Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Not going to pretend..

Like I am ok... I am a mess. People keep telling me that this hurt that I am feeling is temporary - but they really shouldn't trivialize my feelings - I feel like my entire life has been ripped out from under me - I feel like my soul is missing...I am really unsure what I want to do with my life right now - I tried to reschedule a few modeling jobs to keep my mind off of things - but I could not even make it half way to the studio.... all of this seems so pointless....

Isobel, I wanted to thank you for calling me the other day - I know I did not pick up and I know that we are not the closest of friends - but it meant the world to me, to get your message. I am still not up to talking about anything, with actual words - but when I do, I will probably call you....

Tried to explain things to Lenny this morning, because I feel bad that I am sleeping at his house until 1pm without opening my bedroom door, .... Do not want him to think it is something he did. So I tried to give him an explanation this morning - But the words "...Pat broke up with me..." set me off again. Just three days before, I was doing an interview with Lenny about how amazing my long distance relationship happened to be - Lenny is still editing the tape.... sometimes things don't make any sense at all to me....

I just feel raw, and burnt out from crying - Venting almost seems to make it worse, though - So lets just talk about some normal stuff....

Got photos back from Trish tonight, fast turn around - she is still so new to taking photos, she is like a little kid, wanting to get everything developed immediately.... they came out really lovely. All the photos on this entry are hers - For a model turned photographer - Her portrait work is beautiful. First time, in a very long time, I can see myself in a few of the photos - not London-persona.... but the Jes-persona

Lenny scored me a job with Shopzilla yesterday. I did a 10 second clip in a bathing suit down on Santa Monica Beach - small skit for women who are looking to find bathing suits to fit certain body types. Only on the screen for less than a few seconds, but it is going to air all over the television - mostly morning shows and stuff like that. As soon as I have the airing list, I will put it up so you can point to me and tell everyone that you know me... (Even if you don't know me, I will still back you up). It was a fun shoot - met the lady who does E True Hollywood Stories, got to see inside Shopzilla headquarters (they play ping-pong and eat catered food all day - best job ever)....

I forgot to mention that last week I worked with the guy who invented the first talking robot ever. He still works for the military, but as technology plods on - he is now a boss-man overseeing all the new MIT geniuses. Guess they are working on a new kind of robot where you do not even need to speak to it - the robot can just understand your body language and it will do whatever you ask it it to.

I leave LA tomorrow morning - headed to Tucson.... I am excited about the drive but worried for my car. I need to have it looked at later today.... but hey? What else is new...

10 comments:

Aaron Riveroll said...

I LOVE all of these shots...they are so natural and beautiful...so very...YOU. :)

PD said...

Just keep doing what you know. Thats modeling and living life on your terms. Get to Arizona and relax. The pics of you are great. I like the black & white. They seem to have more feeling in them.

Thats cool getting in the Shopzilla clip. Maybe this is the start of a new. London: The TV/Movie Star. Anything is possible, & we can all say we knew you when.

I am waiting for the day when I can send in a robot of me in to work, so I can get some sleep!
PD

Anonymous said...

London you hang in there kid. Its hard right now, but You will just find a way to go on. This is just something that happiness' . We all have been there. If I had a blog half of my story's would be about someone leaving me. So again Hang in there kid. You will be ok
We all love you

London Andrews said...

Lenny says I should go into acting, he said it is the next level and I have a good enough head on my shoulders to pull it off.... I am not sure if I could act, I would have to learn how to not see the camera like I do with photography - video cameras are scary. Even Youtube videos took me awhile...

I heard from Matt today - so I am a little better. Sometimes I just need someone to bounce off of that knows me - it reminds me of who I am. Everyday I meet new people and need to reestablish who I am... I like when I don't have to do that. Matt's advice was lame, "You are the most unalone person I have ever met... and you can always do better..." I think he just repeats the opposite of whatever I am saying... but it works, I guess...

Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THIS WILL PASS< I MISS YOU. OUR FRIENDSHIP IS FOREVER.

Duff Man said...

London, hope things get better for your heart, I just know its as beautiful as the outside we see. Reading your blog and sharing your photos is one of the best experiences for me as a blogger/person/photographer. =)

Anonymous said...

Never ever alone kid, glad that Matt is only a phone call away.

Kudos :-)

Brooks said...

Sending good thoughts your way. :-)

Brooks Blog

Jimmy McNamara said...

I'm so sorry that you're in such pain. I know you've heard this before, but it will pass.

Try to think of all the friends you have and how much they care about you, the person, not the model. You can count on me as one of them.

Your friend,
Jimmy

TS said...

London,

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well, I hope you get better soon. Take care of yourself, you're having an amazing experience with travelling/modelling. At your age and even my current age I would be too timid and afraid to even think to attempt what you've gone. Take care of yourself, think of the funny moments to make yourself smile (like jumping into a big tub of chocolate pudding at Messygirls!). Be safe on the road,

Cheers.