Blame game - ATM Card

Arrived at the Fort Laud Airport earlier than expected, Oh how I love the convenience of the Self-Check-In-Kiosk, no hassle, no people, no problems! "Please insert a credit or debit card to locate your flight information" Went to pull out my ATM card.... and..... it... was.... not.... there!?  Weird?  Dug around in my purse for a minute, trying not to notice the line of people burning me with their impatient eyeballs.... I tore through receipts, old gum wrappers, a pile of makeup brushes at the bottom of my purse - No ATM card.....

First call was to the Bank - They cancelled my card, re-issued me a new one.

Second call was to the Fraud Department - They informed me that over the course of two days, $580 had been pulled out of my Bank Account... First transaction happened in Ft Laud, second in Jacksonville, third in North Carolina, and a fourth in Richmond VA... They asked me if I had any idea who it could have been, any information I could give them would be used in the investigation....

There are only two people:  Either Jay (who I am really hoping would not screw me over like that) or the strange lady who was hanging out at our campsite on Sunday night ... She kept coming onto me, trying to grab my face and kiss me, "I think you are really attractive. Did you know that I am bi-sexual?"... She was so forward, it freaked me out and I went to bed early.  In the morning, Jay told me that he had stayed up with her until 4am and that he caught trying to punch her number in my cell phone..... He took my purse and threw it in the tent with me....

Regardless of who took it - No one but Patrick and I know my ATM pin number... Have any of you ever heard of someone taking cash out without a pin?  Is that even possible.... I am confused

Jay in Fort Lauderdale...

After his near-death experience with his heroine/coke ball - I distanced myself from Jay. I loved him as a friend but had fallen out of love with him, hard.... I just could not balance his life, his problems, his anger, with the love we had - I returned his keys in his mailbox, I stopped answering his calls, I stopped going to his place, I stopped participating in his life - God - It was hard - Every night I worried about him.... Every night I prayed he would not get himself killed...

After three years of not speaking, you can imagine my surprise when I got a text from him at 2am last week.  The text said, "Hey babe, i am in a hard spot in FL, i miss having friends, call me sumtime"  Now Jay is not Internet savvy, he types with his index fingers, he does not have a facebook or a twitter account or even a cellular phone plan... he had absolutely no idea I was in FL.  I wrote him back, "which part of FL" - He typed out "FtLaud"... I called him up.  Guess he was having some trouble back home, was sleeping on a beach in Hollywood FL, he had been held up twice at gunpoint, he was hungry, broke, homeless, and in a crappy place - I told him, "I am in Fort Laud too, I have to ask Patrick, but want to go camping with me?  I will pick you up in the morning..."

Pat sees good in just about everyone - After all these years of watching me model for money, dealing with guys hitting on me and knowing that I live for no one but him... When I called him and explained the situation, he said "Don't worry about it - If it was one of my friends, I would do the same thing... I trust you."

Man - When Jay crawled into my car, skinny, lobster-red, wild-eyed, clothes torn up and stinking... I did a double-take.  He looked like a crazy homeless man that you would see on the side of the road panhandling for cash.... He launched into a speech about how he was cleaning his life up - no more drugs, no more drinking, no more cigarettes... blah blah blah, I nodded and congratulated him (that is typical Jay talk) - Hours later, after showering and grabbing some food, he starting catching me up about his life...

Guess he had hooked up with a 27 year old girl with three kids, accidentally got her pregnant, had a baby with her.  For the last three years, he has been a dad to all four children, including her one autistic child who can only eat beige colored foods.  Being a father was the one thing keeping him sane and grounded - He talks about books and baths and family dinners, and a kind of happiness I cannot understand just beams from his blue eyes.. But aside from the kids, his relationship was falling apart, it was putting a lot of pressure on him - One night he got drunk, caught his GF cheating on him, and went crazy - He threw things, put his fist through a wall, and she beat him with a baseball bat in self defense - The next morning, she took two restraining orders against him.  She found a new boyfriend to take care of the kids and told Jay not to worry about Father's Day "You are not seeing your kid anymore" - blah blah blah (God, re-reading this, I feel like it is worse than Jerry Springer... oh and it gets worse) - So he then quit his job, obsessed about his daughter so much - he tried to commit suicide - He tried to hang himself in the backyard, but the rope broke (he has quite the scar to prove it... ick) - Eventually, not knowing what to do, he just ran from his problems.... He jumped on a greyhound bus and tried to get a job in New Orleans with the Oil Spill, but BP was only hiring out-of-state Hazmat people for $10 an hr... so he packed up and tried Pensacola, to no avail... And ended up in Ft laud, sleeping on the beach...

We went camping in the Keys, we swam in the ocean... He spent the entire time talking about his daughter. Over and over and over, obsessively, repeatedly - I spent those few days trying to talk him into gaining control of his life, to get the upperhand, to stop complaining and start doing something - Whether it was correct, I talked him into calling his mother, to get a ticket home.. Talked him into getting a job that might overlook his past arrests "The military sucks, but if you prove yourself and you want your daughter back, that will be your best option...." Truthfully, I not even sure the military can clean up his record - Truthfully, I am not sure that kid should be with either parent (they are both crazy) Truthfully, I am not even sure if sending him home was the right advice... For all I know, next week he could obsess about his daughter so much, he might try to kidnap her or something... *sigh*  Hard situation...

Flashback...

I remember Jay in highschool, two lockers down from me, an entire year went by, he never even said Hello to me - He was part of the drug culture, which I guess, made him 'cool' back then - He went to field parties... I went to movies - He threw giant house parties... I hung out with Matthew and went hiking... He had a hard life - His mom kicked him out at 14, he lived on couches for a bit, did a few runs of smuggling coke over the Mexican boarder.  By the time he was 17, he had gone through school as an undiagnosed dyslexic, a huge disruption in the classroom... School did not like him, he dropped out, did not even attempt to get his GED... At 17, he found a job working construction, pushed for his Hazmat certification, bought a house, grew up fast...

The summer that I turned 21, Jay and I were just really good friends.... I had met him while partying at Sylvan Beach - He did not remember me, I remembered him.  We were fast buds... First time in my life, I had a straight guy friend and we had no weird, touchy, feely feelings attached.  We were together almost every day of the week - I would be his wingman at the bar, he would dare me to kiss guys at the lake, we went clubbing together, we partied together, we watched out for one another.  On nights he could not drive, I would pick him up.  On days I was dead broke, he would buy me lunch..... Occasionally on nights where we would have people over till 4am... I would crash in his bed - I had my side and he had his, sometimes, we would cuddle and talk, most of the time, we just went to sleep....

I loved those days.... carefree happiness... sitting on the porch, cooking some BBQ, watching the sun go down...

August rolled around.... A relationship that I was persuing was crashing and burning - The day after valentine's Day, all teary-eyed, I confided in Jay that I needed more love in my life, and he leaned over and kissed me all romance-novel-cheesey-like and said, "For the past year, you have HAD love in your life..." .... Awww.... So began a whirlwind of a relationship...

The two of us were great together!  Passionate, happy.... I was completely in love... He was full of adventure - We did everything together, this time as friends and as lovers - Picnics at the beach, candlelight dinners and board games when his power got shut off, camping trips to the lake, long roadtrips through the mountains - We would lay around for hours, this time swapping both sides of the bed... I was happy.  

We started dating in Feb..... but were falling apart by June - Jay was getting jealous.  If we went out and I talked to any other guys, he would get me in the car and scream at me, "You are such a fucking whore!  I should fucking leave you in the parking lot for that."  And I would tell him that I did not want anyone else, and he would scream a lot, and then we would drive back home and everything would be OK again.... After the jealousy, came the lies - One day he came home and told me he quit his job... Later that day I ran into one of his work friends - He goes, "Man!  Did Jay tell you how he broke the boss's nose this morning?"  Sometimes he would lie about big stuff, most of the time it was small things - stupid pointless things like what he ate for lunch.  If he ate a burger, he would say he ate a turkey sandwich - He would lie about stopping for gas... or helping someone paint their house... or walking someone's dog... trivial, pointless, nothings.  Perhaps he had always done it and I just never noticed, maybe it was a self defense mechanism that started up because of me, whatever it was - It was slowly eating away at the trust we had in our relationship.... The more he lied to me, the worse he felt, the more he drank, the angrier he would get.  I remember several nights where he put his fist through a wall and went speeding away in his truck, only to end up arrested somewhere for smashing someone's face in... I would sit home worried, phone in hand, speed dialing his mother to bail him out of jail....  He never hit me - but those nights he would drink, he would become wild eyed, violent, dangerous. Sometimes I was scared of him, most of the time I would watch him like he was a bad movie that I could not turn away from - "Is this the same person that I fell in love with?"  

Mid June I came home to find his doing a speedball with a bunch of his old drug running friends, he said he was headed off to do another job with them.  "Fuck no you are not!"  I told his friends to get the fuck out of the house.... As they peeled out of the driveway, Jay was yelling at me again - His nose was bleeding, he was passing out, I got him into the tub and turned on the shower, he was puking all over himself, he was not waking up... I was freaking out - I couldn't call 911, he would kill me, he would be caught with a shit ton of drugs... he would violate probation and go to jail forever... he would rather die....

It was at that moment that I fell out of love with him - I just could not do it anymore.... His problems were heavier than I could deal with... If he loved me, he would not put me in this situation.  If he loved himself, he would not be bleeding in the bathtub, covered in vomit... Obviously he needed help that I could not give him.  I called his mom, waited for her to show up, and with very mixed feelings, I left his place for a very long time....


Photos:  Jay and I - four years ago....  I was 22, he was 23... and my hair was wonderfully jet black...

My Ex (in photos)

"Miami can suck a dick"

Not all the time - but most of the time, I even wrote a  blog about it last year after Matt and I returned from a trip to the Keys.... I was deathly sick, we were out of cash, no one wanted to hire me because I was not a bikini model and I had to work with that fat guy in Miami who thought he was Santa Claus, "Come take photos on my lap, baby..."  There was also the guy in Orlando who would not get out of my hotel room (god, I was scared), and the Hispanic guy who kept trying to give me a back massage.... Yeaaaa.... I swore to myself that I would never travel to FL for work ever again.... never... ever... again... total nightmare...

... Ha... Well, until Prescott!  This particular photographer sent me the most touching email (.. just went looking for it but seems to have been buried in the avalanche that is my Gmail.... oh well) - To sum it up - He talked about how a group of artists, including himself, have been passionately working on a project called:  Exposed the Art Project - His letter was really sweet, claiming that he wished to do a photography session with a plus-sized model and could not think of better model to use for the project. "Could you come down to Miami for the shoot, I might be able to help with expenses?" - I immeadiately thought of Santa, my reply was instantly explosive "NO friggin way... not gonna happen..." I wrote him back, stating that FL and I do not mix... that there are tons of girls on Mayhem... I am sure you will find someone else for the project... Thanks for thinking of me, really sorry...

A week or two went by - and he wrote me again, "I have never done this before... give me an idea of what it would take to get you down here and I will see if I can budget it" - I quoted a price... and he said he would make it work....

Two weeks later - I was on a plane to Fort Lauderdale...

Prescott's shoot was one of the highest production shoots I have been on (even Danni.com could not compare)....  He had Edward Cruz as the makeup artist and Troy as the hairstylist (mmmm... sexy sexy stylists... of course, both gay *sigh*) - We were shooting at a studio that costs $1900 a day - The place was HUGE, windows straight to the ceiling... Prescott had a photography assistant helping him out, handing him film and things.  All the Exposed Art Project people were there - While at the studio, I also worked with Barry, the outrageously talented mural artist.... There had to be fifteen people in the studio.... shooting, walking around with video cameras, eating, laughing...  creative madness!  If you have not seen some of the candid photos from Prescott's shoot, I had hair extensions put in and they bleached my eyebrows right off my face! (I have since dyed them back again) - Not sure if I will see the final product, since most of the stuff we shot was on 120 film - but the art show should happen sometime in 2011.... so stay tuned for that!

Killer Ostrich Tales

Van, sprawled out across his couch, exhausted..... Only to awake to his neighbor screaming, "VANNN - OPEN your fucking door!"  He threw open the door to find his very frightened neighbor, heaving, two grocery bags, gasping, "Man, there is a killer ostrich out there!  A GIANT BIRD!..."  Van looked at his neighbor through tired rimmed eyes.... We live in South Carolina, he thought, there are no giant birds here, buddy. Van politely said, "If there is a giant 'bird' in the front yard, just slip out my back door, jump the fence, the 'bird' will never see you.."  So the frightened neighbor did just that...with a sneak peek around the corner of the house, he hightailed it across the yard, over the fence, slammed his backdoor...

"Great...." Van thought as he turned back to his couch, "Double graveyard shift, finally, I can get some sleep."  Fifteen minutes later - "VANNNNN!!!! Open your door, VAN!"  This time the neighbor's wife was hooting and hollering about 'bird this' and 'bird that'!  "Ugh," Van sighed, "If this keeps up, I am going to have to call the police - They have to be on drugs or something"  Being polite, Van opened the door, let her in, and she collapsed on his feet, "THAT BIRD!  Did you SEE IT!  Nearly killed me...."  Van goes, "Yea yea yea, giant bird, I know..."

But then - BIRD INDEED!  A giant OSTRICH streaks across his lawn!... "What! The hell?" Rubs his eyes, rubs them again... but no.... definitely an ostrich running laps in front yard with a rope tied around his neck.... AND he was dragging the body of a very beat up, bloody, bruised neighbor.... ????

8am...Van grabs his keys, dashes for his car, starts pulling 70 to the police station... Along the way, he blows past a few stop signs, goes through a few red lights, looks in his rear view, police lights turn on.... *fuck*  Van pulls over.  "Sir, could you tell me what is so important that you are doing 70 in a 35?" "Tell the truth" Van thinks....  "Sir, I was actually heading to the police station - you see, there is a giant bird that is attacking all my neighbors and it has this rope around it's neck and it is pulling one of my neighbors behind it.. you could follow me back..."  The officer looks at Van's bloodshot eyes, looks at his slumped over shoulders... Van watches the officer's hand slowly move towards waistband, hovering over his gun, "Son, will you step out of the car.  Have you had anything to drink, taken any illegal drugs..."

Just then, Van sees the giant ostrich, angry, running full force down the road, straight at them...Van just leaps to safety behind his car - The cop, thinking that he is trying to get away, pulls out his gun and stands his ground in the middle of the road - Seconds later, the ostrich plows down the officer, leaving him dazed and confused, in the middle of the road.

"Believe me now?"

Officer blubbers for awhile..... calls for backup, they catch the runaway ostrich, the neighbor goes to the hospital - He tells the story like this...

Early in the morning, he had tied his fishing boat up to the dock - While working on getting all his ropes and nets untangled, his wife made him popcorn... Working on a very difficult knot, he heard something step up directly behind him - Turning around, he was face to face with a very mean popcorn-covered ostrich.  The ostrich went for his eyes.... so he grabbed his ropes and tried to strangle it.....  but it did not work, he failed, he got tangled-up in his own ropes and dragged for miles...

Hahaha... I just think this is the best story - A photographer, named Van, said that this happened to him when he lived in the Carolinas... I could not find photos of people being chased, so I included an amusing photo of a giraffe!

Van Rijn ArtWork

Not entirely sure where I first saw Van Rijn's work (I believe it was on an erotic art site).... But I do remember when I first saw his work, and for the last two years I have completely Internet stalked Van and his artwork all over the place. When I wrote him last month, asking if he might be interested in using some of my photos as a reference.... I half expected Van to retort with a "Sure..... but it is going to cost you a bunch"... As an artist who is usually commissioned for his work, I was pleasantly suprised when he said he would love to draw something for me....

Here is his website: Van Rijn - Just check out the detail in his work - They remind me of those gorgeous old-timey wood etchings, carved out, full of patterns - Check out the hair and the stockings!..... Here are two of the three pieces he sent me (The third one... perhaps my favorite... is very much X-rated and so sadly, I am unable to post it on this blog...sorry guys)  Enjoy!

Dirty photos published... !

Dirty, murky, rocky, cruddy, messy, wormy mud! - Mud from Christopher Donovan's back yard that he dug up in the middle of a down pouring rainstorm three months ago... and then plastered all over me at 1am... mud mud mud!

Happy to hear that the photos we shot together, out there in New Hampshire, turned out so amazing... They were just published in an online art magazine: Check it out:  Here...  Also be sure to peruse all the artists on that website, there is some phenomenal work out there...

Panty Dropping at Applebees

Ever had a nightmare where you are walking through a populated place, everyone is staring at you and then, looking down, you realize ... wow... you are naked?  Ha, while that is a nightmare for some... that scenario actually happens to me a lot in real life - At least once a month, I get hired for guerrilla nudes - I get paid to walk around naked in public, everyone stares at me and points (It is oh-SO awkward)  - While I will never be comfortable shooting guerrilla styled stuff, after some forty-odd shoots, as least it is not as terrifying as it once was...

Know what IS terrifying, though!?... Having your underwear slip down to your ankles in the middle of Applebees - Yup..... THAT happened to me Tuesday.

Shot with a photographer who crochets bikinis for models (really sweet guy).  He put together this wonderful scarlet bikini - I drove up from Austin and we shot on a beach in Kileen.. When we finished, I grabbed a sundress, tossed it over my bikini, "Lets get some lunch!"  Well.... did you know that yarn expands when it gets wet?  No one told me that... Nope.  Never knew.

After our meal in Applebees, we got up to leave.... *gasp* I could feel the bikini bottoms starting to slip down my thighs... *gasp again*  I grabbed the bottoms with one hand and like an elderly person, I scooted through the restaurant towards the door... scoot scoot - Nearby tables were laughing and giggling - I fumbled with the bottoms... just as I exited the door, my bikini fell to my ankles... Ahhhh!...  Photographer looks at me and goes, "Wish I had my camera.... What a great way to end a shoot!" Oh so embarrassing!

Beware of Jim Haynes...

It is against ModelMayhem rules to "out" a model or photographer in a forum or on your page.... because obviously, no one can prove who is telling the truth. But let me tell you, this bastard in Richmond/DC area, has been at this wayyy too long - Jim Haynes/Hinyes/Hanes (...who also changes his name and gender A LOT...) is dangerous. He has physically attacked a handful of models that I would consider friends - He has walked off with cell phones, computers, even makeup - He has stolen money out of cars, wallets - He has had the cops called on him multiple times, but they never get there in time..... If you google his email, you can find all the horrible things this guy has done in the past:  FOKUSFOTO@GMAIL.COM

You can read about him Here and also Here....

This poor model, Valya (MM 1348711), had a run-in with him earlier today (ugh).... Bruised her up pretty good and stole what little money was in her wallet... Not only did this bastard shoot her for an ENTIRE day.... He also "set her up with" two other paid jobs, made her pay for her hotel, and then stole her only $200 from her wallet (don't you wish you could kick him in the face?) .....

More than anything - I just want the modeling community to come together - To be able to protect one another from the very few people in this industry who make this job frightening... The cops never seem to catch this guy and even the special investigators cannot locate him....  So perhaps if we get his name out there enough, through blogs and through word of mouth, maybe some day this asshole will get caught.... He had a Mayhem profile, but MM recently took it down (whoo MM!) - Lets just hope he does not start a new one anytime soon...

Riggle P'Ups

Commission or check his art Here

LA in Photos:

Monday 17th:  All three of us, break camp at Joshua Tree - Get to LA at 3pm, crash at Samantha's place....

Tuesday 18th: Matthew flies back home to the Cuse - Tracy and I begin our modeling tour in LA.

Wednesday 19th:  Photographer wakes up at 4am and drives five hours to work with me! *flattered!* - I get covered in vasaline, my greasy butt ruins a new studio backdrop - Great photos emerged from the shoot....

Longggg, seven hour job, shooting Sleepy Fetish videos with Paragon Videos - Paragon takes us out for yummy Italian afterwards, Tracy cannot figure out why her pizza shows up on a tomatoe can... but she just goes with it....

Thursday 20th: I forgot who I worked with - Tracy just texted me and said, "It was the Pot Pussy Guy, remember?..."  Ha.  Indeed I did. We worked in the studio for three hours - And afterwards, the photographer showed Tracy and I photos of a naked lady with Marjuana inside her Pussy "We smoked it after... it was really good stuff..." Ewwww

Scruffy Pirate hires Tracy and I to shoot together on the Queen Mary in Long Beach (an old ship which has been converted into a floating hotel) - Photographer brings TONS of vintage clothing - The place is wooden, rich with history and feels haunted - Someone runs down the hallway screaming, "Red RUM!  Red RUM!":

Friday 21st:  Day off for London!  Tracy works that morning, I spend the entire day talking to Samantha - Tracy and I go shopping at It's A Wrap!

Tracy and I had the chance to check out the 1920's Shanghai adventure!  Great show!

Sat 22nd:  Worked with a young talented college kid, Xeroxed my boobs and my Butt:

Saturday Night Dinner at Hamburger Mary's and an 'attempt' to see the Cemetery Screening of "The Thing" - Parking was insane... We gave up

Sunday May 23rd:  Tracy and I shot a ten hour job for WetandMessy.com:

Monday May 24th: Beware of the Butt Carrot! Muki's Kitchen stuck a fake carrot in my butt and Tracy (the evil pilgrim!) cooked me up for supper!

One of my favorite Modelographers, Trish, shot me with her Daddy's film camera at Don Sir's place while Trace was getting tied up...:

6-11pm: Tracy and I got tied up by Don Sir - I got to do my first suspension (a lot of fun!), Tracy got to do her second, and I had the chance to hopelessy flirt with Don for a few hours... ha:



















Tuesday 25th:  My ass is on a flight back to Austin TX - And I am happy, well photographed, and on my way home to hug my kitty..... Whoooo!

Trisha Photos!

Los Angeles...

Mile-wise the drive from Joshua Tree to LA was short - but covered in dust sporting some brittle dusty hay hair... the drive was not short enough! Oh how I love a good shower!  Although, I have a bunch of friends in the Los Angeles area, Tracy thought it would be fun to crash at Samantha Grace's house for a few days (Sam is another Internet model).  Sam and I used to live about 20 miles from eachother in Cleveland but rarely saw eachother - In 2009, I moved to Austin and she went to LA.  She got a boob job, lost a ton of weight, ditched the pin-up white alabaster look for the LA tan, now looks happy and in love... Had a lot of fun at her place - Enjoyed that she was so close to the 10 and the 405 - all our shoots were less than 20 miles away....

LA was crazy - Tracy and I were always so busy.... We would leave the house at 10am and get back around 11pm every night - It was an exhausting seven days - I don't want to write about it - maybe Tracy will blog about it... ?  Go write her some comments on her blog or something... Maybe she has photos...

One thing I really enjoyed while I was in LA:  Isobel's amazing friend, Josh, who has been working on the 1920's Shanghai for the past few years - Got Tracy and I a pair of free tickets to the show! - It was so much fun!.... Sex, blood, Opium, slow motion fighting - Half the audience dressed up in old 1920's clothes, with cheap furs and funny hats.... They served absinthe at the bar, and all the actors had really bad french accents and were pretending to be chinese.... If you are in LA and you want to go see a really great show for a reasonable price, I recommend you check it out - It is playing in Culver City for a bit....


Photos:  Studio 5 Nine Photography - LA May 2010