Saturday, December 15, 2007

Who needs a lawnmower - buy some sheep....

As you travel down south - the scenery contains more and more churches. It's like this: KFC, church, McDonalds, church, Shoney's, church...... The citizens become more bible hugging, non-liberal, repenting republicans...... Yet, somehow their gas stations have the most perverted names ever. I mean, the Slip In, the Kum and Go, Peckers, and T&A? Are you kidding me?

Hotel I was staying at last night, had those little sprinkler-pipes all over the ceiling..... Next to each one was a sticker of a closet hanger.... saying, "DO NOT hang your clothes here".... and I thought that was funny. Because someone must have done that, draping their clothes around the room on the sprinklers....

Thought it was snowing in NC, but it was cotton season - then I thought it was snowing in SC but that was just dead roosters on the highway....

Jiffy Lube. Got my oil changed, new wipers put on the car. In the waiting room, the Garden Channel was playing..... I've decided that my new goal in life is to walk around a garden using words like "Grandeur" and "Fantastical" - and get paid for it. The host of the show, who was grossly overweight and obviously knew nothing about gardens....... said that people should skip out on buying lawnmowers and buy themselves some sheep instead - "Helps save on gas and will keep the planet green." I totally could have come up with that all by myself.... those are the kind of ideas that I have.... I belong on the Garden Channel, start sending in letters for me..... tell them that pelicans are better than fishing boats and who needs a garbage man... when you could have a compost to Pee on.....

I have started gluing Chinese fortunes to my computer with eyelash glue..... the fortunes remind me about things that are important.... like. "If a rubber band is pulled, shot in a direction, it will go straight." "If you seek the seeker you will be sought" or "Any decision you have to make tomorrow is a good decision" (I love that one... because it justifies anything I do).

4 comments:

Nathaniel said...

How random is this: sheep really aren't that great to use as mowers because they tent to really compact the ground and then you have packed dirt instead of a lawn.

Go figure.

hammer said...

i always like reading your thoughts

brothertheo said...

Heh, weird coincidence. I was just reading 'Girls with Slingshots' and happend to come across this... http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/GWS318.html

Duff Man said...

That Garden Channel host probably worked on The Flinstones, where a pig serves as a garbage disposal, and what not. Funny stuff. A big glamorous x-mas for you London!