You know, coming Home for me is always a little bit hard. I remember when "Home" was a place that I needed in my life..... When I first started modeling, I would jump on a plane and come "Home" every chance I got. A physical place to ground myself. A life with so little familiarity, I need a constant in both modeling and reality to make sense of my life. It has been a disappointing realization that "Home"..... right now sucks ass. The tension is atomic; atmosphere poison - half of us do not even converse any longer. I feel like I partake in a family, that if put on Jerry Springer, would either walk off stage or beat eachother's faces in....
... sometimes I feel like violence might be the best answer to this.....For now, I will continue to do the same thing I always do when I come "home" - which is simply concentrate on leaving again, psyche myself up for it. Hope that when I return in August, everyone will get along, perhaps a bit....
Yes, some families have it much worse - but that is not a comfort to me ...
Just want to get to NYC, and when I get there, I am sure I will just want to get to Houston and once in Houston, I am sure I will just want to get to California... I cannot sit still. Just gypsy-in around the world, that is all I know how to do right now.
7 comments:
london,
i agree i took 2 road trips of over 3 months and still called "home" home 3 years after moving. nostalgia is so powerful.
i hope you will check out a book entitled "The Golden Spruce" by John Vaillant. If you like jon krakauer you will enjoy this read and your reading interests are similar to mine based on what you've said in your blogs.
i love your work and wish you much luck and success and most of all fun on your roadtrip, if your in olympia, washington look me up.
much love
paul
Dear London, It sounds like you have a lot of pain in your life and I'm so sorry that you have to go through it, life is hard sometimes, especially in regards to family. Just remember, people make mistakes and most people mean well, but don't always accomplish what they strive for. Hang in there, I know it sounds trite, but a lot of people have it a lot worse, but we can only deal with what we are confronted with, so just keep on dealing, and keep on hoping and keep on living. I believe you will settle down when you are ready, until then enjoy what you have. Live, love, be happy!!
Do not lose those memories of what home used to be. They are yours, and always will be, and dont lose that hope. tuck it away someplace. Who knows, suprises do happen.
Hope the snow has added more agrivation to your vacation. But, being from this part of the world, you know it doesn't stop until April.(Damn!)
All I can say is just keep moving. That is what you say you enjoy, then do it. And do it as long as you can. Good Luck.
PD
Home is where the beignets, I mean the heart, is... :)
I love you very much ......................
Checking out your blog, from my empty parents's home. I've had years to cope with all the crap this house meant to me... now I'm at peace with all of it. I sure hope you find home within yourself, since the live version life handed you seems to just bum you out. All the best 4 u.
I'm sorry things with your family are so rough.
Words are hard to take back, but violent actions are even harder. So I really hope things don't ever go that way.
Hang in there and things may get better.
Your friend,
Jimmy
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