Corwin: November in the GreenBelt

Another kind of Family...

Matt, Patrick and I attended a Twitter-up this week - Which is a celebratory party for people who spend far too much time on the Internet - I am one of these people! We Tweet, we Tumble, we Flick, we Social Network! About fifty percent of those Twitter-up folk work from home, running their businesses, living in front of a monitor.

A lot of people who attended the Twitter-up, also read this blog - Surprisingly, I was even nominated for an Austin Blogger Award! Nominated! Me?.. How cool is it that I have lived in this city for only one year, and people actually voted for me here in TX!

Got into this conversation with one of my twitter buds - The conversation was really eye opening, and it made me think about something that I have never really put my mind to before. He was talking about how upsetting it is that I cannot share my life and my success with my family - And he then said something like, "Isn't it cool to have such a huge family online, that is so open and accepts all that you do?" - And you know what? He is completely correct. Even though I cannot share my life with my immediate family - You guys *are* my family.... You are my soundboard. You are my inspiration. You listen to what I have to say and you give me grand advice on all things. You have helped me in times of need. You have supported my modeling career, my writing, my decisions (even the bad ones), my adventures, need to travel - You send me letters about your family, your lives. I know many of you personally. You have been there for all things - I just wanted to say Thank You. Thank you for all that you have done this year. It is great having a family that I can be open with, a family that I do not need to hide from.

Showertimes

When the weather gets chilly..... I do not turn up the heat in my apartment, no - Instead, I emerse myself in a blistering hot shower! My bathroom becomes an incredible searing hot vortex, in which normal people would either scald to death or melt into a giant puddle of broiled mush bubbling in the drainpipes.... In my sweltering sweat room, I create an ongoing fantasy: I am in a wooden steam bath deep in the Amazon, sharing my company with intellectual guru-types. It is exotic, there are birds in the rainforest, and mist in the trees. Back home in Austin.... my Amazon gurus hang out on my porcelian crapper, making bowel movements, while picking kitten hair off their toes.... I suppose..... every steam bath, in every house, is different.

Best ideas for blogs come to me while showering. Then, of course, by the time I sit down in front of my computer, I have forgotten all the things that were worthwhile - except for this morning! This morning, while I was showering, I recalled a conversation from years ago.... It was this crazy sex story about my friend in LA, and how her and her man had been getting down and dirty in the shower - Somehow, amidst the friction, she slipped and nose-skidded into her bathtub faucet - breaking her both nose, a few teeth, and busting open her lip. Not the best shower story, I know. Perhaps it was the horror of the story, but today I remembered once I sat in front of my computer, and actually decided to Google how many sex related accidents happen in the bathroom (I often spend a lot of time Googling things like this) - And holy hell, I know this has nothing to do with sex in the bathtub, but did you know that you can get electrocuted while taking a shower in a thunderstorm? It is serious! Who knew? Somewhere between 10-30 people get electrocuted every year in their bathtub: Through their metal pipes, through impurities in the water, through bathtub attachments.... They say that the majority of people who survive these freak-accidents are the people who were wearing rubber shoes.....

Who wears rubber shoes in the shower? I don't know - I might just put it on my Christmas List.... You can never be too safe, you know.

Disintegration Collaboration

"Hi, London! It's been a long time since I've written. I congratulate you on your kitty-loving ways and your decision to go veggie. I've been a vegetarian for a couple of years now and, slowly, I'm aiming at a vegan path. I know you're super busy so I wanted to let you know that some of my latest artwork is part of the Disintegration Collaboration Project, which allows time and nature to help you create recycled art. One of my latest DisCo bundles features a xerox low res picture of you. After several weeks of rain, wind, heat, etc., here are the results. 

Take care, London. I wish you the best - Duff"

Photos from Chicago!

Joplin, Kansas City, Omaha, Milwaukee

As my new buddy, Doug in Joplin MO, would say, "It isn't a London Andrew's trip unless it is last minute and unorganized...." - Alas, that statement is very true.... The Midwest did not pan out for me as well as I hoped.... I found very little work between Dallas and Milwaukee - Not sure if this is because I booked it last minute (within two weeks notice), if the economy is bad, if it is the Midwest, or if it is just me.... I don't know.... either way, the drive has been incredibly beautiful .... and... As usual, I am incredibly broke...

Joplin was fun! Had the chance to hang with some new friends and we watched 4am Pumpkin Carving on TV. Kansas City was cold but the coffee shops were warm!  Our couchsurfer was an energy healer..... In Omaha, I had the chance to shoot in one of the most gorgeous historical Bed and Breakfast places I have ever visited... Andrew Baran was his talented amazing self, we shot some fantastic new stuff together.... He also shot a bunch of photos of Matthew (I included most of the photos in this blog).... Cannot wait to see what else we created! Matt and I went to check out LCD Soundsystem and HotChip on Friday night - The show was phenonminal...

Gearing up for Roadtrip...

Lots has been happening - Matt, my best friend, flew to Austin after Burning Man and has been living with Patrick and I for a little over a month... He is sleeping on our couch, living out of his suitcase (reminds me of our roadtrip years ago)

Austin City Limits was this past weekend - Spent the entire weekend, dancing, laughing, saturated in fantastic music.... The Local Natives were amazing live and Mayer Hawthorne put on a great set as well. ACL festival was very healing for the soul.... but it was not very healing for the body - Our entire house has been recooperating from cold/flu/strep throat for the past week..... On the upside, I won the PopChips challenge on Facebook this week! Thanks to all who voted, I know it is a pain-in-the-butt voting for people - But you helped me win a Platinum badge to SXSW Festival ($995 value) - I will be able to attend conferences for: publishing events, blogging events, social media events - Most importantly, I will be allowed to cut any line at SXSW..... And that, my friends, is well worth all that clicking you had to do on Facebook... :  )

As I type this, Matthew and I are gearing up for a whirlwind modeling tour to Chicago - My mustang is still broken down in our parking lot, so I am going to be driving Pat's Outback - The trip should take 10 days to get to Chicago and 10 days to get back to Austin - I feel so rusty.... I haven't booked a real modeling trip in almost four months now.... If I had started booking four weeks ago, I would have made $4000, now I will be lucky if I make $2000, everyone has already booked their models for the month....

This week, I was inspired to paint a mural on my wall... Pulled up one of my favorite artists, Amy Sol (painting to the left is the original print) and decided to get kinda funky and colorful with the Windy Panda Bear painting.... Lots of bright oranges, deep reds, and browns.... Years ago, I used to paint murals as a part-time job - And I have to say, that after five years of not picking up a paint brush, I was amazed that I can still create something this beautiful... I love how it inspires me and clears my head - I have not felt this great about creating something in years....

ModelMayhemWTF

Any of you follow ModelMayhemWTF on Twitter - They are pretty fantastic... A few weeks ago, while searching for paid work in Baton Rouge, I posted a photo to MMWTF: A naked model holding a dead catfish - Everything about the photo was "Ummm? What? Fuck?" - Well, coincidently, I had also emailed the guy, asking if he had any paid work for a traveling model - He said, "Yes! I have tons of ideas! I will hire you for four hours...! Come on over!"

And he did have tons of ideas - He had bought a bunch of pumpkins and he wanted me to stab them with knives - "Oooh this would be great if we had some fake blood" - He grabs red food coloring and starts dropping blood droplets all over the pumpkin and my boobs... About 10 minutes in, I notice that the food coloring is not coming off my hands... I ask him, "Did you check if this stuff washes off first?" And he goes, "Oh no, I forgot - I was just so-into-the-moment and you needed fake blood...." - I run to the shower.... It does not come off - Stuck with a weird pink blotches everywhere.. "Do you want to keep shooting?" "Of course! You look fine! Pink looks fine" Next he decides to shoot "Attack of the killer blob!" He pulls out a five pound bag of white powdery substance... "What is that stuff?" And he goes, "Oh, I work at the chemical plant!... I took it from work." And I go, "Yea, but what IS it?" And he goes, "I am not sure - We use it in a lot of things, like paint and household substances..." "But is it safe?" He goes, "I think it is..." At this point - I figure - I must have no-showed on this guy years ago... and now he is going to punish me with blotchy skin and cancerous materials.... But I shoot it....  and I shoot it fast... Showering afterwards, through the glass doors, I noticed the photographer now wearing nothing but a pair of tiny orange shorts...! Alarms sound off in my head! What is going on? He announces, "We are going to swimming! I have a few bottles of liquid nitrogen I took from work..." And I say, "Isn't that the stuff that dermatologists use on wart removal?!" And he goes, "Yup! Same stuff!"  Wow... what did I do this guy?.... Pink tinged, covered in cancerous slime, and now he is going to burn my skin off? Wow....

But actually, the liquid nitrogen was pretty neat - I have done a lot of photoshooting over the years and no one has shot anything like that with me before.... The liquid nitrogen freezes a very thin layer water... The water vapor then condenses making the most beautiful foggy smoke stuff...! Everything was great until he said that he wanted to Reanact a movie "FaceOff"... and he threw all the liquid nitrogen on my face....  and my face melted into the pool....

Everything was great until that happened.... (just joking... )

Seriously, though.... although it was a lot of fun, I learned a valuable lesson... Which is, almost all the models out there (including myself) put far too much trust into phototgraphers.... We expect the photographers to consider our safety and avoid dangerous situations - We expect them to plan their shoots, to scout, to experiment, to practice before we show up to shoot, to know what they are doing...  And sometimes they... just... do... not.... This is just a quick note to all you guys: Please try to consider your model's safety.... :  )  It is important and my mom would appreciate it a bunch!  Thanks!

Finding an apartment...

Months ago, the roommates and I talked about moving together - But last week, John and Bryn came home to tell us that they found a place and were moving without us.... It was that roommate break-up conversation, "It is not you, it is us."  Blah blah blah...

Congrats to them - but it truly left Pat and I in a bind. Only two weeks notice - no extensions on the lease.... Pat and I first considered getting a one bedroom home. We looked at a few places, but they were either too expensive or the move-in date was not until mid-September. We considered looking for roommates again.... but with the deadline being so close and all ... we decided against it..... Sooooo we started looking into apartment complexes...

....... Dreaded mass-produced apartment complexes *puke*.....

But not even kidding, there are some really nice ones in South Austin, right next to the Zilker Park/GreenBelt trailhead. The apartment complex we moved into is called The Woods - Obvious reason for the name? Apartments were built around the trees, we live inside a forest... The Woods was built in 1940's and was recently renovated... There is a pool, fitness center. Pat and I found this great 1 bedroom, 680 sq ft, with loft ceilings and a balcony.  It has brand new carpet, washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a pantry, a walkin closet (for all my sexy clothes....!), even an ice-cube maker!  I am having fun putting the place together.... It is nice being able to buy things, knowing that I can put them where ever I want. Bought some meat ikea bookshelves off craigslist for $40 - Something about owning two, seven foot bookshelves, makes me feel like I finally own something worthwhile.

I *do* feel guilty about Perry, though - I don't want to let her outside until she gets used to the new place.... She is usually so active, and now she is just bored.  She follows me around the house, like a game of follow-the-leader. She sleeps on the fridge. She sleeps in the pantry. She sleeps in the laundry.... She misses the cockroaches.

Lease is up....

When Pat and I first moved to Austin, it was difficult to find a place to live...

We were not exactly the most perspective housemates. After we relocated, Pat was jobless.... I have this modeling career that is very difficult to explain to others... Plus, my job is nearly paperless (no proof of income). We were looking for a petfriendly house that would be cool with Motel-Cat-Perry (who, after being on the road for two months, was not spayed and still did not have her shots) - Jobless and traveling with a dirty motel cat.

Thinking back on it, if John and Bryn had not answered our email.... I have no idea where Pat and I would have ended up.  We would have been stuck in San Antonio at Tim Summas - Instead, we moved into a really nice 1950's house, on a quiet road, $225 a person - A backyard, driveway, nice front porch with sunflowers ... Perry spends her time catching cockroaches and lizards. My bedroom gets more light than the entire house - I find that it is impossible to wake up on the wrong side of the bed... Mornings here are full of sunlight.

Sad part about this whole story, is that it sounds like our landlord plans to have this house demolished this summer.

The lease is up in two and half weeks... We need to be out on September 1st..

Dear London:

Kristal: "Dear London - I want to be you when I grow up. How do I make that happen? Thanks, Kristal"

London: "Hey Kristal, Easy! All you have to do is love kitties and try to make it to BurningMan once a year.... : ) Ha.. Then... perhaps... you shall become I..."

  Kristal: "Damn, thats where i have been going wrong! I've been loving men and burning kitties all these years! - Just wanted to say that your breath taking - Thank you for showing that 'thick' is marketable. It gives me hope that I have a place in this industry.. "

After Fetcon: Sleepin on Siesta Beach

WoolyBully

My brain is frizzled from lack of sleep and abuse from alcohol - but lets see if I can write a blog.

FetishCon - As with any kind of convention - I truly feel that your initial experience is the most intense - It shapes your perception and sets a precedent for everything that follows - The newness is exciting, curiosity is tempting....

But I do find, that after the first introduction....

A bit of the glitter gets lost....

But that is how I feel about most things.

.....I call this "jaded"

Most memorable year at FetCon was my first - 2006. I was 22 - I knew no one, no one knew me.....  That was the year, I walked through the main lobby, saw a guy dressed as a human horse, pulled his tail and found out it was a 10 inch butt plug (ouch!). That was also the year that I drank wine out of a bullhorn, got invited to an offsite concert, jumped into a car with a very drunk guy I did not know, drove 20 miles, and realized, half way to the show, that he was running drugs to the band .... bag of coke, bag of meth, bag of E, backpack was brimming... He was swerving on the road. I was scared. Slipknot invited us on the bus, they gave me some shots of vodka, I sat on someone's lap, someone kissed me - Later, I begged a stranger for a ride home, I think he thought I was a prostitute, he kept preaching about the Church... I hated my FetCon roommate that year - She was smart, beautiful, a graduate from Harvard.... she fucked guys for money and she locked me out on nights I came home too late - I was saturated with FetCon, smothered by it - I left my hotel Sunday morning, walked five blocks, ate lunch in a dead hotel.... My waiter and I rolled silverware together - I confided in him how horrifying the Hyatt was - Diaper-bears (the hairy guys my roommate was sessioning with in urine-stained Diapers) and the sissy ladies with balloon boobs - He left me and returned with two giant water bottles full of Rum and Coke to cope.... His name was Max.  Max was awesome....

That year - I was alone, shocked, excited, and alive
That year - I was also pathetically naive and self-destructive...

FetCon 2010 - Things have changed (not necessarily for better or worse): I know tons of people these days and tons of people know me - Fetcon, has become a lot like an extended family - This is the only time of year that I feel like I have 'co-workers' - Beautiful girls that I can hang out with, talk shop with, compare notes on photographers, exchange wardrobe, go out to dinner with...

FetCon still has the ability to shock me sometimes, though...

For example, three hours ago, I wore a strap-on dildo.... underneath a woolly pencil skirt and demanded that my well-paying Eskimo slave suck "woolybully lama cock on camera...".... Not my usual cup of tea but I can say, that if anyone ever asks me for the weirdest moment of my life... It goes like this:  I am looking down .... at this 40 year old man, wearing a barbie pink woolen sweater. There are knitted woolen sheep jumping across his fake tits... There are mousetraps hanging from his fake nipples.  I am thrusting my wool covered latex cock in his face and telling him "Suck my woolybully lama cock...." Wool fibers hang from his lips - And the videocamera ... just... keeps... rolling....

WorldStar Hip Hop Video

Since the video went up 2 days ago, it has had over 250,000 hits - I have had three magazines contact me about shooting, four photographers offering to fly me out of the country for modeling jobs, and at least a dozen PR guys hoping to hire me for radio shows and TV.... It is crazy. My inbox is flooded... I don't think I have ever seen so much email in one day...

For once in my life, my butt is getting more attention than my chest!  Ha.... My butt is famous!...

Just wish that their video quality didn't smush me down 12 inches, It makes me look all compact and weird... Check out my short stubby square video in all it's glory...... Video...

Eeek!..

While shooting with a photographer on Sunday afternoon, he asked "Do you shoot Pink?" (in case you are wondering - That is industry-talk for 'will you spread your vagina open and let me shoot your cervix...') ....And replied politely, "Nope, not my thing".....  He, then, asked "Really? You wont even do it OFF camera?"

Aquapalooza Lake Travis 2010

"Palooza" seems to be a quick way of saying, "You are gonna party your ass off all weekend..." AquaPalooza just rolled through. Free event, no tickets needed, held in over 100 different locations around the world. Touted as "the world's largest boating event," 15,000 boats and 84,000 attendees are expected in the aquacade's 100 locations around the globe (Stockholm, Singapore and Marbella, Spain all get stops).

I had to go check it out. You know I had to. I had this fifty foot boat lined up Friday night - $30 a person for ice, food, and shade. Butttt the captian was pushing off at 7am the next morning, wanted us there by 6:30am... I was laying in bed thinking, "It is 2am right now, can I really wake up in 4 hours and sit on the water for 16 hours and be happy about it?" Nope. That is not happening. Scratch that idea. Then I figured, there has to be a way to get out there without a boat. "Pat and I will just buy some pool rafts and swim it!" Great idea in my head (not sure how I talked Patrick into doing this, normally he is smarter than this), not so great when you have been swimming for a halfhour, it is 5pm, and the stage is still a tiny black dot in the distance - We did make it to the other side, cardio and all.... Just in time for Brad Paisley's encore!

Turn around.

A nice family boat picked Pat and I up on the way back - They dropped us off on the other side of the lake.... Pat and I hung out on our colorful floats, talking to other people on colorful floats, drinking beers, watching the sunset... It was a really good day.

They denied my claim...

As you know, my ATM card was stolen two weeks ago... I reported the card stolen as soon as I noticed (which was not quickly enough)  Over the course of two days and three different states (FL, NC, VA), they used my pin # and stole $580 from my checking account .... I filed a fraud claim with my bank, gave them all information I could - They said it would be two weeks before I heard anything...

Today I got a letter in the mail saying that the claim was denied.... When I called them to inquire as to why, they told me that even if I have documents that prove where I was on the days that the money was taken out.... The fact that someone used my pin # successfully proves that the claim is not fraudulent and I cannot get my money back...

... Everything is just so wrong in my life right now, I could not help it, I started crying...The guy felt bad for me - He did a little research, took some more notes, went in and re-opened the case - Told me file a police report because it will help my case, and also to collect documents that prove where I was that day....

I have been in such a dark miserable hole these last few weeks, it is like I have this cartoon black cloud following me around everywhere and I cannot shake it off... On a very positive note, I just want to mention here, that I really love you guys for trying to make things a little easier - The overwhelming flow of people sending donations has really helped a lot - The community on here is so fantastic, just a network of friends and people who say that this blog has inspired them in so many ways.... I never knew that these stories have touched so many people.  In the very least, if anything good comes out of this week, I know that I have a really great safety net of awesome friends on here.  Thanks for reading.  And thank you for being here for me...  because sometimes, especially this week, I really need it...

Photos:  Trisha Noble.. LA

First Roll, Mamiya, Tracy-face

Broke out the Mamiya - Tracy and I shot off my first roll of 120 film. Shot it by the Burner warehouse last week (Austin has so many neat places to shoot, tons of murals and things).  As for the photos themselves, I know that they turned out grainy... but I was shooting 400 speed film that expired three years ago AND the sun had just set, so I was pushing my luck.... regardless, I really like them a lot...

Blame game - ATM Card

Arrived at the Fort Laud Airport earlier than expected, Oh how I love the convenience of the Self-Check-In-Kiosk, no hassle, no people, no problems! "Please insert a credit or debit card to locate your flight information" Went to pull out my ATM card.... and..... it... was.... not.... there!?  Weird?  Dug around in my purse for a minute, trying not to notice the line of people burning me with their impatient eyeballs.... I tore through receipts, old gum wrappers, a pile of makeup brushes at the bottom of my purse - No ATM card.....

First call was to the Bank - They cancelled my card, re-issued me a new one.

Second call was to the Fraud Department - They informed me that over the course of two days, $580 had been pulled out of my Bank Account... First transaction happened in Ft Laud, second in Jacksonville, third in North Carolina, and a fourth in Richmond VA... They asked me if I had any idea who it could have been, any information I could give them would be used in the investigation....

It was either my Ex or the lady who was hanging out at our campsite on Sunday night.

Regardless of who took it - No one but Patrick and I know my ATM pin number... Have any of you ever heard of someone taking cash out without a pin?  Is that even possible.... I am confused

Jay in Fort Lauderdale...

After his near-death experience with his heroine/coke ball - I distanced myself from Jay. I loved him as a friend but had fallen out of love with him, hard.... I just could not balance his life, his problems, his anger, with the love we had - I returned his keys in his mailbox, I stopped answering his calls, I stopped going to his place, I stopped participating in his life - It was hard - Every night I worried about him.... Every night I hoped that he was safe.

After years of not speaking, you can imagine my surprise when I got a text from him this week.  The text said, "Hey babe, I am in FL. Call me sumtime"  Now Jay is not Internet savvy, he types with his index fingers, he does not have a facebook or a twitter account.. he had absolutely no idea I was in FL.  I wrote him back, "which part of FL" - He typed out "FtLaud"... I called him up.  Guess he was having some trouble back home and was sleeping on a beach, he had been held up twice at gunpoint, he was broke, homeless - I told him, "I am in Fort Laud too. I will pick you up in the morning..."

My current boyfriend sees good in just about everyone - After all these years of watching me model for money, dealing with guys hitting on me, he knows that I live for our relationship... 

When I called him and explained the situation, he said "Don't worry about it - If it was one of my old friends, even an old girlfriend, I would do the same thing... I trust you."

Oh man - When Jay crawled into my car, skinny, lobster-red, wild-eyed, clothes torn up and stinking... I did a double-take.  He looked like someone who had been living on the streets for years .... He launched into a speech about how he was cleaning his life up - no more drugs, no more drinking, no more cigarettes... I nodded and congratulated him (knowing full well that he was trashed) - Hours later, after showering and grabbing some food, he starting catching me up about life.

Guess he had hooked up with a 27 year old girl with three kids, accidentally got her pregnant, had a baby with her.  For the last three years, he has been a dad to all four children, including her one autistic child. Being a father was the one thing keeping him sane and grounded - He talks about kid baths and family dinners, and I see happiness. It beams from his eyes.. But aside from the kids, his relationship was falling apart - One night he got drunk, caught his GF cheating on him, and went crazy - He put his fist through a wall and she beat him with a baseball bat in self defense - The next morning, she took two restraining orders against him.  She found a new boyfriend and told Jay not to worry about Father's Day "You are not seeing your kid anymore" - blah blah blah (God, re-reading this, it sounds like Jerry Springer... oh and it gets worse) - He quits his job. Tries to hang himself in the backyard, but the rope broke (he has quite the scar to prove it... ick) - Eventually, not knowing what to do, he just ran from his problems.... He jumped on a bus and tried to get a job in New Orleans with BP Oil but they were only hiring locals. And so he ended up in Ft Laud, homeless on a beach.

I know the drama involved here. And I know that with Jay comes chaos..

But I invited him to go camping with me in the Keys... He spent the entire time talking about his daughter - I spent those few days trying to talk him into gaining control of his life, to stop complaining and blaming others, to start doing something productive - I talked him into calling his mother, to get a ticket home. Talked him into getting a job that might overlook his past arrests "The military sucks, but if you prove yourself and you want your daughter back, that will be your best option...." Truthfully, I not even sure the military can clean up his record. Truthfully, I am not even sure if sending him home was the right advice... For all I know, next week he could obsess about his daughter so much, he might try to kidnap her or something... *sigh*  Hard situation...