FiveNakedModels in LA

Looks like I am going to be in Los Angeles the exact same time that all Five Naked Models (Isobel, Carlotta, Fedora, Samantha, and Malloy) will be in California.. Whoooo!! While this trip is surely going to suck for money making (too much competition in one area, means much less cash) - I will say..... I am super excited about some hang out time. Haven't seen Isobel since April, when she flew into Vegas and we roadtripped to Coachella. Afterwards, we holed up at her friend Josh's place in Hollywood, both sick with the flu, sharing cold medicine for days - Haven't seen Fedora since June, when I returned from my Alaskan cruise and she was running around half naked, having some kind of sexy punkrock shootout at her place - Haven't seen Sam since her and I grabbed some diner food a few months ago.... Both, Carlotta and Malloy, I do not know very well but there is always time.....

Update: It also looks like Miss Susie B will also be in town, Carly Erin, Angela Ryan, and my favorite girl in the whole world to cuddle with: Engle Schrei (I seriously love this girl) - just keeps getting better!!

Those we think of during the Holidays: Dad

Two weeks after I turned 18..... My dad tumbled down a flight of stairs, busted his head up pretty badly, fell into a coma before the medics even arrived on the scene. He was flown to a trauma unit in the state of PA, about 5 hours from where our family was living at the time.

Four sleepless days and nights in a trauma ward. Watching priests come and go, praying over my father's motionless body, wondering if all the machines Dad was hooked up to were keeping him alive or if he was powering them with body heat. My younger brother and I spent most of our time, tucked away in the backseat of my uncle's mini-van, discussing how ridiculous PA was and how Dad could just not possibly die... just could not happen... in fact, we should just go home....

So much more to this story: Sharing my hotel bed with my mother, listening to her sob throughout the night (she has always been so strong). Analyzing my relationship with my father vs losing him altogether. At 18, having that crushing feeling.... that nothing is ever really under control... ever. Anything you love.... is free to leave at any time, without your consent. I was the one who answered the stupid plastic hotel phone - Had to break the news to my mom that her husband.... my father.... was completely braindead - no brain activity at all - zero. To this day, I still believe that the nurse thought that I was Mom...

This time of year is hard for me. I always wonder where I would be in my life, if he was still part of the household... Would I have finished school? Would I have ever got a chance to travel and model the way that I have? I remember once when I was 17, my father showed up at a hot-tub party in the woods. He was so pissed I was wearing nothing but a bikini, he pulled me out of the tub by the hair.... I wonder if my younger brother would have kept playing soccer, if Mom would have bought the porch swing she wanted, if dad's best friend would not have drank himself to death..... I wonder if things would have been better or if they would have been worse? Or maybe everything is just relative in the end? I really do not know - All I do know is that Christmas was Dad's favorite holiday.... and like many of you, I miss family that cannot be around this time of year....

Creeps me out when people mention that loved ones 'are always with you' or that 'they are watching you from another place'.... I enjoy solid things. I enjoy that my father was a Donor..... Disconnected from life support, his organs were donated to people all over the US. He gave life through death. Dad's heart went to a 40-year old man in Hersey PA with three young children, who used to write us from time to time. It is amazing to know that somewhere out there, a man who would have died of congestive heart failure, is spending Christmas with people who love him - All because someone gave the most unselfish gift possible...

Kicked out of Goodwill?

Few days ago I found myself trekking the back roads of Cleveland, exploring new routes to my apartment - Had just finished up with a two hour cardio session at my gym (a gym which seems to support the idea that everyone needs to discover Bikram yoga while running on treadmills). Did not have time to change out of my sweaty workout clothes since there were just too many naked chics hanging around the locker room that day - And yes, I know that seems strange since my job is a naked job - but around civilians, I do become quite self-conscious. So here I was driving back home in my sweaty workout gear.... and lo and behold! A Goodwill! (Oh how I love second-hand stores!)

You know why I love them? First off, I feel like I am not exploiting small children who have to sew clothing for pennies. Someone else bought the shirt, they tossed the shirt, and then I came along and found another use for it. Second, everything is so friggin cheap! I mean, $4.50 for a pair of patent-leather Nine West heels, tags still attached? Are you kidding me? I can buy five shirts for less than $10? Oooh and finally - I just love the hunt! - I have found most of my vintage hats and clothing at second-hand shops. Almost all my modeling stuff: Dresses, slips, sunglasses, wigs, scarfs, shoes, all my weird items came from second hand shops.... Undies and bathing suits I tend to avoid... but everything else is game....

Since moving here, I have been starved of all these wonderful second-hand stores.... The Thrifty, The Salvation Army, Value Village, Goodwill, ect... all seem to be placed in the poverty stricken areas of Cleveland. I know that makes sense since several of the stores were founded to help the homeless and to give back to their community - yet I am used to Syracuse where all these stores are found in the middle and all kinds of people shop in them....

So I was driving back home from the gym and lo and behold! A Goodwill in a non-sketchy part of town! Whoo! So I pulled over, got out, and then realized that I was wearing nothing but a tiny white t-shirt, black spandex pants, and a pair of black stiletto boots from my backseat. But you know what? I did not care. I was all excited about shopping!!! So I walked in, started going through bins and tearing through racks, doing my thing, must have looked like a confused hooker trying to find some clothes to wear. It was about then that I realized that all the Goodwill workers were all cute black guys..... and all of them were staring at my ass. Ha. And mean, like staring.... and discussing... and staring... I felt like I was in one of those hidden camera shows or something. I mean, yes my ass is big and yes, it is super shiny in spandex, but this was just ridiculous..... I attempted to just keep shopping... but then felt this tap on my shoulder.... And when I turned around there was this lady-manager, arms crossed, looking like a mom and goes, "Girrrrl, I think you better come back here when you can find some more suitable clothing.... Can't have you up in here cause all my workers have stopped their workin..." And I was like, "You mean, you are kicking me out?" and she said, "Yep - nothin personal, just cannot have you walkin around dressed like that...."

Haha.... And so it goes - I was kicked out of Goodwill. Guess Goodwill's goodwill only stretches so far, eh?

(and yes, I know that Little Kitty has nothing to do with Goodwill or Spandex... but I miss him. Going back to Syracuse on the 22nd.... ! Whoo!)

Dallas/Puppies/Jade Vixen

First off, Dallas is completely lovely - As usual, Dave is friggin awesome. Has this crazy habit of shooting several girls all in the same day..... Not sure if he enjoys the company or if he just loves the commotion in the hotel rooms (girls running around throwing clothes around, tackling eachother for makeup, giggling about boys....) There is always a minimum of three women booked to shoot for the day (Today: Mallory, Jackie, and myself - Tomorrow Jackie, Wynona, myself, and perhaps a surprise guest? Never know). All hanging out, chit-chatting - trying not to gossip too much. I have met more models hanging out with Dave - than I ever met while I was traveling across the US ....

Oooh - Last night, Dave bought Mallory a new puppy! Isn't that exciting!? There was this big story about how he blamed himself for the loss of her and her boyfriend's last dog...... soooo last night... he did all this super-secret stuff and bought them a new puppy! Should have been there. Dave called us while Mal and I were out running errands.... He told us Santa was coming to visit - and her and I kept looking at eachother, praying that when we got back, Dave would not be all dressed up in some crazy Santa Clause outfit.... Weren't we surprised when we returned to the hotel -and there was this pure-white, adorable, huggable eight week old boxer puppy running around our room, playing with her boyfriend, bouncing off walls..... Since the puppy was a girl, Dave, of course, bought all this matching hot-pink puppy gear to go with it. Ha. This beautiful girly puppy with her blindingly pink collar.... still does not have a name, but I believe they are leaning towards the name Lily.... awww. Lily-puppy.

On a completely different note, and believe me when I say that I highly dislike switching to a subject as disheartening as this - but it must be mentioned: Miss Jade Vixen, a model/dominatrix out of Philly was recently held up at gunpoint by some insane ex-boyfriend/fan thing. Forced to watch her boyfriend die, she was then abducted, molested, and was left to plead for her life - Ugh. Hearing things like this makes me sick. You need to understand that the Internet modeling community is a very tight community... where everyone knows everyone's business. Creeps are weeded out of the system eventually.....Obviously the fact that she Dommed is a large variable in the story, but she was also a very respected model in both the fetish and the art community... This situation hits a little too close to home. Like many models in the industry, I only know her by name and her work - yet it would mean a lot if you could send this girl some good thoughts through the wires. Cannot even imagine what she is going through.

Pics: Mallory on top, Jackie in the middle, New Puppy in middle, Jade Vixen on bottom

Houston - Messygirl

For the first time in a very long time - I feel unsettled about traveling. It is odd, this feeling - Worrying about things that never bothered me before. Keep thinking that if I stay away from Ohio too long... My life in Cleveland will fall apart. That the dog won't be there or my side of the bed won't be there or that Pat will wander away or that his feelings will have changed for me - or worse, we will have that weird traveling-relationship that is not a real relationship - but a relationship on a schedule. I really do not want to go back to that... Mentioned to him tonight that if I worry too much, I am going to give myself that weird wrinkle in the middle of my forehead - the wrinkle that looks like a butt.... He says I am already a butthead - I washed my face in the shower with his butt-washcloth the other day.... ohhh ewww.... Really! Someone should label those things!

Houston is nice as usual. Weather in the 70s. Spent the last two hours hanging out with Darrell in the hottub.... jumping back and forth from the cold pool to the heated pool, singing songs underwater, making him guess what they were.... He says he could have guess Green Acres, but with all the water I kept choking on - was too difficult.

Been working with Darrell, since forever.... Houston was the very first city that I ever flew to - on a ticket - booked by someone else - specifically for modeling....

Ha. Well no. Not modeling.
I do not think that I would ever
consider Messygirl a modeling-job....
It is a messy job....

....It is a lot of fun, and I enjoy it more than any of my other fetish work. Obviously if you are not into women being completely covered in sugary-slush, it would not be your thing.... But you should have respect for it. I mean, my normal day consists of: Wake up at 10am to pie crust being baked, by 11am there is a table full of cool whipped pies, by noon I am usually covered and running around as a pie monster trying to fling coolwhip at Darrell, by 1pm I am showered, clean, and my hair smells like chocolate cake batter... I spend the rest of my day hanging out around the pool, reading books or working with friends and site-seeing. It is hardly a life to complain about (if I do ever get a butt in my forehead from worrying, you can tell me I am a total-lame-o..)

Got hooked up with Messygirl in 2005, because a photographer in NY shot some really cute, girly photos of me eating jelly donuts and getting all messy with them (photos are attached to this blog). Both the photographer and myself shot the photos for free... so I asked for equal rights. He said Yes. I asked him if I could locate an outlet to sell the images to - could I? He said Yes. So I sold them to Messygirl. Darrell and Leah thought I would be a good addition to the site. They flew me down here - and I have been flying down here, twice a year - ever since. It is nice, because we have history and I feel a bit like family now.....

Here till Friday, then visiting Dave in Dallas for awhile. Dave is another one of the photographers that I work with - whom I feel is more like family and less like work.

Back home (...refering to Cleveland as home from now on) December 9th, 5:30pm. - Whoot!