Phx has been fun!

Hit up craigslist for camping equipment today.... Found a nice Kelty 10x10 tent, two sleeping bags for $60 total.... The guy had a TON of gear - He informed me that he organizes camping trips for recovering drug addicts/alcoholics "..And when those motha-fuckers relapse, (they always do).... I sell their shit!"... He looked like a bad alcholic himself, bad skin, saggy cheeks.... Regardless of the situation, I am grateful to have some quality camping stuff this week - We need it for the festival and our trip to Sequoia next week...


Talked to Matt for a bit..... He has been tanning on Venice beach all week.... burnt himself red like a lobster...Eccentric with the Aloe Vera - He has been drinking it, soaking in it, drenching himself with it... Hoping it works in the next 24 hours, because LIB is all outdoors in the sun....


Check Engine Light came on in the Mustang two days ago.... Haven't had any trouble so far - hoping it can hang in there for a week or so.... I don't have any time to get it looked at until Monday.

Roadtrip to Cali (with Matthew!)

Matthew - "Bad news: My waiter job in Syracuse stressed me out so much.... I got demoted to Bus-Boy - I quit! I saved up $2000! Lets go on a trip! Where should we go?"

First thought was my aunt's cheese farm in Vermont (I REALLY want to go work up there this summer and make some badass Brie with my family.... working on a farm sounds really rewarding).... But Matt decided on Joshua Tree Music Festival, "Rubblebucket is playing. I want to be there." - But, "It is only six days away! There is no way I can make Joshua Tree work - Stay a week after the festival, I will meet you in LA..... there is this other festival I have been dying to check out... Type  Lightning in a Bottle into your browser and call me back."

Lightning in a Bottle! Ahhhh! I've been trying to go for the past two years! Ever since I saw Lucient Dossier perform at Coachella, I have been hooked - This festival is everything I love about life... Great people, inspiring art, yoga, educational workshops, camping, amazing music, performances - It is run by a small Burner community... It feels like Burning Man. You bring your garbage in, you trek it out.



So Matt calls me and is like, "OH MY GOD! Lets get tickets!" - So we did. Four day festival tickets, in fact.... Gonna be a great weekend!

Matt is currently in LA, staying with some friends he made at Joshua Tree last year. Called me the day he flew into LA, 4am in the morning... He was lost. Stuck on a bus somewhere, he had no idea where he was - Haven't talked to him since. Hoping things have gotten better. Sunday afternoon, I leave for Las Cruces, Monday I drive into Phx to shoot for a few days, Thursday I pick Matthew up and we head into LIB. Following Monday, we leave for a four day camping trip in Sequoia National Park/Kings Canyon - Then Matt is planning on flying out of LA and then I have a Crap-ton of modeling work for LA. I will be working my ass off that week! I have two 8 hour shoot dates set and a bunch of 2-3 hour jobs scattered around town.

End of an Era: Ode to the Mustang

My first car was a cute 1996 Firebird. Drove it everywhere! Bucket seats, big windows - But by the time I turned 20, the Firebird was costing me far more in repairs, than it was actually worth - That is when Mom talked me into buying a used 2000 Oldsmobile SUV - "Unlike your last car, this one will be safe, reliable. SUV's are great for NY state winters" - Not entirely sure why I agreed to buy it... never liked it. Behind the wheel, I felt like a 50 year old mechanic, with bad breath, dirty fingernails and soggy shoes....

A year passed - By 2005, I was regularly traveling to NYC for modeling work - After a particularly profitable trip to NYC, I was driving my OldManCar and I passed a Used Car Lot - There, glittering in the sun, inviting as a warm black stone, was a beautiful black mustang convertible.... The car looked like happiness. It looked like freedom. It looked like an Adventure. I pulled over, asked the owner if I could take it for a test drive, he said, "Go ahead"... So I did. When I got back, I called my mom at work and told her, "I am trading my SUV for a Mustang Convertible."..... I cannot explain to you, how upset she was - I cannot explain to you, how badly I needed to own that car....

The mustang was the #1 reason that I decided to model around the US - Without that mustang, I would not have been inspired to drive 100,000 miles in three years - I yearned to put the top down, blasting my favorite album, traveling up Highway 1..... We went to 47 states together - Camped in over 40 National Parks - She survived a mudslide in Utah - Drove the mountains of Colorado - Slept in both high/low deserts - Provided entertainment for both me and my best friend. Managed Highway 1 (twice) - Survived a Mormon Parade - Had a homeless man with terminal cancer help change her tire - Saw most of southern Canada, including Banff and Jasper - She took a virgin trip to Burning Man (how she didn't die there, blows my mind) ....... Last year, she helped me move all the way from Cleveland Ohio to Austin TX.....

That car was my dream car - With the top down, I felt like I could go anywhere and everything would be OK - Losing her, is the end of an era for me..... Tomorrow she will be sent to a junk yard to be parted-out and..... well... it... feels like my childish dreams are also being parted-out with her... it sucks

But I need to face it - Her body has rusted out completely - Break lines have busted for the third time now. She has two temporary plugs in her oil well, both which have been leaking. Both of the seatbelts do not work. There are no airbags. The car keeps overheating. Airconditioning is gone. The trunk doesn't open. Windshield is cracked. The transmission is months from being blown.... The guy who fixed it last referred to my mustang as a "death trap".... And while the Mustang lasted two years after his prophecy, these last few months, his words began to ring true....

My Ode to the Mustang: I love you much.... thanks for holding out so long...

Corwin in Austin....

Corwin Prescott and his lady, VauntD, crashed on my futon last week. Love it when they come to visit Pat and I - They always feel like family to me. Here are the top three reasons I like them at my place: #1, They know how to play a mean game of Apples to Apples with Alcholic Whipped Cream. #2, They know where all the amazing food is located (although, I still think that Beef Intestine Soup sounds like a poor choice over Veggie Tacos). #3, They travel with the *cutest* Pug-dog in the entire world - His name is Franco (aka Bacon) ..... Franco and Mom-dog became good buds....
(what you cannot see in this picture... is the real mystery....)

Corwin, VauntD, and I... visited one of my favorite places in Austin, a gorgeous remote pool twenty miles from my place - Even with ten people tanning on the beach, we managed to snap off a few naked photos, without anyone noticing us....

Last night they were in Austin, we visited the Jackalope and went out with a whole slew of people from ModelMayhem - Including Louise Black from Project Runway, ElleV, and a bunch of local photographers... it was a really good time.....

If you like Corwin's photos - Remember he is on a roadtrip around the US! He is always mentoring photographers or taking photos of models in return for some Roadtrip cash.... Look him up. His rates are fantastic and you will really enjoy working with him...

"That Hampton Inn is Famous?"

"Oh really? ... Why is it famous?"

"Didn't you hear about it? A bunch of girls flew from the UK last week - And they had Illegal butt surgery there? It was all over the news..."

"No," *dumbfounded* "... what do you mean 'Illegal butt surgery?'"

"Well... I hesitate to call him... A 'surgeon' ... But this guy was working out of a Hampton Inn Hotel room - And he performed illegal butt enhancements on a bunch of girls from the UK.... using.... you won't believe this.... Housing Caulk... No joke. The same kind of House Caulking you buy at Home Depot! This GUY, injected CAULK into their BUTT CHEEKS! And one of the girls had chest pains and died shortly afterwards.... That is why that Hampton Inn is famous...."

"Oh." *dumbfounded...*

God vs the Carnivore

Sitting in Atlanta Airport, I ran into a man, about my age, from Memphis. He opened up the conversation by commenting on how icecream tastes so much better in an overcrowded airport (to which, I agreed, Indeed!...). He, then, began talking about the Ministry and "God"..... Ugh. Organized religion makes me nervous.

For those of you who go to church...! - Please - Understand, I AM happy for you. Anything that effects your life positively is a great and wonderful thing. But personally, I think God lives in the woods, in nature, in wide open spaces and that is where I will always feel closer to universal energy. 

Usually, at an airport, when someone asks, "What do you do?" - I avoid the "Nude Modeling" conversation - I have been in hundreds of airports and explaining my job to strangers and it just does not bring me joy. SO! I usually steer the conversationaway from my job and we talk about traveling. I love talking about the three months that I spent volunteering in Africa or Guatemala. Or captivating them with that crazy mudslide story from Utah, or that time that Matthew and I lived off crackers in the Florida Keys.

For some reason, though, when the Religious guy asked me, "What do you Do?" ... I answered honestly... "I am nude model. I get naked and I take photos all over the United States." He cleared his throat, "Oh, well how does that make you feel?" And I said, "When I work with honest, kind, creative people, it makes me very happy." And he said, "...But how does it feel knowing that you Help to objectify women?"..... Defensively.... I wanted to lash back at him. Personally, I feel that I am trying to empower women. I feel like I am teaching women to take their bodies back. I am not letting men or society or anyone dictate what I can or cannot do with my own body. My body is my own. Does that mean that sometimes my photos get taken out of context and people objectify me? Absolutely 💯 - But is my goal as a model to objectify women? No. I feel like a lot of objectification happens when someone views a photo and chooses not to pay attention to the context or the person behind the image.

But, in the 20 seconds the conversation happened, I could not help but relate this conversation to the Vegetarian/ Carnivore dilemma I run into all the time.

I am a Vegetarian and when I tell a Carnivore that I am a Vegetarian, they almost always get defensive. It can be expected. They want to say ridiculous and hurtful things... like, "Cows are food, not friends." or "My food poops on your food!" Or "I love vegetables, as long as they come with a big juicy steak" - It drives me nuts! You want to eat meat!? Whatever. But being hurtful, for no reason, does not get us anywhere.

So I chose listen because arguments do not make anyone's soul feel good. So I sat there. Watching his eyes light up about Jesus. He downloaded sermons onto my Macbook. I don't know what it is but as soon as I see someone that is passionate about just anything, I am so easily drawn in by thrm. I could feel his love and his passion. It ended up being a very uplifting airport conversation that will sit with me for a long time.

My Strap-On Box

While shopping for lingerie today - I found MY strap-on Box! Hehehe.... always makes me giggle...

I arrived at that shoot - to find eight dudes, sitting on the couch, drinking whiskey, watching hardcore porn.  Sex-toys everywhere! Sex toys tossed carelessly on sofas, the tables, the floor. I came to the obvious conclusion - Someone set me up for a bukkake scene?!..... I freaked out! Grabbed my stuff and high-tailed it to my car. Half way there, I ran into the photographer in the parking lot.  He seemed genuinely happy to see me. He seemed honest and likeable. I did not feel like he would try to put me in a bukkake scene....

Me:  "Ummm... What is going on with porno escapade inside?"

Him:  "Oh you mean all the guys on the couch?.... They are actually reviewing product today.  I think there are about eight of them, right?  Production managers, toy creators, box cover managers, ect...."

Me:  "You mean, those guys in there - get paid to watch porn?"

Him:  "Yup, they get paid for that."


The strap-on was so cheaply made, they used duct tape on my butt, to keep it attached..... My makeup artist kept coming over and adding more tape.... Man, duct tape is great for anything!


Sara Liz told Carlotta that I had a giant poster at the AVN's last year - Not sure whether that is flattering or.... well, yea... It's flattering..... Anyways - if you see my big black dong in a sex-shop - feel free to tell people you know me... haha.... that should spark some good conversation...