Victor is the Shiz-izzle

Genuinely elated.... Not only has my body been Doctored-Up - but my mustang has been Doctored-Up as well.... Victor put my car back together - New rotors, new brakes, a little bit of air in the tires. No longer drives like a boat but more like a rockstar - a total rockstar. If it came down to it - I would just explain to you that my car is kind of like an extension of myself...... When my car feels bad, I also feel bad. When my car is having a good day, I also have a good day. If I wanted to visualize perfect-content happiness: It would consist of myself... driving across Utah, with this endless sky above my head, clean air for miles, rain off in the distance, no other cars on the road - in my mustang - top down - really good music.. If my car could visualize happiness - I would hope it would choose that memory too.

Victor's family is the bomb-diggity. He married this hot super-mom who can make a pie, juggle two kids, and stand on one foot and sing all at the same time - She could do anything. And his kids are awfully cute (You'll never catch me saying that again... ha...) It was a really nice break, hanging out at his place.... Next time, I visit - I am bringing Matthew and we are going to camp in Victor's giant backyard... yup yup


This evening, I will be staying with Model T in Pottstown, PA. She is *also* the Shiz-izzle.... a retro-bombshell tucked away in the depths of the state of Pennsylvania. Only spending a night or two out there, grabbing a ride to the train station, and off to NYC I shall go. This is going a very strange trip for me. I love NYC.... and while I am incredibly thankful that Matt is still currently in Syracuse - I cannot remember a time where he was not in NYC. He was around even before I started modeling..... I would pick him up and we would do dinner, or bubble-tea, or Central Park. We would have little mini-adventures - ferries to Staten Island, nights by the river, concerts in the park, long walks absolutely nowhere.... and then of course, there's Patrick. He was always my main reason for visiting NY. But he left me and is gone as well, somewhere off in Cleveland. Point is: That this will be my first trip to the city - specifically for work and nothing else. Have no real place to stay - a few nights at a hotel here, a motel there, maybe a friend of a friend's place.... it is all kind of sad, I guess. I do not know how I will adjust to that.....

Traveling with Kimberly Marvel for a few days while in NYC. That should be fun.

Fixin the Mustang...

In the past year and a half, I have put over 50,000 miles on my car. The mustang broke a few times before (brakes went out in Utah, transmission almost died, ball joint popped, windshield cracked, ect). But it has never been as bad as the present, the poor thing is dragging ass .....like metal crunching metal behind the break pedal, grinding, I hear things dragging under the car - although when I look I do not see anything (my car is so tricky!). It will barely stop at stop signs anymore, I have been using my emergency break a lot and often - it is incredibly dangerous to drive.....

Luckily........ (and how cool is this?) a really awesome guy down in Lusby MD reads this blog - and he fixes mustangs! And he offered to help me fix it up this weekend! So I am headed down south from DC area to hang out with both him and his wife for two days... His girly is even cooking a meal for me.... !!! Oh I am all excited....

Merry-Land - and BellyButtons

So I am back at work. Definitely did not take enough time off..... but have you ever known me to sit still very long? Booked a trip down to Maryland and DC area days after the surgery, very last minute. Figured that if I could suck in my stomach and pretend to be pretty for awhile, I could raise enough money to move down to Austin in November..... so far, so good....

Been an incredibly busy week, hope you have not held it against me - Have not been able to blog in quite awhile..... Stopped in Harrisburg on my way down here, shot with a 20 year old named Corwin Prescott... He is the cutest little thing ever - right out of photography school, sporting a Gilligan's Island hat. IrisSilks hired me for their new line of PJs. Went out to dinner with SlyHorse Studio.... Kevin, the owner who runs the studio has literally changed the MD/DC/VA area so much by setting that place up - All the amatuer photographers who used to shoot with in their dirty creepy livingrooms, now pay the $35 an hr fee for the studio.... Few days ago, I shot with Antar, a 23 year old photographer here in MD who actually knows the lyrics to the Little Unicorn soundtrack... yup, that is correct... AND Antar is not a homosexual....! Totally rocked out those tunes.... while his MUA kept saying, "Stop moving, stop it, stop moving..." And the music kept playin.... Last night I worked with Mickle Design Werks till about midnight, we got some beautiful images that I am really proud of..... I just love that he gets to work with Mosh so much, we looked at pretty Mosh photos all evening, and I was so happy....

My mornings here always start late - Like right now, it is 2pm and I am still in bed, eating a peach, trying to figure out if I want to go to the costume store and buy a wig or if I want to continue to lie here and eat this peach? ..... Peach wins..... I love coming to MD because I stay with my friend Richard, he lets me lay around the house all morning....

Have to tell you this!! So earlier this week I worked with a model who kind of looked like me. Same height and weight, tiny waist.... I was amazed and blurted out something stupid like. "Wow, I never meet girls who are built like I am..." And she goes, "Oh hunny, no no no - I am not natural! Got my waist through liposuction - see *she pulls her thong down and points adamently to an indentation just above her pubic hair* See that? That is my real bellybutton, the one right here *pointing to the middle of her stomach* is fake. They had to make that one..." Wow, so let it be known that.... fake bellybuttons are just as creepy as real bellybuttons....

Fetishes:

Went out to dinner the other night with a friend of mine. While eating some yummy pizza, we got on the topic of Fetish Work. Which led several of the strange fetishes I have come across in my modeling career.... Never have I realized how many great stories I cataloged in my brain since I first started...

(this is actually a re-post from 2007... but thought it would be fun to put it up again.... )

Fetish of Feet: There are photographers who photographph them. There photographers who pay to worship them (Rub them, paint them, lick them, wash them, Pedicure them, sniff them) - there are also the ones that hire me to walk on them in heels or stockings. In Germany, Stomping is a fetish - where they step on small animals (I do not do that fetish). Sometimes the foot guys buy my old worn out boots, sometimes they want to smell my shoes, sometimes they steal my socks when I am not looking and I have to go barefoot all day.....

Fetish of Aprons: Got hired for the first time this year in TN to do apron fetish. Which is basically a girl - in an apron - making cookies or dinner. I think that is a Freudian thing, dontchathink? Wanting to bend your mom over while she bakes you cookies?

Fetish of Tummy Torture: Watching girls lay on pointy objects, like forks, upright markers, ect.

Fetish of Tickling: This is a huge fetish, I have done at least ten tickle shoots in my modeling career.... mostly in NYC. Girl gets tied up and tickled.... those are really hard shoots, because you literally laugh for about 2 hours... until your head wants to explode.

Fetish of Hair: Last year I got hired several times, by the same guy, to brush my hair.... I would just sit in the corner of his office and brush my hair.... I did not even think he noticed me. But he kept hiring me back.

Fetish of Everyday Things: There are people who are turned on by the following: Hair drying, face washing, applying make up, putting on just lipstick, trying on wigs, trying on clothes, putting on your shoes.... they pay good money for all that stuff too.

Fetish of Casts: Did my first cast fetish this year.... had two leg casts put on. Quite a lot of fun hobbling up the stairs without any kneecaps.... ha. The guy who hired me runs a cast-fetish website. He was telling me about one of his fans who hopped over a cash register line in TX, to lick (yes lick!) the sale's woman's cast. Yuppers!

Fetish of WAM: (Wet and Messy) It is the actual name for the fetish... although, I usually do not get to do the clean side of it (showers, pools, washing cars) - I get the messy side of it.

Fetish of Shaving: Was hired to shave my armpits once.... that was just weird.

Fetish of Potty Training: This is one of those fetishes that I do not do, but I have run into on several occasions.....the first time I heard of it, I was shooting with a gal named Mistress Vivian from NYC and in casual conversation I asked, "So what do you do full-time?" And she was like, "Oh I potty train" and I was like, "Oh really! Puppies are so cute!" And she was like, "No, I shit on people for a living....." And I thought that was awesome. Because her fulltime job is shitting.... you are probably making faces but seriously - she shits and pays her bills.

Fetish of Dead People: A bit new to me, but I guess people are really into it. I get hired to show up and pretend I am dead.... I pretend I am dead on the couch, dead on the floor, dead in the bathroom.... It is easy modeling-dead when you are half asleep on the floor. Weird thing is, that the guys who hire me for that stuff - tend to be the coolest dudes - the first ones took me out to lunch at a noodle shop, the second one offered to let Matt and I stay at the awesome hotel he booked after the shoot....

Fetish of Pony Riding: People dressed in pony gear! I love them! I got to own a pony for a few hours, while I was down at Fetish Con last year.... I pranced him around the lobby - it was a good time.

Fetish of Wrestling Women: Is a very big thing and it is always fun because I get to work with other models. Example: First time I ever met Isobel Wren, I had her in a headlock... : )

Fetish of the Giantess: Ever see the Pamela Anderson Video with the little people running all over her? That is actually a fetish. Basically people make little bitty houses, and they shoot up at me stomping on them....

Fetish of Ballbusting: Tracy did this one! Go T-Racy! It is where you sign a release saying that you will not be held responsible for any damage - and you just kick a guy in the balls for an hour.....

Fetish of Drowning: This was a first - While in Tampa this year, Tracy and I both pretended to get die horrible deaths underwater. Guess there is a big fan base for that... who knew?

Fetish of Balloons: Watching women sit and step on Balloons... Not going to lie, sitting on balloons is completely frightening.... stepping on them is fun though.

Fetish of Eating Fish/Swallowing: Almost did this one... almost. Even went shopping to buy the fish, but then they looked so happy being alive and swimming around - that I just gave up. Plus, if I ate one - my karma would be worse than it already is.... Hmmm... Fish are not my thing anyways.

While the majority of my work is 90% Art/Glam Photography.... Fetish work is what makes modeling fun. Without it - it would just be studio lights and paper backgrounds all the time.

Happy, Thankful, and on Painkillers

Everything went OK yesterday - I still feel like I did wayyy too many situps or kind of like someone sucker punched me in the cervix with a bullhorn.... Luckily they give you some very fancy drugs to stop the cramping...... that part is quite nice : ) I am OK. Doctor said if I take it easy, I should be back in action by this Saturday. Results should be in by Wednesday next week....

Wanted to thank everyone who helped out with the sale, perhaps even more so - those who helped with donations. You helped in ways that you do not even know - the sale raised over $1800 and the last-minute donations on Tuesday night total to more than $1000 in themselves..... I could individually name all of you (although I will not): Some are names that I have not talked to in years, others I talk to often, some were models, some were photographers (many were photographers) - several are just good friends who read this blog.

I would have disappeared under those bills.
Was stressing out so much.....
Seriously - in debt to all of you....
My cervix is no longer going to fall apart!

Love seeing people work together for a cause - Matt and I attended the ZooneyFest last week.... and it is just amazing to see how a group of people can make such a difference.... we saw it here through the blog a few days ago, I saw it there - the place full of bikers, donating, supporting - for a baby who needed a heart surgery.... I donated everything I had in my wallet that day.... Matt and I danced around to DirtFarm and talked to a bunch of friends of Joe Zunic.... We hung out next to this giant bonfire, in the pouring rain - just talking about what an amazing force a single group of people can be ..... Anyways, I have no idea where I am going with this - I basically just wanted to say Thank You.... : )

Man Burn - Saturday

Saturday! The Man Burn! Nothing like a morning full of waffles and crispy black bacon (ewww!).... Made our way back over to the HeeBeeGeeBee camp, drank lots of tea and talked to Ah-Ha Rabbit (who is the most beautiful man on earth, to me at least.... I just want to stare into his big green eyes, pet his curly-matted hair and listen to him tell me about his Jesus-sandals forever...) Got in line for the steambath.... chanted, hummed, steamed.... naked naked. The walk back to camp was dusty, the city was dusty, our naked bodies got dusty.... "There might be a dust storm later this evening..." says a man with a big brimmed hat.... well was there ever.... whew! Dust storm hits! White-out! High winds! Stuck in the camper! Matt needs a ride back to NYC? Need to get to Playa-Info to check on rideshares..... "Brave the storm!" Matt and I wander into the white-out, bandanas around our faces, safety goggles barely blocking out the sand to find him a rideshare..... No luck, but we did locate a camp full of New Yorkers through the computer systems - figured we would check out the camp, see if anyone was leaving for home in their car.... Between here and there, someone hands us some mushrooms, just enough for one person really, Matt and I split them.... Why the hell not. As the mushrooms kick-in, we arrive at the NYC camp.... only to find out that the NYC camp is creepy clown camp....ugh! Last year, zombies; this year, clowns.... fucking creepy. We never found Matt a ride back home - but we tried.... He seemed aboslutely 100% fine with riding back with creepy clowns.. I am not sure how I feel about that..... Again, somewhere between here and there, we created our own universe, with stars and everything.... and we walked around in the dust until it was nearly dark out. Returning to camp, Tracy and Brandon were hanging with our awesome neighbors - Tracy and Brandon got all dolled up for the Man, Matt and I felt like dust, so we stayed dusty - decked ourselves out in some glow-stick bling-bling... and went to go watch The Burn. (this is the longest blog ever.... I am really sorry... I am trying to tell you about things, and trying not to add pointless details... but it is difficult to smush a week into a little blog....)

The Burn. So it started off with six of us.... Tracy, Matt, Brandon, our two neighbors, and myself. We strutted and strolled, blingin with our glow, up to the chaos which surrounds the Man hours before the Burn..... It is a giant Mass. I cannot correctly describe it. You can see it, you approach it, and it engulfs you.... Art Cars, fire twirlers, belly dancers, more lights than you would ever see in Vegas, music blowin out your ears, thousands of people, drinking, druggin, outrageously costumed, naked, painted, glowing beasts, making out, passed out, hanging off poles, screaming, howlin - Last year I had a very bad Burn experience, I immeadiately felt sick.... turned to Matt, "Want to run out to that 12 story structure? That art installation? Think it is about a mile and half away, not sure if we can make it...." He thought it was the best idea ever....Then all this confusion starts. I want Tracy and Brandon to have their first experience next to the Man... as their first year at Burning Man, it is important, tradition to be there in the center of it all.... it is like a pagan-Time-Square moment. Matt starts pulling Tracy, Brandon is all upset because he has no idea where we are going, "Structure? What structure? Where are we going? What do you mean we might not make it in time?" I just want to go.... everything is spinning... I want out... I want out... I want out.... So I take off.... I feel horrible about leaving Tracy, but feel it is better for them... if they missed the Man Burn completely, I would hate my life more than leaving her... Matt catches up. We realize about 10 minutes into the jog, that all the art installation lights have been turned off in respect the The Man.... talk about confusion. No idea which direction we are facing. Start to rely on my own sense of direction, which is incredibly well honed thanks to all my traveling experience - we find the structure, very far, off in the distance, dark, ominous, quiet, looming, we worry that it has been closed completely - it is so dark. Climb all the steps, there are a few kids having a picnic, climb a few more stairs, there are 15 people on the roof, huddled around, seperate, together - you see the city, you see the lights, the man catches on fire, I lay my head on Matt's lap and hope for the best......

Sunday, we packed up. Sad to leave before the Temple Burn.... The Temple this year was the most beautiful, intricate thing you have ever laid eyes on.... made completely of garbage... completed by Burners who were dedicated - Photos of lost parents, sisters, brothers, pets decoracted the insides. Friends who miss eachother, lovers who fell apart, dreams that never happened, homes that were destroyed.... a Temple full of things lost, loved, gone, forgotten - A temple so beautiful, a story so heartretching - all gone in an instant.... all reduced to ashes.... all recycled to the air... Next year. I am not leaving for Temple Burn. Next year. I will sit next to it, hold hands, and just feel the heat...... Next year....... yup yup

Burning Man - 08 continued (Thursday-Friday)

Alright, Matt just made me a very yummy supper - so I am ready to dish out the rest of BM.....

Thursday Tracy, Matt, Brandon, Sherry (our neighbor), and I - all took off early on a mission to find Bloody Mary's. Now anyone who as attended Burning Man knows that if you go out looking for something in Black Rock City, you shall never find it. It only shows up when you least expect it.... So of course, our Bloody Mary hide-out had run out of vodka *gasp, oh no!*.... Did manage to get some tomato juice and lime-o.... all was not lost. Wandered down to the HeeBeeGeeBee Camp for a bit, filled out the Costco SoulMate Search which was right nextdoor... I will admit that I filled out the forms, mostly to see who Matt would get matched up with.... When the results came back, I think my soulmate was much more 'me' than Matt's was 'him'.... Somehow lost Tracy and Brandon, Matt and I drank Chai Tea and finalized on going to one of the meditation classes: "Find your Power Animal, an Introduction to Alchemy." It was a great class. Two and a half hours later, I now know that my Power Animal..... is a 6 foot tall ladybug.... Grabbed Tracy, went to get Noodles at the White Dragon Noodle Bar - and it was SO fucking awesome, because not only did they remember Matt and I, but they had a photoalbum with us in it!!!!... It feels good when people remember you, you feel like you belong a little bit more, like you made an impression.... that night Tracy, Brandon, Matt and I all went out to see a play, we brought Matt's new friends from his crosscountry trip with us...... Matt and I spent the evening wandering around all the art installations, we found a real 50's diner that served grilled cheese and coffee about a two miles out near 1 o'clock, and a puppet theatre full of stoners.... I took him to the 12 story steel structure realllly far out - I loved that 12 story thing... it was where I first got stranded in the dust storm on Monday afternoon.... around 4am, I left Matt - who was distracted by every shiny thing imaginable, in this case, a giant photobooth... went back to camp.....

Friday.... what the hell did we do on Friday? T, B, M and I found bar that had misters and hung out there for a good three hours.... Took poloroids of people and handed them out.... made some good friends that day. Tracy and I did the Critical Tits parade, but we ended up heading back to camp because I had not eaten all day and I was about to land on my face..... While we were at camp, we used our neighbor's shower-area... cleaned up a bit. Tracy ended up crashing hard in the camper, she deserved it, it had been a crazy week. Found Matthew - we went out on a search to track down his SoulMate.... somewhere that night, I lost him.... ended up wandering around the city by myself, just like the old times. I found MY bar.... my bar from last year... with all my dirty old man friends.... it was wonderful. Sat around watching bands, catching up with people, visiting their camping areas, checking out Silcone Valley area most of the night.... I wandered back to camp, fell asleep, was woken up by a brief duststorm, could not fall back asleep, so got up and watched the sunrise with some of our distant neighbors.... mmm... coffee...

Burning Man - 08 (Friday-Wednesday)

Saturday was the big day... finished packing, hitched up the trailer, all piled into the Brandon's truck, started driving, I asked them "Did you remember your tickets?" Turn back around..... drive to Vegas was slow... pulled in around 2am.

Sunday we started the drive towards Reno.... zoomin by Burners here, passing Burners there.... you realize before you even pull into Burning Man, that you are part of a GIANT migration of people who are all headed to the same place as you are. They all are packed into their cars, barely enough room to move, fuzzy bikes, cars full of pillows, water bottles towering over their seats.... you wave, they wave back, you honk your horn.... they are your people - they might be your neighbors, they might be your new relatives, who knows? You might even marry one of them - they do have some mighty-fine weddings on the playa every year...

Pulled into the Black Rock line around 3am, everything moved very swiftly this year - it was quiet, nothing like the chaos that was last year - horns beeping, people running around drinking. After Brandon and Tracy did their 'virgin inititiations', Brandon let some of the greeters jump in the back of the truck ... we drove them to their camp.... pulled in as the sun was coming up. Sunrise is one of the most spectacular events at Burning Man... soft, colorful, new, with enough light to see the city still building. Jumped on my bike and climbed to the top of the Man.... there were a handful of people at the top. No one talked, it was very memorable....

Monday was the dust storm.... I got stranded at the 12-story tower art-installation about a mile outside of town, the wind just pushed me there... ended up climbing the thing, watching the city appear and dissapear, like sandy waves on the playa.... Took a very long while to get back, had to stop every few blocks and take shelter, met lots of people, sat on a lot of couches, met some fire twirlers. The dust-storm was long, drawn-out, white-outs so intense that made it impossible to set up camp. Must have lasted about ten hours.... Found myself apologizing to both Tracy and Brandon over and over again - 'Not every day is a dust-storm... I promise' Not sure if they believed me or not, I think it helped when our neighbors told them the same thing.... Spent the rest of my time that day, inside the camper, eating snack food and hoping the dust would settle. Finially it did, Tracy, Brandon and I.... we went to a vampire bar with strippers, hopped on an art car to the middle of nowhere - danced to some wild music - the car dropped us off on the edge of the city, at this amazing dance club with people bobbing and bending and molding to the trance-tunes - fire fire fire....

Ooooh, if you have been a blog reader for quite some time..... you must remember last year when Matt got lost in his underwear? Well, Monday night I ran into people who remembered him .... those Black Rock City Lemonade folks. They helped keep Matt alive on something other than beer and liqour last year while he wandered around town. "Geeze, that kid! He put everything in his underwear, his chapstick, his sunscreen... we were all talking about him this morning. How the hell is he doing anyways? You are the girl he was trying to find, huh?..... dude, look it is that girl the guy with the underwear was trying to find!!!" (Wish I had a photo of Matt last year in his undies, but we never took any photos at Burning Man 07... so instead, here is a photo of Tracy, Brandon and I in a dust storm...)

Tuesday I do not really remember much... we set up camp, wandered around town, stopped by Porn and Eggs, visited the Deep End (one of the largest day-time dance parties on the playa)... spent most of the day just continuously drinking.... Bloody Mary's, Vodka-What-Nots, Spiked Lemonade.... not drinking to get drunk but....it just sort of happened. Hung out at Pink Mammoth for a bit.... It was at the Pink Mammoth that my night started to get hazy...... Went to use the Port-a-potties, but somehow.... ended up on an art-car making out with this really tall sexy Italian guy - the art-car was in a parade so I just went with it.... ended up at a dance party on top of bus... in the middle of the desert.... partied for awhile... but could not figure out how to get back to camp. Kept thinking that someone had stole my bike..... I walked about two miles, all the way back to camp - but it is cool, because I do not remember the walk at all - so it was really good for me....

Woke up on Wednesday morning with a killer headache and a bloody knee, wondering, "Where the hell is my bike...?" Ever have one of those mornings? Ugh. Guess I must have asked Tracy and Brandon that a million times, because they were like, "You never took your bike... we already told you that..." Decided then and there, I was not going to get drunk-drunk again while at the festival..... Wednesday Matthew showed up, with stories about crossing the country in only 3 days.... in a car full of four people that he had never met. Vegans and tires popping, something about erotic massage and cheese?

No internet...

... until at least Thursday afternoon.... but we had a fucking blast, Burning Man is the most amazing festival on the planet. I will get back to blogging in a few days... lots of photos - lots of stories - lots of things to catch up on....

If Matt can figure his life out in the next 20 minutes, he might just be coming back to Syracuse with me tomorrow morning... that would be nice. I love him lots.... I have some really crazy news, last time I was home... the VJ doctors were hounding me because I was supposed to go to some important appointment that I kept blowing off because I was traveling so much, took my one-and-only day home to go to the doctors all day.... had another a colposcopy (not the butt-thing, but another thing - second time) - Just got a call while I was at Burning Man, turns out I have cervical cancer..... surgery is set for Sept 17th..... so fuckity fuck fuck, eh? I am not good with things that are serious, I like to pretend that they do not exist... because I do not feel sick - I feel alive and happy and wonderful after getting back from the Black Rock Desert. Fuck HPV, and fuck not having healthcare....

Anyways, due to the recent event of surgery - I will be having an e-bay sale when I get back home to raise money..... this is so last minute.... I am guessing lots of prints and clothes and maybe parts of things that were once my bedroom? Don't send me pity emails, please please please..... just help out if you can, and if you cannot, just think really positive thoughts - because Matt seems to believe that the universe believes in them.... : )

Love you guys, I will be back in action and blogging in a few days. My computer is back home in NY and the internet here only exists at the bookstore....
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