Monday, June 21, 2010

Jay in Fort Lauderdale...

After his near-death experience with his heroine/coke ball - I distanced myself from Jay. I loved him as a friend but had fallen out of love with him, hard.... I just could not balance his life, his problems, his anger, with the love we had - I returned his keys in his mailbox, I stopped answering his calls, I stopped going to his place, I stopped participating in his life - God - It was hard - Every night I worried about him.... Every night I prayed he would not get himself killed...

After three years of not speaking, you can imagine my surprise when I got a text from him at 2am last week.  The text said, "Hey babe, i am in a hard spot in FL, i miss having friends, call me sumtime"  Now Jay is not Internet savvy, he types with his index fingers, he does not have a facebook or a twitter account or even a cellular phone plan... he had absolutely no idea I was in FL.  I wrote him back, "which part of FL" - He typed out "FtLaud"... I called him up.  Guess he was having some trouble back home, was sleeping on a beach in Hollywood FL, he had been held up twice at gunpoint, he was hungry, broke, homeless, and in a crappy place - I told him, "I am in Fort Laud too, I have to ask Patrick, but want to go camping with me?  I will pick you up in the morning..."

Pat sees good in just about everyone - After all these years of watching me model for money, dealing with guys hitting on me and knowing that I live for no one but him... When I called him and explained the situation, he said "Don't worry about it - If it was one of my friends, I would do the same thing... I trust you."

Man - When Jay crawled into my car, skinny, lobster-red, wild-eyed, clothes torn up and stinking... I did a double-take.  He looked like a crazy homeless man that you would see on the side of the road panhandling for cash.... He launched into a speech about how he was cleaning his life up - no more drugs, no more drinking, no more cigarettes... blah blah blah, I nodded and congratulated him (that is typical Jay talk) - Hours later, after showering and grabbing some food, he starting catching me up about his life...

Guess he had hooked up with a 27 year old girl with three kids, accidentally got her pregnant, had a baby with her.  For the last three years, he has been a dad to all four children, including her one autistic child who can only eat beige colored foods.  Being a father was the one thing keeping him sane and grounded - He talks about books and baths and family dinners, and a kind of happiness I cannot understand just beams from his blue eyes.. But aside from the kids, his relationship was falling apart, it was putting a lot of pressure on him - One night he got drunk, caught his GF cheating on him, and went crazy - He threw things, put his fist through a wall, and she beat him with a baseball bat in self defense - The next morning, she took two restraining orders against him.  She found a new boyfriend to take care of the kids and told Jay not to worry about Father's Day "You are not seeing your kid anymore" - blah blah blah (God, re-reading this, I feel like it is worse than Jerry Springer... oh and it gets worse) - So he then quit his job, obsessed about his daughter so much - he tried to commit suicide - He tried to hang himself in the backyard, but the rope broke (he has quite the scar to prove it... ick) - Eventually, not knowing what to do, he just ran from his problems.... He jumped on a greyhound bus and tried to get a job in New Orleans with the Oil Spill, but BP was only hiring out-of-state Hazmat people for $10 an hr... so he packed up and tried Pensacola, to no avail... And ended up in Ft laud, sleeping on the beach...

We went camping in the Keys, we swam in the ocean... He spent the entire time talking about his daughter. Over and over and over, obsessively, repeatedly - I spent those few days trying to talk him into gaining control of his life, to get the upperhand, to stop complaining and start doing something - Whether it was correct, I talked him into calling his mother, to get a ticket home.. Talked him into getting a job that might overlook his past arrests "The military sucks, but if you prove yourself and you want your daughter back, that will be your best option...." Truthfully, I not even sure the military can clean up his record - Truthfully, I am not sure that kid should be with either parent (they are both crazy) Truthfully, I am not even sure if sending him home was the right advice... For all I know, next week he could obsess about his daughter so much, he might try to kidnap her or something... *sigh*  Hard situation...

6 comments:

EVAN said...

Wow, have absolutely been spellbound by what I have been reading today (you really do have a way with words). I also wish Jay luck (I believe there is potential good in everyone), you I have to say are absolutely a sweetheart. It takes a very strong person to reach out and put aside their pride and ego and help someone who hurt them before. Compassion like yours shows me the real J and I can truly say you are a beautiful soul inside and out.

Extra kudos to Patrick for trusting you. Without trust THERE IS NO relationship. I also have a deep empathy for those in pain, just the way I'm made I guess. Some human beings in their hearts are not selfish and me-oriented. I'm touched that you shared this with us. I know it couldn't have been easy to write. Karma will smile upon you for this--trust me. I wish we could all find our personal happiness in life. What a different kind of world that would be. And you definitely deserve to find yours kitten. I know you'll be here in NYC in July, have a smashing time.

BIG HUGZ for you! 8)

Jim in Huntsville said...

Despite all that has happened to you, I never ceased to be impressed with your resilience. It was wonderful what you did for Jay (although I'm not sure that the military will overlook a criminal record like they used to). I'm not sure I could have forgiven and done that. What a wonderful woman!

Jerry said...

Hey, thats really cool, that you're helping an old friend out. Just wondering though....a couple of those pics look like Jay has his hand on your bare boobs? Your boyfriend is cool with that? If so, i'm very impressed with his trust!

London Andrews said...

Evan, I really do believe that when you have loved someone deeply and truly for who they are, you will always love them.... not always as a partner, but as a person who is also going through life and dealing with issues and all the rest.... It is hard exisiting sometimes.... And I will always love my ex-boyfriends for who they were and what I loved about them at that time in my life....

As for Patrick, he does not need kudos... the kid is a saint.... He is so full of love and so unselfish, it really gives me hopes on days that I do not feel the same way... I wish I could be like him, I admire him....

Jim, I am not sure I can forgive all - But I want to.... I feel like I do not want to judge or hold anything against him. His circumstances are all wrong, but his heart has always been good....He has done things that no one else has done for me - but in the same respect, he has hurt me in ways that no one else has accomplished as well... who knows. If he was in the right family, he would have done wonderfully.... he could straighten out .. and he could have been a postive influence... sometimes things do not work out... but I want them to..

And as for the photos you are refering to in the last post - those are from 4 years ago. I love pictures. I have tons of cute cuddling photos from all my boyfriends..... but none of them are recent.... Those photos with Jay were all in good fun when I was 22 years old....

Anonymous said...

I dont even know your current boyfriend but he sounds like an AMAZING guy for being okay with this and for seeing the positive in everyone. My boyfriend is quite the opposite and modeling has made it worse.
But, I think you are an amazing person for trying to help your ex. I hope what you did for him was not in vain and he gets his shit together.

Anonymous said...

Hi London! First Id like to say as a life long fan and friend before your days of travel you are amazing and wonderfully beautiful!!! Your personality although refined into a beautiful woman of class and intellegence, your personality still shines as it always did! I envy your freedom and your blog is like sunshine on days stained with dark. After reading this post, and as the so metioned crazy "accident" girl friend with four kids, as Im sure you can imagine, the details are a bit entertaining and most ammusing. As im sure you could imagine, most of it wonderfully invented and wildly exagerated. Id like to thank you for the enlightenment. I have heard the things you quoted a million ways a million times. The behavior is hauntingly unchanged. It brings a sence of danger to my situation in fact. I would very much love to have a conversation with you as I may also be able to help with your "blame game" issue as you are far from the only one. Best of luck in your travels!!! Hope we have a chance to catch up sometime. xoxo
P.Dreadful