out of Rockville MD. Over the past year or so, she has battling brain-cancer - undergoing extensive Chemotherapy sessions and surgeries. Saw her back in Oct/Sept, when I was shooting for JD Boswell's 2010 pin-up calender - I wanted to blog about the last day we worked together, but when I got back home after that shoot, there was nothing I could say that would make things better - it was one of those bittersweet-type moments. Anastasia was a beautiful girl..... She modeled. She was acted. She could do hair right out of the 20's.... More than that..... she was one of those 'happy upbeat types' that rubbed off on you... I wish there was more people like that out there. The last shoot we did together... I was really honored that she came to the studio to help out - even after the steroids and the pain killers and all the crap in her life.... that girl was still at it....

She is going to be very greatly missed. The good people always are.

LivePerson and BedBugs

Just discovered this fun new site called: LivePerson.com It is for getting life-questions answered. All types of certified folks on there - Doctors, Lawyers, Psychics, Sex Councilors, Fashion Gurus, Art Geniuses - For a price, you can even get your college work written up for you! Taking advantage of the fact that the first few minutes in every session are free, I spent the past two hours skipping around from certified person to certified person inquiring about: Past lives, new lives, life in the general sense. Wrote a psychic with the highest ranking of stars (just like ebay!) and she told me that I shall prosper this year - Then she mentioned that if I would Hire her, she could tell me more..... I did not like that approach. So I wrote a fashion-lady, told her what I look like, she told me to buy clothes that make me taller and slimmer - Then she mentioned that if I would like more information on what would make me look taller and slimmer..... I could hire her. Ugh - the Hire word again. I just want answers - Who was I two hundred years ago? What celebrity would most likely date me? What did the lady with the fake boobs have to do with my dream last night? Where did the guy on Lost go? Where did I put my second tooth brush?

Have you guys read about the dreaded Bed Bug infestation? - Was reading that this one lady in Arizona had to move out of her home and into a hotel with her three kids, because the bugs would just not die. She spent over $20,000 on bug bombs, hotel bills, house cleanings, new clothes, new mattresses, new carpet. Six months later, the place is still unlivable. Freaks me out on a few levels - One, the bedbugs are not hitting impoverished neighborhoods - they are everywhere. Two, they are nearly impossible to get rid of because they hide in every dark crevice of your home. Three, that woman that I just mentioned..... in order to spare her friends and family, moved into a hotel - ahhhh - how many hotels do I stay at in a year? Harvard University recently put out a very long list of things not to do while staying at hotels ... like: You should never leave you suitcase on the ground, always check for bloodstains under the covers before climbing in (eww), and put your shoes on the counter, not the floor, because the bed bugs can hitch a free ride to your home that way....

You can officially add Bed Bugs to things that terrify me.

Photos: Greg Daniels. Dallas, TX Dec 08

California Dreaming (on such a winter's day)

Sitting in one place again, spending three weeks out of the month doing absolutely nothing - I am bored out of my mind. B-o-r-e-d! You knew, it was going to happen.

 Every morning I wake up and gaze helplessly at the snow outside our window, thinking, "Today I will go out and I will get a job!"..... Which is swiftly followed by the counter-argument.... "Why get a job? You do not need one, you could model....." - I can come up with a million ideas as to why getting a regular job would be beneficial - including things such as: taxes, new skill-sets, co-workers, a job I can discuss over the dinnertable. I also have a million and ten excuses as to why it is a completely horrific idea. The loss of freedom is most prominent - I realize that someday I will have to get another job..... but maybe now is not the time for one? I am not sure... 

 All I know is that stepping away from a 24/7 life of travel-modeling around the country..... has done me well. For awhile there, I was starting to hate modeling. I like that I am finding myself again. It does not define, alone, who I am.... My life is no longer scheduled on a spreadsheet (well, actually that is not true, I still love my daily spreadsheet...ha)....

Travel-wise, I have always loved traveling and I cannot wait for LA on the 22nd!!! This trip is so needed, cannot even begin to tell you. Decided that I am going to take a day or two off, drive up the coast for awhile. To me, there is nothing more enjoyable than that coastline - the cliffs, the seaside.... on the side of the world where the sun sets over the water.... I only wish I was driving it in my own car.... I might bring my rental back that day and pick up a convertible for the trip.... Cannot imagine doing a ride like that without the sky and sunshine over me...

Work for LA. Got hired by Danni.com - which is owned by Penthouse.... not shooting any explicit stuff. They are working within comfort zone, which I very much appreciate.... Still cannot believe a company like that would hire me. They are such a huge name. Not to mention, the shoot pays extremely well. Also! I just got published (thanks to sexy-face Larry Bradby) in the new No 45 Marquis Magazine, a European Fetish/Fashion magazine - On the same pages as Kumi Monster and Angela Ryan! Still blows my mind. Going to buy a couple copies..... Photos: Matthew McMullen Smith (just keeps getting better...)

Hell is NOT a firey....

....furnace of heat! NO!.....
It is having to drive the mustang, though a snowstorm,
over and over and over and over and over again... for
all of eternity.... while the car slides.... and the roads
suck... and the speed limit goes no higher than 30 miles an
hour, for single lane traffic..... inches an hour....
.....getting nowhere.... first time in a long time, where
I actually miss having my gas guzzlin SUV....

At least there is a warm boy waiting for me
in Cleveland - yup - at least there is that.

Matt and I almost died last night. Went to pick him up from work around 1am, right after closing - Since it was not snowing or hailing or sleeting (a rare happening here in NY for January) - Was driving as I always do on the highway, which is faster than I should. One second.... we are slowing down for the on-ramp - Next thing I know, the car is out of control, skidding on black ice, gaining speed, heading directly towards a very large metal pole - not just any very large metal pole, this pole meant business. It was threatening to: Total my car, flip us over, or perhaps a bit of both. Matt and I braced ourselves for impact while I pumped the breaks, white knuckled, cranking the wheel as far as it would go - Did not matter, nothing mattered. We were gaining speed.... skidding..... Totally helpless.... headed straight towards this giant looming pole...

And then - somehow, someway - we shimmied off the road, into a puff of white powdery snow, missing that deadly death pipe by approximately three inches. After the cops showed up - I took out my video camera and filmed those three inches for a good 10 minutes..... Triple A saved Matt and I, yet again. The car seems to be running fine and although shook up, Matt and I are in good working order as well.

So there is the 'action' for this blog..... Now s’pose you allow me to be boring, generic for a moment?….Christmas went well. Santa visited the cabin. Seems, he too, shops at Amazon.com for the holidays! Got all kinds of fun dickery-doos! Including a point-and-shoot-digital camera! Santa also picked up a few dozen new Oprah books and a bunch of tea related things. Also want to mention here, that I received a bunch of things from you guys! PD bought me all the Sookie Stackhouse novels, which I have become hopelessly addicted to…. I seriously shut my life down for a full five days, reading till 5am, totally junked out on vampire sex and Trueblood. There is nothing that I appreciate more than a novel that can create a world, full of magic, that runs parallel to my own – allowing me to get lost for awhile. Harry Potter was that way, Lord of the Rings was that way, Golden Compass was that way. Mattias sent me this really beautiful CD in Norwegian that I have been listening to all week (thank you, M!)

Never had the chance to wish all of you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! This was the first year, in my waking memory, in which I did not celebrate. I did not even watch the ball drop .... I just sat on my deck and watched the snow fall silently in the front yard. There is something about being quiet, while the rest of the world was so loud - It has been a long time since I have felt that peaceful.

Photos top to bottom: Fire-y Furnace, Matt and I at Song Mountain ski-lodge stoking the fire after Christmas, my friend AJ came to visit, Little Kitty is so cute, Matt again having deep thoughts over a fireplace.