Type. Pause. Type. Pause.

After the 2007 roadtrip, Matthew got a job selling decorative ribbons to people at an upscale store Union Square. Called Matthew at work today and an angry sounding woman picked up, "Matthew no longer works here." WTF? I stopped by his apartment yesterday. No one answered - he does not have a cell phone or a computer. I am worried.... Matt gets really upset when he does not fit into the whole society/working culture thing. He just wants to read books on the universe, meditate, and pretend he is a Yogi master. 

I never got to thank everyone who bought me birthday presents! I got the new seat covers, new Bettie Page mascot stickers and a book about Route 66 (which will come in handy, I am all over the old route 66 in two weeks!) Thanks for helping make the trip more colorful! 

Was a thread on MM tonight....

Thread - " Models, have you ever done a nude shoot which a photographer who was obviously and visibly very sexually turned on by the work you two were creating? How do you handle this? If you were in the position would you finish the shoot or leave right away?"

While I never think that sexual behavior is appropriate at a shoot, this question reminded me of a photoshoot from a few months ago.

I was shooting with a photographer that was wearing these super tight, white-washed 80's jeans that clung to him like a second skin. We were shooting artsy stuff in a window and he gets this HUGE (I am talking monstrous) erection down the front of his pants. There was barely any room in his pants to start with. I did not know what to do? He was not trying to hit on me and he was not acting sexual. He was, actually, acting like he did not even know it was there. So I just tried my best to ALSO ignore the giant python looking-thing poking down his thigh. Eventually, though, this large wet pre-cum stain started soaking through his pants and I just could not take it anymore. I was like, "This is super weird! I don't know if I should excuse myself or if YOU should excuse yourself?" Eventually I returned to the shoot, the thing in his pants went down and we finished taking photos... but I thought it was just hilarious. Not that he had an erection, but that he had an erection in white washed jeans with a pre-cum stain.

Family Life

You know, coming Home for me is always a little bit hard. I remember when "Home" was a place that I needed in my life..... When I first started modeling, I would jump on a plane and come "Home" every chance I got. A physical place to ground myself. A life with so little familiarity, I need a constant in both modeling and reality to make sense of my life. It has been a disappointing realization that "Home"..... right now sucks ass. The tension is atomic; atmosphere poison - half of us do not even converse any longer. I feel like I partake in a family, that if put on Jerry Springer, would either walk off stage or beat eachother's faces in....

... sometimes I feel like violence might be the best answer to this.....

For now, I will continue to do the same thing I always do when I come "home" - which is simply concentrate on leaving again, psyche myself up for it. Hope that when I return in August, everyone will get along, perhaps a bit....

Yes, some families have it much worse - but that is not a comfort to me ...

Just want to get to NYC, and when I get there, I am sure I will just want to get to Houston and once in Houston, I am sure I will just want to get to California... I cannot sit still. Just gypsy-in around the world, that is all I know how to do right now.