London Andrews - On The Road - The Blog

Calendar/Print Sale!

2012-01-18T13:51:00.002-05:00

As you probably know, Paypal permanently shut my account down last month - Due to the fact that they consider "nude photography is obscene and vulgar"..... This has ruined selling ability on Ebay and it has closed down all my calendar sales and print sales (a huge part of my income and a huge let down for those of you who want access to the 2012 calendar).... A merchant account is too difficult and expensive for me. And no one is going to sign up for other services like MoneyLenders or whatever other companies Ebay offers, most of those sites are overseas and have terrible customer service reviews...... (I wouldn't want you to sign up for those sites anyways....)

With my new 2012 pinup calendar just printed, and a ton of autographed material sitting around - I want to get these pieces available to you..... So I've decided to open a Dwolla account. Perhaps you have heard of them? They are a new start up business, making it cheap and easy to send money around the US.... They only charge .25 a transcation (be it $10 or 10,000).... Professional, easy to deal with (plus, you will be able to use it to send money to anyone, cheap and fast, friends and family)..... In the next few years, I am hoping they will overcome coporate paypal as a payment option.... I am writing this blog, in hopes that you will sign up - Support a small business with great intentions...

I will be selling on Etsy... Starting next week.
I will also be taking personal checks and money orders....
BUT, it would be awesome if you could make this easier
and just get a Dwolla account so transactions move faster...
Hope to see you on Esty next week!

Kerouac

2011-11-16T14:24:00.003-05:00

“There’s nothing to life but the living of it…hold still man, regain your love of life and go down from this mountain and simply be-be-be the infinite fertilities of the one mind of infinity. make no comments, complaints, criticisms, appraisials, avowals, sayings, shooting stars of thought, just flow, flow, be you all, be your what it is, it is only what it always is…so shut up, live, travel, adventure, bless and don’t be sorry.” - Jack Kerouac

"Collision with Animal"

2011-11-16T13:34:00.005-05:00

That is what the insurance company calls it.... What they should call it is: Collision with a crazy giant 200lb suicidal kamikaze Buck - I don't know why, of all times he decided to cross the road, that ridiculous buck decided to cross the road INTO my car... *sigh* - Couldn't have stopped if I wanted to... he cut in at a 90 degree angle, galloping full speed right into the drivers side of my mustang. Happened so fast.... I could barely breathe. Huge antlers headed towards my window, it's eyes rolling into it's head, I heard it's neck snap as it impacted on my windshield.... Car shook and rattled.... Drove a half mile before the engine gurgled, turned over and died.... I glided to the right side of the road....

Highway Patrol showed up three minutes later - Two guys hopped out of their cruiser with flashlights, looking at the under belly of their car. "Did you see that fucking deer!!!? It was a monster!! Biggest one I've seen all season!! Can't believe we ran right over it!" Flashlights on door, flashlights in my face... Kept trying to tell them that I was OK - But couldn't roll my window down or open my door.... car was too smashed up....

Tow truck guy (who was insanely attractive beyond all comprehensible belief) - Towed me to Farmington, a small town about twenty miles from Rochester NY. Dropped off my car. Dropped me off at a hotel. By which time, it was about 4am.... I called Matthew and gushed about how terrible I felt about killing a majestic magical animal with seven points on each antler - Matthew gushed about how I should go pick the deer up and bring it home so we could eat it - "I've been a vegetarian for three years, but I would make an exception to save that animal from wasting away on the side of Highway 90".... Obviously, I didn't go back for the deer..... I imagine Matthew and I trying to cut up a big bloody animal in our backyard... I would cry, he would cry, we'd be covered in blood... It would be a mess... As my adrenaline rush finally left me at 5:30am, I crashed out on top of my covers...

USAA is awesome. They had my car towed to Rochester, to a nearby collision place for free. They set me up with a cute rental car from Enterprise (little Toyota Camery). Issued the check yesterday so my car will be worked on promptly. I have a $500 deductible. The collision place told me I probably won't have the mustang back until after Thanksgiving.... so it looks like I am driving my rental car to Boston for the holidays. Yep.

2011-11-15T22:19:00.005-05:00

Han Noodle

2011-11-10T13:50:00.003-05:00

... on Monroe, has really yummy vegetarian food!
Mmmm... and hot Jasmine tea..... yep....

Sita Mae's Dinner Party

2011-11-07T13:02:00.016-05:00

Love Sita!... First worked with her in LA five years ago at the Banana Bungalow Hostel - Fifteen minutes, we shot these pics for her Panty Project .... Shot again in Grand Rapids a few months back - Instead of using her fancy expensive camera.... she shot me with her iphone with Trishy Trash, drinking wine, eating pizza till 2am - If you haven't checked out Sita's personal website, I recommend you do (She is a badass photographer who deserves your attention for the next five Internet minutes...) - When she informed me that she was driving from Pittsburgh to Rochester to shoot me this weekend - I was ecstatic! - Cloud Nine Happiness! - Sita. In Rochester. For a weekend! Yay!

Saturday. Matt stripped down, shot naked in front of his giant art wall in his bedroom. Epic photo of him dancing around in his red undies w/Momdog in his arms

Later that night, Matt threw a dinner party for Sita! Yay! Love how the house heats up and everything smells like sizzling buttery garlic. Friends in the kitchen, chopping food, simmering soup, loud music, dancing to Foster the People, Veggies. Craft beer, good company. Family dinner with friends - Sita talking to Aaron about gallery shows and art prints - Sarah making her potato cheddar casserole with fake ham - Kate wearing her 90's flannel, drinking red wine at the diningroom table - Kurtis with his arm around my shoulder, saying something silly like "You own my heart, my Koala Unicorn Panda Sunflower Alaskan Sunrise" - Matt .... smiling at John, and John .... smiling at Matthew - Sometimes life can be really amazing...

October

2011-10-29T01:45:00.016-04:00

For all the ups and downs in the past few months, things seem to slowly be turning around - Time still moves slowly here in Rochester. One week here, feels a lot like a month or two (or three or four). Looking at myself, I am not really doing much with my life (But really, who is? What are you doing?). I am in school, learning how to run my own business someday - Barely modeling (by choice), working locally, traveling once a month for modeling work (shame really, cause I haven't felt this good or looked this healthy in a very long time...) - I will most likely get a part-time grooming job in January once I am confident in myself and my abilities - I want to start grooming more often, phase the modeling out slowly... Maybe a few more trips to LA and AZ, places that are warm and inviting this winter, but I feel detached from the modeling world..... I love photography... I love many of you who have photographed me in the past....but I haven't "felt" love for modeling in a very long time....

Rochester life is full of friends - Matthew, Kate, Kurt, John, Molly, Aaron, Sarah, Jeff, a mess of wonderful acquaintances who come and go throughout the week. Campfires with Apple Cider. Dinner parties till midnight. Hiking in pretty places. Coffee houses. Live music. Dancing. Movie nights. Lux. Art galleries. First Friday. Matt and I paint now and then - Lots of great companionship, lots of wonderful memories being made every day. Haven't .... had a community of friends like this... ever.... it is really new and very welcome.

Eric Jackson - Cleveland Photos

2011-10-24T22:53:00.000-04:00

Worked with a few people in Pittsburgh and Cleveland this weekend! Thought I would share some photos... : ) Happy-end-of-Fall to all of you!

Experience:

2011-09-14T01:17:00.012-04:00

Traveling across the country in a hurry? Not as fun as expected. Matt and I spent 16 hours in a cramped car, for four days in a row. Matt was under a giant black cloud most of the trip - his relationship in Rochester, with a cute Christian boy, fell apart days before the Burn. Never have I seen him so desolate and frustrated... As I drove. And he sat in the passenger seat, quiet, upset, leaving desperate voicemails on Chris's phone...

There was no time to stop and visit all the people I know and love in the midwest (sad!). There was no time to stop and see all the things that I know and I love in the midwest (sad!).... Just hundreds and hundreds of miles of open road.... I think if we had more time - Or if I had a second driver, it would have been much more fun.... It wasn't... really... that fun....

Arrived late late night on Wednesday.... It was a clear night. Stars as far as you could count. Line for Burning Man? Nonexistent! Took fifteen minutes from pavement to playa - Mustang threw chalk dust to the air. Matt shook the car with Gypsy Rock - We landed on the moon of Burning Man around 3am, 6:30 and Anniversary, right next to center camp. Wednesday. Weird night. It was quiet. Most of the city was asleep (NEVER happens!).... Art cars were sleeping, the city was quiet, Matt and I walked to the Temple, everything seemed silent, pensive.... That temple.... Hundreds of people. Sleeping. Praying. Cuddling. To the sound of Tibetan Bells.....

At 5am, I left Matthew asleep in the temple with a hundred of other people.... I wandered off and watched sunrise from a lookout tower. Nothing quite like a sunrise at Burning man.... The Sun comes up slowly.... a backwards sunset....Colors before the light - It's quiet. Some people are just waking, some are going to sleep, some are disoriented and walking in circles, some walk on their palms... drums pound in the distance. The city awakes... Day begins.... The Sun-star glows brilliantly....The sun has no mercy for your hangover... Your tent will cook.

Had an AMAZING week! Hard to make sense of with simple words....!... All of Burning Man is just one very very very very long day in my brain..... I woke up, went to the HeeBeeGeeBee camp (which is my favorite!), steambathed, yoga-d, danced and chanted like a monkey for a few hours - Hopped in the billion bunny march in a very short skirt, onto the fuzzy bunny float! Watched bunnies take on the unicorns at the Thunderdome! Lyrical dance camp until 3am, leaped to Edward Sharpe. There was a wedding and a reception and Jen danced with her new hubby to Whitney Houston until the backwards sunset shook the mountain - Four very seriously sexy guys ask me to sleep with them (all different nights, all different kinds of sexy)... I went to bed alone, dodging advances and orgy domes all weekend. I DID fall for this adorable guy from Belgium who is in the circus - And we ran around the desert holding hands and looking at art and he kissed my face a bunch - but the playa took him away - Loved how he said my name, "Jezzz eeek aaaah" ... Secretly, I keep hoping he will magically pop back into my life and steal me away to Europe... I will ride horses in the circus, sleep in one of those fancy railroad cars, and he will say my name fifty times a day and I will be happy... yep....

As usual, Matthew found a playa boyfriend. This one was named Andrew and he camped next to us all week.. Matt spent all his time at camp, kissing Andrew and putting makeup on him - I spent a lot of time flying solo, visiting my favorite people, running into playa friends I've made in past lives..... I will admit, it was a weird burn for me. A good one. But a weird one. Perhaps because we arrived so late? Or perhaps because we didn't have bikes this year? Or because Matt and I only spent one day together - Perhaps it was the story Tracy told me about her friend in LA dying of cancer while we partied in the sandbox - Maybe it was that last box of wine everyone shared?.... Matt says that your week at Burning Man reflects the year that you will live.... If that is true. Matt will find love this year and he will be happy and complete.... Me? I will be wandering alone in the desert with people I half-heartedly care about, telling 2/3rds of the men I meet stop touching my boobs... Actually sounds about right... yep.

Traveled back home slowly... Stopped at Hobo Hot Springs in Wyoming, swam for hours in the river... Shared a twin bed for $27, nearly killed eachother from lack of sleep. Grand Rapids with TrishyTrash, almost got tattoos done on my ears.... Ate pizza and talked to Trisha about her Day of the Dead wedding - Sita shot me with her Iphone (her new obsession)...

Burning MAN!

2011-08-27T16:15:00.021-04:00

"What is Burning Man?" - I wish I had a simple answer like, "It is an art festival." or "It is a music festival" or "It is a hippie thing." - But Burning Man is incredibly complex. With 60,000 people - Burning Man becomes ALL things.... If you want to dance, Burning Man has dance clubs, big beautiful and vast. If you love art, there are over 500 art installations, spread out for miles in the desert, they will even give you a guided tour. If you are a recovering alcoholic, they have AA camp and meetings every day. If you love yoga and spirituality, they have classes all day, every day. They have silly camps like dodge ball camp and taco camp and happy candy camp and Lord of the Rings camp. Literally, if you can dream up a camp, it exists there..... They even have a Zombie Unicorn camp (whatever that might be...)

And all that stuff is fun... yep

But... I would not drive 5,000 miles for silly camps in the desert, nope - The magnet that pulls me to Burning Man... is the COMMUNITY!..... Neighbors at this festival really become your family, your closest friends... Can you imagine knowing every single person on your street where you live? At Burning Man - that happens.. By the end of the week, you know every single person on your street. You share meals together, you share you stories together, you share your costumes and your batteries and your tiki lights.... You sit under tents in sandstorms together. These people come from all over the world - Japan, Australia, Belize, Iceland....The atmosphere is unbelievable and full of culture and friendly faces.

Matt and I have made so many friends over the years - Not just from Burning Man but also the regional burns: We have friends in the Boston camp (Firefly) - Friends in the AZ camp (Toast!) - Our LA crew, the Chicago kids... Matt and I are in a wedding party on Thursday! Jen's getting married! Yay! A bunch of models are going this year: V Nixie, Scar, Model T, Tracy. Becker, from LA, might shoot me on the playa again this year! Whoot!

I love this festival like no other..... It keeps a light inside of me going.... It reinforces my idea that ALL things are possible... The biggest step to Burning Man, is just *getting* there... Once you are there, the city, the art, the landscape, the people, and the community embrace you... It is an beautiful festival.

New Apartment! Yay!

2011-08-19T17:03:00.018-04:00

IN LOVE with this new apartment - I have a difficult time imagining a better place to live.. Open spaces, gleaming hardwoods, high ceilings, unbelievable ambient light, brand new windows, a front porch, a backyard, the most amazing living room to hang out in... I have been looking for this apartment for years.... it *found* us.

Matt and I were actually on our fifth apartment walk through of the day - A guy with a bunch of boxes, called out across the street, "Hey! Are you looking for an apartment? This one is going up on craigslist next week...!" - Although the place was under a ton of construction and dust, I absolutely knew it was our apartment... It literally Shouted at us - Two days later we signed the paperwork... the place was ours....

Currently we are interviewing for a third roommate - Basically, we are just looking for someone who could be an amazing friend. I have a HUGE issue living with people that I cannot connect with on a personal level... Surface conversations make me uncomfortable and I tend to hide in my bedroom to avoid it (my job is surface conversation.. bleh)... I just want someone who wants to participate in living together........ Dinners once a week, market on the weekend, craft night at Lux...

Rochester is NOT Austin (not even close), but The Wedge does have a few Austin-like qualities! There is a funky coffee shop just like Mozarts (without the lake) two blocks down. A fancy bar called Tap and Mallet which is JUST like Ginger Man (but cheaper), three houses down. I have an organic supermarket at the end of my road. BurningMan-like bar, Lux is only a few doors down. Equal Grounds Coffee Shop (the gay coffee shop!). The German House. The Wedgestock Festival is this weekend, on my street ...

Courage

2011-07-31T22:21:00.002-04:00

Hey, long time reader and a huge fan of your work, I felt compelled to write you. I have to say that I began as just an admirer, but you have become a kind of hero to me. I love the courage you show in your pursuit of life. Normally I would just follow you online and try not bug you, but I just finished reading your entry "The BreakUp" and was a little shocked as it kind of hit close to home for me.

Last year, I also went through a hard break up (Note from London: skipping the deets, cause they are personal). Just wanted to send you some advice. Just remember. One foot after the other - I developed a routine for my everyday to make sure I didn't wallow; I started swimming again, touched base with friends and began to paint as well as write. I made sure I did something physical, creative and social everyday.

I also began taking a harder look at my life. I hated my job. A lot. Years of work for poor pay in a shitty environment. The big reason that I had stayed so complacent was because I had a relationship and a wedding to plan. Once we broke up, I asked to be laid off. I have been free of that job since December 2010.

Part of the reason I did that was because of you. One of the major reasons I read your blog is all the road trips you keep doing. I've never been on a road trip further than Los Angeles (I live in SF). I loved and day dreamed about all the stuff you keep driving around too and the adventures you keep getting yourself in. So in December of last year I went out on a little drive that didn't stop for about 2,500 miles.

In that time I made new friends in Eureka, fell in love with Portland, got dysentery in Seattle (of all places) and saw all of Vancouver. It was amazing. All the people, the beautiful northwest, the drinks and food, the everything. Very theraputic and even caught a couple of double rainbows.

The big thing was the realization of just how big life actually is and how sometimes we imprison ourselves with our own lives. Yeah, I may have still been in pain, but apart of that pain was me keeping my eyes closed to just what else life had to offer and could be.

So, I wanted to say thank you again. You were a strange inspiration for me at a time when I needed it. I also wanted to offer some of the same advice; A reminder that when things seem to be at their worse, it means things can only get so much better. But then again, your the one who taught me that - Hope your living it up, and If you ever hit SF I owe you, Matt, Tracy and Mom-dog a drink, Thank you again,

Vermont

2011-07-20T15:11:00.021-04:00

Monday, after Firefly, Matthew, Sarah and Aaron and I drove to Burlington to pick up the dogs. We boarded Mom-dog and Yukon at an unconventional kennel - When Mom-Dog saw the Mustang - She did a victory lap that would put Nascar to shame. Fast fast fast, like a greyhound, up the driveway... down the dirt road... around the house... yard.... mustang....

Matthew, Sarah, Aaron and I drove to Burlington - Located the most American campground you can possibly imagine. American flags, RVs, hamburgers, hot dogs, motorcycles, tons of small children cooking marshmellows. Aaron's request, we grabbed dinner at the Vermont Pub Brewery - Outdoor patio, dog friendly - Ate vegetarian food, while a funk band sang a bunch of ridiculous songs about being vegetarian... Walked through the village square, sang in the Battlefield park, danced in the amphitheatre to My Fair Lady...

Tuesday was the beach. We laid in the sand, let our bodies cook in the sun. Grabbed lunch and supplies at Burlington's CityMarket CoOp. Headed south into the Green Mountain National Forest - 400,000 acres of National Forest. Swam in a dozen rivers and waterfalls along the way, tried to teach Mom-dog to swim - Eventually, decided on a primitive campsite near Texas Falls - Set up camp next to a bubbling stream, found dry wood, cooked some dinner, shared stories until the AM.....

Stopped at an old corner store that has been around since the 1700's on Wednesday - Cute old lady made the most amazing soup I've ever eaten (sorry soup peddler, grandma wins this round, she has been making soup since the 1700s) - Four of us, sat in the grass, eating soup, trying to figure out which direction to head next. During that time, I told everyone about my 2nd cousin's Cheese farm in central Vermont.... They asked, "Can we go there?".... I told them, "I'm not sure. Let me see if I can get ahold of her." Facebook is an amazing thing! Becky told us to stop by whenever, we could camp on her land! Whoo! ..... On the way, we stopped off at the Bigtown Gallery which was showing Edward Koren's work. Arrived at Becky's house around 7pm... Haven't seen her in years. During that time, she moved from NY state to VT, opened a cheese/dairy farm called Blythdale Farm (if you see her cheese in a store, you should try it.. their Brie is particularly delicious!).. She has never been able to make it to any family get togethers because she has 90 cows to take care of..... Field trip to cheese barn, learned a ton about cheese. Becky explained that they buy cow sperm from a sperm salesman and artificially inseminate all their cows. The sperm book is amazing!.... It's like Build-Your-Own-Cow... Buy semen that will make your cows taller, prettier, more colorful, better milk production, shorter legs, better hooves, longer ears...

Matt woke up at 6am to help milk cows. He was ALL excited to help out. Put on his boots, put on his crappy pants. He cleaned cow udders, piled hay, helped move a pregnant cow into the barn. We all ate breakfast together (banana pancakes!), Around Noon, we headed to my other cousin's farm. She raises Icelandic sheep (for wool, meat, cheese), pigs, chickens, goats - Her oldest son, Keilin is eight years old and he can spin wool into thread. He also knows about every single thing that happens on the farm. He was telling me that when one sheep breeds with another sheep in the same family, they end up looking like bobbleheads. "See that sheep over there with the silly head? The Dad bred with his sister and made a funny looking baby. Ha. Sheep are not very smart, you know."

Firefly Regional Burn

2011-07-13T01:06:00.025-04:00

No matter the circumstances, I try to make it to Burning Man every year - Matt and I have been attending since 2007. That was the year, Matthew and I were living out of my car. 2008, I flew into Tucson, drove to the Burn with Tracy and her exboyfriend. Third year, Patrick and I were headed to Austin, detoured to the Burn instead. Last year, I skipped the festival because I felt guilty leaving Patrick with 40 boxes of unpacked stuff in our new apartment - Rites of Passage: End of August: This will be my fourth Burn.... Definitely going.... for sure....

Burningman is only a week long - But the community created through that festival, lasts forever... Thousands of people fueled by love, life, the desire to celebrate - Regional burns happen all over the US..... In the past, I've attended Burning FlipSide (Austin TX) and Toast (AZ). Lightning in A Bottle, Joshua Tree Music Festival. Last weekend, Matthew invited me to Firefly in Vermont, which is pretty difficult to get tickets to, they cap it at 600 individuals....

I was not in the mood to attend... but... I didn't know what else to do with myself.

Happy I went. Had a good time. Put my head back where I needed it to be.

Three of us drove, elephant trunk to tail, Masha and Michael in one car, Sarah and Aaron in their jeep, Matthew and I crammed in the convertible. Brought our dogs, Yukon (Sarah's Akita) and Mom-dog. Boarded them in Burlington Vermont. Arrived at midnight, set up camp at 5am, climbed into our sleeping bags as the birds were chirping and the sky was beginning to turn back on....

Blurry weekend of happiness - Days run into Days, Nights were Days, Days were Nights.... Made a ton of friends. Friday I spent most of my night helping to set up Store with Matthew (a camp that allows you to pick out clothing for free) - Ate pizza from Pizza Camp, there was a man dressed as a teddy bear, drank a bunch of wine with friends, danced on a hilltop, under some colorful lights, at some point I fell asleep in a hammock with Matthew....

Saturday we partied early, Starship Bring a Cup Camp was open, serving homebrewed beer. The Bug (the burning effigy) needed to be stuffed with wood, no one showed up to help - So our crew volunteered. Matt, Sarah, Aaron, Masha, four other people. Dragging sticks, firewood, trees, stuffing the effigy for the Burn. Great workout! I recruited a ton of people (including some larpers), by seducing them with beer. Abraham was my best recruit of the bunch, really hard working. He ended up hanging out with us most of the weekend.... Partied at Store till sunset, made portabello burgers on a fireplace. Attended the Burn, sat next to a guy making french fries, danced around the embers. Blur! Eventually I curled up with a bunch of hippies and watched Barbarella all night.

Favorite camp at Burning Man? Steambath Camp! They have been attending Burning Man for years, they are Boston Burners and they attend Firefly!.... Matthew, Sarah, Aaron, Abraham, and I... steamed for hours together Sunday morning. Naked. Wet. Breathing hot air. Sweaty. Humidity. Fantastic... Yoga, Art, Hiking - Matthew and I practiced our silly stripping skills in Hammock camp, we played Scrabble with cheeze-its, we ate vegan tofu burritos, dressed up at superheros. Matt wore a turban. We attended the Space party at Bring A Cup. The marching band, that I fell in love with at SXSW, was there - They covered Justin Timberlake and Got Their Sexy ON!.....

Probably sounds ridiculous. But rarely I am attracted to men these days (my job has ruined everything), rarely do I look at someone and think, "I want to kiss that person." It happened, though - Over the weekend, I had my eyes on this smiling eyed bartender at Bring A Cup... Sunday night, after the party, he came over, sat next to me by the fire. I don't know who kissed who, but we were kissing and it was lovely... Matt kept leaning over and going, "If you don't bring him back to the tent, I am going to..." .... But, that was not what I wanted, in my head, that was not what I wanted.... We chatted until 5am, holding hands, sharing a bottle of Sailor Jerry. He asked for my number and I said No (mostly, because I am too vulnerable right now, and it is wayy too soon for boys right now)... But ... In the morning, I decided that by not leaving my number, I was removing every chance of seeing him again - Which was unacceptable. So I left my number. And..... He called me, texted me and he emailed me all in one weekend... He seems *just* persistent enough (which balances out my non-persistentness...), that I might actually see him again... maybe.

Not Welcome At Home

2011-06-30T15:56:00.013-04:00

Talked on the phone a few times - Mom was sympathetic to my situation - My father (her first husband) was a lot like Patrick... Intelligent, responsible, hard working - but someone who put their friends before the relationship, someone who partied too hard, too often, who smoked too much, drank too much - More importantly, someone who refused to see the negativity in that kind of constant behavior....

She said I was more than welcome to come home. Told her that I was traveling with a dog, she said, "The dog is welcome too." - Packed up my entire life, put it in my car, five days on the road from TX to NY. Pulled into Tully, SO happy to finally be safe and home for a bit - Mom was home, we drank coffee - Twenty minutes later, my Stepfather came stomping up the front steps, red in the face. He looked at my Mother, wild eyed, and said, "What? You thought I wasn't serious about the dog?" Slammed the door, drove away in a red cloud of anger.... Mom just sat there, fish mouthed, staring at me. Finally she goes, "He doesn't want the dog staying here. He doesn't like it." ".... ? ... But you told me that I could stay here with her? I am confused, I'm not getting rid of my dog." And Mom goes, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him over it. I am sure it will be ok, he will get used to her and it will be ok."

But it is not OK. Before he met my mom, he owned dogs - He is using my dog as an excuse - And.... I cannot stay at their house if he is going to give me attitude for the next month. I know he does not like me, but I figured he could tolerate me for a single month while I get my life straightened out. I cannot stay there if he is going to hate on Mom-dog. She is a great animal.... No one could ask for an easier, timid, quiet, well behaved dog.

So I tell her "I won't stay in this house and make you fight for me. You should not *have* to fight for me. If I was one of his children, this would not be an issue - But we know it is not about the dog, it is about me..... Just wish that you told me about this earlier, I would have made other plans.... I wouldn't have come here, I wouldnt have driven 1,700 miles to be in this situation..." So I packed up all my stuff again and I said, "I think it will be better if I go somewhere else..."

She protested a bit, but said, "Yea, it is probably for the best... Do you have a place to stay? Lets do lunch next week...."

WHAT? Are you kidding me?... I know it sounds bitter... but.... Yea... That is what I need, Mom. Lunch. Yes. I drove 1700 miles for Lunch...

Not a big deal that I am homeless for the next month or so.... Not a big deal that you were not honest about fighting with my step father. Not a big deal that you just turned your only daughter away when she needed you most..... I've had 40 strangers, people in every area of the world, ofter me their homes, their vacation homes, bedrooms in their houses, with their families, with their friends, their kids.... 40 (this blogging/social networking community is unbelievable). Out of all those offers.... All I wanted was my Mother - I wanted her love and advice, her company, her positive outlook, her friendship... and I got offered lunch?.... Blah.

Got in my car and Cried A LOT - Lost my boyfriend and my family all in one week. Feel like I have nothing to look forward to .... Was lucky though, Matthew is also living in Syracuse right now... And he did not just offer his home, he forced it upon me. Called me over and over again until I broke down and said Yes. So I am currently living with Matthew for the next three weeks.... and then... I don't know. I don't know where I am going. I don't know where to start. I have never been in this position before. It is a very lonely place to be.

In the meantime - Matt says I have to stop dwelling on my problems. So we are driving to Vermont today, going to a festival in the woods.... I suppose it will take my mind off things for awhile. It will not fix my life or my situation much - but I could use a break for a bit....

Enjoy your Fourth of July! Enjoy your family and hug them a bunch!... : )

Hope

2011-06-19T16:39:00.003-04:00

"Dear London - First off, though you've never met me, big hug. Hope you get home safe, that you find a safe haven in your mama. When I lost the love of my life 2.5 years ago it broke me. Now I have a DWI and a felony charge over my head. At 30, the worst thing I had ever done was get a speeding ticket, then my world collapsed. I made such bad choices during the fallout. I feel like these times are harrowing and so much can slide out of control. I am glad to see you buckling down and doing what is right. FINDING YOURSELF AND TRUSTING YOUR INSTINCTS!

Your blog was one of the few things that kept me going during the collapse and subsequent divorce of the only woman I have ever loved.

I am now a kayak guide near Orcas Island - AND LOVING it! A dream I've always had. My ex is now in Mozambique. She joined the Peace Corps, a dream she has always had. We have both moved on. It took the severing of our love (which will always be there, just like Patrick and yourself) and our friendship and all communication for the slingshot to snap forward.

Just want to invite you out here, anytime before Oct. This is an offer I extend you as a friend in waiting. A person who shares common fears and dreams with what I read into you from your blog. I would love to meet you. I feel like I know you and what I can offer is an amazing experience inside the cockpit of a kayak in one of the most beautiful places on the planet! Bring Matthew and Mom dog and come camp with me this summer.

Wish you such happiness and saftey!"

Note from myself to you: Matthew and I will see you in September... ! We will be headed North after Burning Man this year - You live in one of the most magical places I have ever been in my life - I cannot wait to meet you in person.. This is gonna sound cheesey, but I am proud of you, bud. You give me more hope than I should be allowed to have.... I strive to be as brave as you have been.... thank you.

The BreakUp

2011-06-15T16:47:00.032-04:00

Pat and I broke up Monday night - Isn't that crazy news? - The two of us have been together for seven years.... We keep trying to change each other, to mold one another into something that we are not - Neither of us want to be changed... And yet, as we hug each other in bed, late at night, even now, I know we aboth still love eachother - I care about him more than anyone I have ever met and I know he feels the same way... But it is a comfortable love - And while comfortable love tends to be full of security and easy living, it is also dangerous - Over time, comfort builds into contempt and hatred... Pat and I want to end on good terms....

Met Patrick while he was attending Syracuse University, he fixed something inside of me that I could not fix myself - I was searching for all these pieces of myself that I could not find (I am still a bit like that).... Have you ever read that book The Missing Piece? That is my biography, the sum of my parts - Just rolling around, feeling empty, looking for anything that makes me feel whole - Back then, I was dating six guys (most of them were using me for sex), I was drinking myself into oblivion several nights a week... I was empty. But dating Pat fixed something in me... he put so much love into our relationship - he treated me with so much respect (that I could not give myself) - He forgave me when I made terrible mistakes (when I could not forgive myself) - He gave me confidence in the security of our relationship (with the freedom I needed to thrive), he gave me confidence about my body, in a way I never had before meeting him (it led to modeling)....

He has been the one solid thing in my life.... My family has been very absent from my life in the last 10 years. My friends are awesome but they are far away - I shouldn't have put so much pressure on him, but I did anyways - I made Patrick my Rock.. I gave him all my problems, he dealt with them - If I needed something, he was there for me - He was so big and strong, he could conquer anything I could not - And yet, I've never been anything of the sort in return...... Know my exciting adventures in Sequoia/Deep Creek? During that time, Pat was in NYC, with his family, for his Grandma's funeral (My credit card was maxed out with gas charges, asked him if he wanted me to fly out to NY, I would figure it out - He told me No, it would be fine.... obviously wasn't fine ... That trip home solidified our break up..)...

We've had problems for years - but since living together, they have heightened to the point where neither of us can deal anymore....

Pat does not like how much of a hermit I have become... "I just cannot date someone who does not like people... you do not like my friends, you do not like my family, you do not like to leave the house, you do not have a single friend you could call up in TX.... I cannot handle it anymore. I hate it..." *Sigh*... I dislike it too, I am a HUGE introvert - I have always been like this - I love his friends and I love his family - I just do not enjoy people very much... Maybe it is people anxiety? I probably need medication or therapy for it... Sometimes, I wonder if modeling made me fearful of other humans? I know it made me worse - But I feel like I have been like this forever... I skipped my highschool prom because I did not want to be around a gymnasium full of people (Pat, on the other hand, went to eight senior proms.... if that gives you any idea of how social he is)...

Patrick is very responsible when it comes to his job and his family - But outside of those two things, Pat's only interest/hobby is getting drunk/high with his friends - He thinks his "problem" is a joke, that he has it under control, but he doesn't, it owns him - It has gotten worse since moving to Austin - "Wanna drive out to hill country? Wanna walk the dog at Zilker? Want to go on a hike with me?"... If it does not involve drinking or smoking weed, he does not want to do it... He will hit the bong with a buddy, until his eyes won't focus straight - Or maybe he will go out drinking with his friends, until he has to make himself puke when he gets home - Or maybe he will get drunk and play volleyball with his friends - Tonight, he will head out to Happy Hour, come home, hit the bong, watch TV all night, and pass out. I worry about his health (I tell him that constantly, he hates it) - I worry about him getting a DUI (I took his car in last week, fixed his headlights, he stayed out drinking until midnight) - I worry about him when I am not home (I imagine him like my father, falling down a flight of stairs and ending up in ICU) - He thinks this kind of behavior is normal (it's not) - He surrounds himself with people who are just like him (I cannot think of one friend that he has, who does not drink or smoke heavily)... And what sucks, is that I also have an alcohol abuse problem (that is a fact) - And I while I would drink regardless of his presence, being around Patrick enables me to drink more often... I see him choose drugs and alcohol every day, it's not a big deal... But I know it is a big deal, I feel like it is a big deal, I don't want to be this person anymore...

As for me - I lose just about everything in this breakup: I lose Austin (I cannot live here, knowing Pat is somewhere in the city, I'd get lonely, call him, we'd make up and be miserable together for another five years) - I lose my bookshelves, my artwork, my plants - I lose my Perry-cat (Pat said he would take her), all my foster kittens, AustinPetsAlive - I lose SoupPeddler, the Alamo Drafthouse, Hippie Hollow, ACL, SXSW, Tubing in San Marcos, Chuys, Torchy's Tacos.... I lose my best friend of seven years (even if he gave up on me years ago).... I lose my stability and purpose and my sense of belonging somewhere....

What I get is: Anything I can fit in the trunk of my Mustang (probably clothes and camping gear) - I get Mom-dog (Patrick doesn't want her) - She makes traveling and working very difficult for me, but I cannot put her on craigslist, I cannot do it, she is an amazing dog and a good friend - Because of her, I will not be modeling as I travel back home, since she has never traveled before, I am unsure how she would react being tied outside a studio...

Mom-dog and I leave Thursday - Headed home to Syracuse NY - It is a temporary thing, I will probably stay at my mom's place until the end of August - Get my bearings, figure out what's next.. I want to look into becoming a dog groomer (wouldn't that be a great job for me....!) - Eventually, if I got really good at it, I could even start my own business!.... I don't know. Rough draft right now.... Lets see how things go.

Remington and Deep Creek

2011-06-13T03:13:00.010-04:00

Matt and I left left Sequoia Wednesday morning - Destination Kernville: Headed to Remington Hot Spring, jeweled and buttoned tubs (Quick note: If you need to know anything about me, I love being naked, in nature, floating around in hot water - It is happiness...)... So we drove south via an amazing scenic back road - Stopped off in a tiny town near Lake Isabella, drove to a nowhere-road near Hobo Campgrounds - Hike should have been simple (less than a mile) - But, it was Bru-tal: Steep-like cliff, loose rocks, pricker burrs, stinging nettles, low brush - Matthew fell at least a dozen times....

But..... Matt and I prevailed! We won! We made it.....Whoo!........ Yea! Only to find......... all of the tubs?..... Underwater!?! The river had flooded, every tub was under muddy stagnant water! - Upset isn't the word to describe how I felt - I had my heart set on that Hot Spring for over a year and half - Doubt I will ever have the chance to drive out there again.... even if I do, the forest service is supposed to shut it down later this year.... blah.... Matt and I grudingly packed up our stuff, trudged up the giant sheer rocky cliff covered in things that wanted hurt us....

So, I ask, "What should we do now?" And he goes, "Lets drive back to town. We will camp with all those cool hippies." In my head I shout NO! ... Done with it - Done... Haven't taken a shower in seven days, my hair is matted, my clothes stink, my socks have burrs in them, stinging nettles suck, I don't want to sleep on the cold ground anymore... I want a shower and a warm bed for one single night. "Want to drive back to LA? We could try for Deep Creek Hot Springs in the morning...? We could sleep at Denny's place, he gave me a key...." Matt grumbles about how much he loves hippies, he wants to hang out with the hippies, hippies are so awesome... but I don't care, because he doesn't drive and I do... I want a shower and a bed....

Four hours later, we drive into LA, sneak into Denny's house, fall into a glorious warm smushy bed.... And everything in the world is happy! ... Well, except for Matt... he was still upset about all the hippies he missed out on...

Refreshed, renewed (and showered!), Matt and I drove to Deep Creek Thursday morning! - One hour outside of LA, clothing optional.. The experience was unbelievable! Mustang had it's first off-roading adventure (...Enjoyed watching jaws drop, when I told everyone at the springs that I drove my mustang down the 8 mile stretch of Bowen Ranch Rd!) - Matt and I hiked 2 1/2 miles into the canyon, on a perfect sunny day, through some of the most amazing scenery in California, 2 1/2 miles out.... Met a lot of great people along the way. Realized we were on the Pacific Crest Trail, which runs from Canada to Mexico... We took a cold refreshing dip in the river, swam out to the tubs which sit on top of a massive rock - Tubs were scalding hot, wonderful to jump in and out of - Spent a lot of time sunning on rocks, swimming around with strangers..... Deep Creek turned out to be my absolute favorite part of my California Trip - Completely made up for my disappointment the day before (although I would still love to camp at Remington someday).... Hiking with your best friend on a gorgeous day in California is good for the soul.... I recommend it.

Sequoia National Park

2011-06-08T04:52:00.017-04:00

When I was in Sequoia three years ago - It was summertime. It was warm. The place was filled with tourists, I swam in the river all day - I had trouble finding a place to camp because every campsite was taken....

Visiting Lodgepole the day after Memorial Weekend (the weekend that they opened) was radically different - And colder. A handful of campsites were occupied (most of them RVs)... Matt and I scored a prime location next to the river. Unzipping our tent every morning, was like opening a present (which is appropriate, since Matt's birthday happened while we were in Sequoia - Happy 27th, buddy!).... Matt and I visited the largest tree in the world (the General Sherman tree), we drove through the Guardian Trees, we hiked the river to Tokopah Falls - Matt seemed to enjoy the Mountain Man thing and I enjoyed it too... But lack of proper clothing sucked.... Thin sweatshirts, a pair of jeans, a hat, flipflops with socks in fifteen degree weather? - I slept with my clothes on, mummified in my sleeping bag - I was scared to fall asleep, scared of hypothermia, scared of having my nose turn black with frostbite and fall off... We stayed for two nights, but when the rangers drove by and informed us that the temperature was going down another ten degrees... We broke camp and headed south....

Lightning in a Bottle 2011

2011-06-08T03:11:00.008-04:00

Burning Man will always be my favorite festival .... I say this, because I love how incredibly complex it is - I love how the festival surrounds you - You are alive, you are human, you are loved, you are lonely, you are one, you are breathing, you are dancing - You are in the desert, eating cupcakes, with a man dressed as a monkey....

With that said - I must tell you that I absolutely fell in love with the LIB Festival - The majority of people were Burners, many of the art installations at LIB were created for Black Rock, the whole place had an environmentally conscious-feel to it - LIB only sold Vegetarian options on the festival grounds....Also, everything was 100% biodegradable and they had onsite composting options...

Our adventure began Thursday - I drove to Wamuhu's around 4pm to grab Matthew (who does not drive) - My goal was to pick him up at 4pm, drive into the festival before 8pm, set up camp while the sun set, and spend the evening hanging out - The best laid plans never seem to work when you have Matthew involved, though....... nope. Ended up sitting around for three hours, while he ran around applying aloe to his naked body, packing his bags, finishing his laundry.... Instead of sunset... Matt and I ended up struggling at 1am, in the dark, on the hilltop, in the cold... It was crazy. Luckily, a really nice neighbor let us borrow his sunlamp for awhile - and we managed to get our camp set up....

Friday morning - Matt and I headed straight to a workshop called Wake Up Singing! 50 people, dancing and laughing and yoga-ing together... Nothing more liberating than singing loudly and dancing next to a bunch of crazy strangers who feel like family..... As for the night... all my nights just blur together.... Ummm, Friday night, we danced until 1am, headed back to the tent - Met this guy from Torrence who owns a jungle... He bought 10,000 crickets, dumped them on his land, so he can sleep to the sound of crickets at night - The guy was intense, high on something, offered Matt pot-brownies, kept lighting sage in our tent... I remember passing out - I remember Matthew dancing...

Saturday morning, the weather was perfect - It was the kind of day you spend hanging out with your neighbors - Which is exactly what we did...! Eventually we wandered down the hill, and rode Ferris wheel together - Hit up the amazing gallery show they had going - Beats Antique played - I went to dance around the ArtCar until 3am, Sharonda went to dance around Red Lightning Camp until 3am, Matt and Wamuhu went dancing at the Art Gallery... Matt stumbled in around 8am, looking exhausted but happy...

Sunday morning - I could not even *think* about dancing... My body hurt from days of movement, sleeping on the ground, lack of protein. Decided to check out some of the workshops instead... Conscious Breathing class was neat. Never realized how calming it is to simply breathe within a group of people. The website is neat, because you can see where people are logged in, to breathe, all over the world. Also attended a Chinese Healing Herb class that was jam packed with amazing information... Later that evening, I saw Lynx perform and yet again, I was dancing like a maniac. Ended up watching this band at the Lumi Cafe ... Not sure what their name was..... But they were ridiculous live. Meditated in the Temple of Consciousness that night.... fell in and out of sleep surrounded by beautifully peaceful hippies.....

The festival was amazing - It balanced Burning Man, with yoga, with dancing and music, and an atmosphere that just blew me away... I am already making plans to attend next year.... The sunsets on that lake are unbelievable...

2011-06-03T04:50:00.000-04:00

Phx has been fun!

2011-05-26T02:23:00.008-04:00

Hit up craigslist for camping equipment today.... Found a nice Kelty 10x10 tent, two sleeping bags for $60 total.... The guy had a TON of gear - He informed me that he organizes camping trips for recovering drug addicts/alcoholics "..And when those motha-fuckers relapse, (they always do).... I sell their shit!"... He looked like a bad alcholic himself, bad skin, saggy cheeks.... Regardless of the situation, I am grateful to have some quality camping stuff this week - We need it for the festival and our trip to Sequoia next week...

Talked to Matt for a bit..... He has been tanning on Venice beach all week.... burnt himself red like a lobster...Eccentric with the Aloe Vera - He has been drinking it, soaking in it, drenching himself with it... Hoping it works in the next 24 hours, because LIB is all outdoors in the sun....

Check Engine Light came on in the Mustang two days ago.... Haven't had any trouble so far - hoping it can hang in there for a week or so.... I don't have any time to get it looked at until Monday.

Roadtrip to Cali (with Matthew!)

2011-05-20T15:25:00.016-04:00

Matthew - "Bad news: My waiter job in Syracuse stressed me out so much.... I got demoted to Bus-Boy - I quit! I saved up $2000! Lets go on a trip! Where should we go?"

First thought was my aunt's cheese farm in Vermont (I REALLY want to go work up there this summer and make some badass Brie with my family.... working on a farm sounds really rewarding).... But Matt decided on Joshua Tree Music Festival, "Rubblebucket is playing. I want to be there." - But, "It is only six days away! There is no way I can make Joshua Tree work - Stay a week after the festival, I will meet you in LA..... there is this other festival I have been dying to check out... Type Lightning in a Bottle into your browser and call me back."

Lightning in a Bottle! Ahhhh! I've been trying to go for the past two years! Ever since I saw Lucient Dossier perform at Coachella, I have been hooked - This festival is everything I love about life... Great people, inspiring art, yoga, educational workshops, camping, amazing music, performances - It is run by a small Burner community... It feels like Burning Man. You bring your garbage in, you trek it out.

So Matt calls me and is like, "OH MY GOD! Lets get tickets!" - So we did. Four day festival tickets, in fact.... Gonna be a great weekend!

Matt is currently in LA, staying with some friends he made at Joshua Tree last year. Called me the day he flew into LA, 4am in the morning... He was lost. Stuck on a bus somewhere, he had no idea where he was - Haven't talked to him since. Hoping things have gotten better. Sunday afternoon, I leave for Las Cruces, Monday I drive into Phx to shoot for a few days, Thursday I pick Matthew up and we head into LIB. Following Monday, we leave for a four day camping trip in Sequoia National Park/Kings Canyon - Then Matt is planning on flying out of LA and then I have a Crap-ton of modeling work for LA. I will be working my ass off that week! I have two 8 hour shoot dates set and a bunch of 2-3 hour jobs scattered around town.

New Orleans Shoot

2011-05-09T03:42:00.002-04:00

LA 3D Movie Festival - I'm in it!

2011-05-07T02:09:00.005-04:00

If you live in LA - Be sure to check out my brief movie premiere at the LA 3D Movie Festival! When Tracy and I were in Philly a few months ago, I worked with a very small production company called Atomic Cheesecake Productions. They threw a script at me - A story about a man who has vivid hallucinations because his child died - Floating heads, dead people, talking dolls... My scene in the film: He looks out his bedroom window and sees me dancing slowly in the neon rain. It was fun! I got naked, doused in neon paint, and danced under some blacklights for an hour.... I literally had two assistants, standing above me on a ladder, dripping paint all over me.... Here are some teaser photos until the actual movie is released online:

Summer Bikini!

2011-05-02T16:27:00.002-04:00

Inspiration:

2011-04-18T18:16:00.005-04:00

"London! First of all I just wanted to let you know that you are a HUGE inspiration for me. Your pictures are great and I just love following your blog. A few weeks ago while messing around online, checking facebook and the few blogs I read I was suddenly hit with something. What am I doing? I am 24 years old and working in retail. Not going to school and just sort of living in my life. I needed a change. And the first thing that came to mind (might be silly but it's true!) was you. You are doing what makes you happy and it is very obvious! It's so inspiring, especially since everyone can see that you are pretty much a happy happy woman. The next day of work - I quit. I wasn't doing that anymore. I was going to do what made me happy which is.... soap. Hehe...

Just want THANK you so much for giving me the courage to quit my day job, set up my Etsy store and really do me. It feels amazing. Thank you."

Although she asked me not to, I wanted to share the link to her store: Etsy and her blog: Sea Marie Creations .... A great creative gift for Mother's Day! A wonderful surprise for your lady! Or maybe you just want to spoil yourself, smell good, and support a nice girl who likes to make amazing soap... : )

Ode to a New Era: 2003 Mustang!

2011-04-10T02:28:00.009-04:00

Last week, I could not even watch as the salvage company towed away my mustang - The guy handed me $400 in cash - I walked up the stairs to my apartment, closed the door, and cried... That car was my modivation behind all my adventure..... it inspired me to quit my 9-5 job and chase a dream.... without that car... I am not sure this blog/modeling would have happened....

With your help, I was able to buy another MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE to adventure-around in! Whooo! Couldn't bring myself to buy another black one (too soon)... but found this gorgeous white convertible in the San Antonio, looking all beach-like and soft-spoken. $8,495 on the lot, $6500 online cash price. As soon as I test drove it - I knew it was my car....

2003 Mustang convertible. Snowy white, light tan top, great paint job. White leather interior (amazing shape), black dash and carpet, tinted windows. 90,000 on it.... Obviously, I will have to deck it out with some Bettie Page stickers asap.... : )

Blog readers! YOU bought me this car - ALL OF YOU, BOUGHT ME THIS CAR - If you donated or if you could not, your thoughts and positive thinking..... brought this car to me..... In a single week, I went from being helpless financially and stressed out - To being uplifted by my readers.... Blog readers donated a total of $4600 ... one donor, who requested to remain anonymous, donated $2000 - He was planning on putting the money into his home, but decided he wanted to see me get a new pair of wheels instead (which still renders me speechless..)... Cannot thank all of you enough.... I could spend paragraphs trying to tell you how happy my heart is right now - But I know that I could not do it justice.....

Without a car and without adventure, this blog would be pointless... Your dedication fuels me to get naked and work even harder during this last year of modeling.... I love you all very much. Thank you for everything that you do....

End of an Era: Ode to the Mustang

2011-03-30T15:55:00.023-04:00

My first car was a cute 1996 Firebird. Drove it everywhere! Bucket seats, big windows - But by the time I turned 20, the Firebird was costing me far more in repairs, than it was actually worth - That is when Mom talked me into buying a used 2000 Oldsmobile SUV - "Unlike your last car, this one will be safe, reliable. SUV's are great for NY state winters" - Not entirely sure why I agreed to buy it... never liked it. Behind the wheel, I felt like a 50 year old mechanic, with bad breath, dirty fingernails and soggy shoes....

A year passed - By 2005, I was regularly traveling to NYC for modeling work - After a particularly profitable trip to NYC, I was driving my OldManCar and I passed a Used Car Lot - There, glittering in the sun, inviting as a warm black stone, was a beautiful black mustang convertible.... The car looked like happiness. It looked like freedom. It looked like an Adventure. I pulled over, asked the owner if I could take it for a test drive, he said, "Go ahead"... So I did. When I got back, I called my mom at work and told her, "I am trading my SUV for a Mustang Convertible."..... I cannot explain to you, how upset she was - I cannot explain to you, how badly I needed to own that car....

The mustang was the #1 reason that I decided to model around the US - Without that mustang, I would not have been inspired to drive 100,000 miles in three years - I yearned to put the top down, blasting my favorite album, traveling up Highway 1..... We went to 47 states together - Camped in over 40 National Parks - She survived a mudslide in Utah - Drove the mountains of Colorado - Slept in both high/low deserts - Provided entertainment for both me and my best friend. Managed Highway 1 (twice) - Survived a Mormon Parade - Had a homeless man with terminal cancer help change her tire - Saw most of southern Canada, including Banff and Jasper - She took a virgin trip to Burning Man (how she didn't die there, blows my mind) ....... Last year, she helped me move all the way from Cleveland Ohio to Austin TX.....

That car was my dream car - With the top down, I felt like I could go anywhere and everything would be OK - Losing her, is the end of an era for me..... Tomorrow she will be sent to a junk yard to be parted-out and..... well... it... feels like my childish dreams are also being parted-out with her... it sucks

But I need to face it - Her body has rusted out completely - Break lines have busted for the third time now. She has two temporary plugs in her oil well, both which have been leaking. Both of the seatbelts do not work. There are no airbags. The car keeps overheating. Airconditioning is gone. The trunk doesn't open. Windshield is cracked. The transmission is months from being blown.... The guy who fixed it last referred to my mustang as a "death trap".... And while the Mustang lasted two years after his prophecy, these last few months, his words began to ring true....

My Ode to the Mustang: I love you much.... thanks for holding out so long...

South By Southwest 2011

2011-03-23T22:57:00.009-04:00

SXSW - Partied like a rockstar! Started the week SO early, sipping free drinks at Moltov on a Thursday night.... Running across the street, to pet a Llama, only to find an open bar, with a Marching Band playing Justin Timberlake. Dancing to Black Joe Lewis at Mohawk with Patrick, feeling cheated that they didn't play a single song I knew..... Open bar and free tacos at Android party ... Made friends with a band from North Carolina, they taught me how to play a washboard. Also made friends with the people at a house party near Lustre Pearl.... dancing to booty shakin tunes on the front lawn and watching Patrick try to Hula Hoop, wearing a fake mustache, doing beer bongs like I was in college.... That night was wild. I lost my Owl Hat AND the back of my Android phone..... Saw so many awesome bands: Sea of Bees, O'death, The Dodos, Fang Island, Felice Brothers... Geographer played the rooftop at Maggie Mae's, I made friends with a journalist from Japan that night, we talked about what happened to his home town, we both cried... That same night, I was chased by security and was *nearly* arrested for stealing an arm full of ciggerrette swag off a table, handing it out in the streets (the cig companies at SXSW make me unruly when I am drunk) - MTV stage, on the parking garage, Patrick and Josh, watching Foster the People... line to get into MTV was four blocks long..... Pat won tickets to Kanye West through DO512 - While it seemed terribly wrong and anti-sxsw, partying at Austin's Power Plant... I couldn't help myself! Jayz showed up as the special guest.... Show ended at 5am... my SXSW concluded as my head hit the pillow at 6am Sunday morning...

Corwin in Austin....

2011-03-19T20:27:00.005-04:00

Corwin Prescott and his lady, VauntD, crashed on my futon last week. Love it when they come to visit Pat and I - They always feel like family to me. Here are the top three reasons I like them at my place: #1, They know how to play a mean game of Apples to Apples with Alcholic Whipped Cream. #2, They know where all the amazing food is located (although, I still think that Beef Intestine Soup sounds like a poor choice over Veggie Tacos). #3, They travel with the *cutest* Pug-dog in the entire world - His name is Franco (aka Bacon) ..... Franco and Mom-dog became good buds....
(what you cannot see in this picture... is the real mystery....)

Corwin, VauntD, and I... visited one of my favorite places in Austin, a gorgeous remote pool twenty miles from my place - Even with ten people tanning on the beach, we managed to snap off a few naked photos, without anyone noticing us....

Last night they were in Austin, we visited the Jackalope and went out with a whole slew of people from ModelMayhem - Including Louise Black from Project Runway, ElleV, and a bunch of local photographers... it was a really good time.....

If you like Corwin's photos - Remember he is on a roadtrip around the US! He is always mentoring photographers or taking photos of models in return for some Roadtrip cash.... Look him up. His rates are fantastic and you will really enjoy working with him...

"That Hampton Inn is Famous?"

2011-03-19T19:22:00.003-04:00

"Oh really? ... Why is it famous?"

"Didn't you hear about it? A bunch of girls flew from the UK last week - And they had Illegal butt surgery there? It was all over the news..."

"No," *dumbfounded* "... what do you mean 'Illegal butt surgery?'"

"Well... I hesitate to call him... A 'surgeon' ... But this guy was working out of a Hampton Inn Hotel room - And he performed illegal butt enhancements on a bunch of girls from the UK.... using.... you won't believe this.... Housing Caulk... No joke. The same kind of House Caulking you buy at Home Depot! This GUY, injected CAULK into their BUTT CHEEKS! And one of the girls had chest pains and died shortly afterwards.... That is why that Hampton Inn is famous...."

"Oh." *dumbfounded...*

Whomever bought this dress on Amazon:

2011-03-07T13:32:00.002-05:00

I love it. Not only is it comfy, but it looks awesome on me!
(and sidenote: Goddamn my butt is huge! Hahah)

Birthday Wishes!

2011-03-02T15:37:00.004-05:00

Crazy to think - I turn 27 weekend... I have been modeling for six years! - I feel young - Happy - Vibrant - Alive - Like I am 22 and still trying to find my life path... The photo above is not photoshopped - Do I look my age? - I am making plans to return to school in December (I really want to be a Vet Tech....) - but I still feel like I could model until I was 30...

Chip Willis: Matthew

2011-03-02T15:33:00.005-05:00

I have a Photographer BucketList. It is a very tiny list - Consists of about fifteen photographers. Some of them I have met in person, but have not been able to schedule with. A couple photographers have told me straight out, that I am not their type and they will not work with me (sigh... Jose Luis is one of those photographers... but I forgive him, because he says he loves my work, he just cannot use me... he is fantastic, though...)

One of my *tippy top* Bucketlist photographers - Is Chip Willis. In many ways, I think, he has surpassed just about everyone when it comes to Black and White work. His stuff is timeless and his eye is for art is phenomenal...

Matthew, who is still in Syracuse, went to 1920's party last week in Binghamton - Guess who was the Party Photographer? Yeaaaaa.... guess who is jealous? Yeaaaaaa......

Videos on ChocolateModels

2011-03-01T12:50:00.003-05:00

Shot with Chocolate Models this week... Three 20 minute clips - Wearing cute lingerie, stripping out lingerie, taking a shower, shaking my butt a lot - Had a blast, hope to work with them again - If you enjoy these videos, be sure to drop Chocolate Models a line - Tell them what you want to see! If they know you like my video, they will be willing to rehire me this summer! Enjoy!

God vs the Carnivore

2011-02-14T01:02:00.016-05:00

Sitting in Atlanta Airport, I ran into a very attractive guy, about my age, from Memphis. He opened up the conversation by commenting on how icecream tastes so much better in an overcrowded airport (to which, I agreed, Indeed!...). He, then, began talking about the Ministry. And while I believe in a "God"..... Organized religion makes me nervous... I am not against it. But Christianity killed millions of people - Far more than any war. It reigned terribly.... I cannot imagine a God supporting something like that.... I just cannot....

For those of you who go to church and you have a healthy relationship with God! - Please - Understand, I am happy for you.... Anything that effects your life positively.... is a great and wonderful thing....

Usually, at an airport, when someone asks, "What do you do?" - I amuse myself by avoiding the "Nude Modeling" conversation - I choose a deep nagging question to chat about (Airport people are my favorite fortune cookies!).... Or I choose a time in my life that made me feel alive and we talk about it, like it just happened... It puts me in a fantastic mood.... I love chatting about Guatemala, traveling through Utah in a mudslide, or starving in the Florida Keys with Matthew....

For some reason, in this particular instance, when the Religious guy from Memphis asked me, "What do you Do?" ... I answered honestly... "I am nude model... just got back from DC." And, while clearing his throat, he asked, "Oh, well how does that make you feel?" And I said, "It makes me feel good - When I work with honest, wonderful people - I love it a lot" And he said, "...But how does it feel knowing that you Help to objectify women in the porn industry?"..... Defensively.... I wanted to say something nasty, something terrible and shocking....

But, in the 20 seconds the conversation happened, I could not help but relate this conversation to the Vegetarian/ Carnivore dilemma I run into all the time...... I am a Vegetarian and when I tell a Carnivore that I am a Vegetarian, the first thing they do is they get defensive and they want to say something ridiculous and hurtful... like, "Cows are food, not friends." or "I love vegetables, as long as they come with a big juicy steak... blah blah blah".... It drives me nuts! You want to eat meat!? Whatever - someday I will probably eat meat too..... But being hurtful, for no reason, is just pathetic.....

Defensively, what I wanted to say to him was.... "I do not believe in your Religion." - I wanted to tell him, "Organized Religion sucks and it killed thousands more people than it Saved" - I *really* wanted to make terribly bad Zombie Jesus jokes, but I could not... Nor, could I be rude or walk away..... So, I sat there. Listening to him. Enthralled. Watching his eyes light up - Passionate about everything he said..... He even downloaded sermons onto my Macbook... It was a beautiful thing.....

All, I am trying to say is.... If you run into someone, who really believes in something, and it positively affects their life.... (whatever the 'something' happens to be) - Do not push your judgements onto them - Do not hurt them... Listen to them talk.... Can you feel their soul burn to tell you something.... I wish I was a passionate Vegan. Or I loved my religion so much, I wanted to tell everyone about it. I wish had that much passion for something.... Passion is a powerful thing....

Anyways - to follow this post up!? Here are some almost naked photos of me.... : ) *hugs*

Photos: RhoPhotos Workshop

2011-02-06T11:35:00.004-05:00

My Strap-On Box

2011-01-18T14:06:00.004-05:00

While shopping for lingerie today - I found MY strap-on Box! Hehehe.... always makes me giggle...

I arrived at that shoot - to find eight dudes, sitting on the couch, drinking whiskey, watching hardcore porn. Sex-toys everywhere! Sex toys tossed carelessly on sofas, the tables, the floor. I came to the obvious conclusion - Someone set me up for a bukkake scene?!..... I freaked out! Grabbed my stuff and high-tailed it to my car. Half way there, I ran into the photographer in the parking lot. He seemed genuinely happy to see me. He seemed honest and likeable. I did not feel like he would try to put me in a bukkake scene....

Me: "Ummm... What is going on with porno escapade inside?"

Him: "Oh you mean all the guys on the couch?.... They are actually reviewing product today. I think there are about eight of them, right? Production managers, toy creators, box cover managers, ect...."

Me: "You mean, those guys in there - get paid to watch porn?"

Him: "Yup, they get paid for that."

The strap-on was so cheaply made, they used duct tape on my butt, to keep it attached..... My makeup artist kept coming over and adding more tape.... Man, duct tape is great for anything!

Pipedream crew is a lot of fun to hang out with..... When the pizza lady showed up for lunch, I got dared to answer the door with my big black, dong, strap-on.... man-oh-man, that poor little Mexican delivery girl almost died right there on the doorstep... (I will mention that they gave her a very nice tip...)

Sara Liz told Carlotta that I had a giant poster at the AVN's last year - Not sure whether that is flattering or.... well, yea... It's flattering.... I love the AVN's.... Anyways - if you see my big black dong in a sex-shop - feel free to tell people you know me... haha.... that should spark some good conversation...

Fan Art! Very cool!

2011-01-16T17:02:00.002-05:00

Perry: The Gangster

2011-01-09T19:51:00.009-05:00

So Patrick and I adopted the three year old Catahoula dog!

Had a terrible mishap on the day we brought her home - Perry, our resident kitty, was hanging out around the house, not really interacting with the dog (we have had dogs over before without incident)... And then, without any kind warning, Perry attacked the dog all teeth and nails (Perry grew up in a Motel parking lot, where dogs chased her all the time - I guess I should have known Perry could turn Gangster).... Anyways, Perry gouged Meeyah's eye badly - I felt horrible about it. Within four hours of bringing Meeyah home, we were headed to the Emergency ER....The only positive thing I can take away from visiting the ER that night, is that Pat and I really had the chance to see Meeyah's amazing temperament..... She was in SO much pain (cat scratches are really dirty things) and she never growled or got upset with any of the vet tech poking her eyeball. She just quietly sat there, hoping it would be over and done with....

Meeyah is still recovering... and luckily, her eye looks great. So thankful that everything worked out OK.... I cannot tell you how worried and upset I was about this. Perry still hates the dog. And our dog is now terribly terrified of all cats.... she runs away like they are semi trailers...

Positive things about the new addition to the family: Meeyah cuddles A LOT! She will snuggle up right next to you in bed, and cuddle her head right under your chin and anytime you stop hugging her, she will snuggle closer. It is adorable. She loves new people. She has not barked once since we have gotten her (I keep wondering if she even knows how to bark) She has already learned Sit/Stay/Down. She is really easy to walk on a leash.....

Negatives: She smells terrible! And I cannot wash her until her stitches come out.... She isn't housebroken (it was impossible to crate train her with that Elizabethan Collar, so we have just been watching her and taking her outside on a schedule.... works about 70 percent of the time) - She is a hungry hungry dog and wants to eat ALL food.... she doesn't discriminate between my salad bowl, my favorite book, or a dog bone - She won't play fetch with me.... but it's cool. I like playing fetch with myself, Meeyah. No worries.

Neon glasses and a bowler hat

2011-01-09T19:41:00.002-05:00

It was fun being back in Syracuse for awhile - The trip was short. Only five days. In that time - Matt moved back to Syracuse. You should have seen him in the airport, carrying around four months of belongings - He had BurningMan clothes, dressy clothes for LA, workout stuff, regular clothing - It wouldn't all fit in his bag...... So he just wore it. He looked like he was headed to a badly dressed party in Antarctica, where they wear neon sunglasses with bowler hats..... We were flying on Christmas Day (first for me) - We gave up our seats on the plane to a very desperate couple trying to get home for the holidays. In return, the airline gave Matt and I $400 in vouchers and we still got home before midnight! It was a happy holiday for everyone! Now Matt can fly to Austin for SXSW in March and it won't cost him a dime!

Corwin: November in the GreenBelt

2010-12-28T20:22:00.002-05:00

Another kind of Family...

2010-12-15T16:00:00.004-05:00

Matt, Patrick and I attended a Twitter-up this week - Which is a celebratory party for people who spend far too much time on the Internet - I am one of these people! We Tweet, we Tumble, we Flick, we Social Network! About fifty percent of those Twitter-up folk work from home, running their businesses, living in front of a monitor, making friends online....

A lot of people who attended the Twitter-up, also read this blog (which is fantastic... thanks for taking the time to stop by and check it out) - Surprisingly, I was even nominated for an Austin Blogger Award! Nominated! Me?.. How cool is it that I have lived in this city for only one year, and people actually voted for me here in TX!

Got into this conversation with one of my twitter buds (you can follow him at @ColeH on Twitter) - The conversation was really eye opening, touching, and it made me think about something that I have never really put my mind to before. He was talking about how upsetting it is that I cannot share my life and my success with my family - And he then said something like, "Isn't it cool to have such a huge family online, that is so open and accepts all that you do?" - And you know what? He is completely correct. Even though I cannot share my life with my immediate family - You guys *are* my family.... I look up to you. You are my soundboard. You are my inspiration. You listen to what I have to say and you give me grand advice on all things. You have helped me in times of need. You have supported my modeling career, my writing, my decisions (even the bad ones), my adventures, need to travel - You send me letters about your family, your lives. I know many of you personally. You have been there for all things - I just wanted to say Thank You. Thank you for all that you have done this year. It is great having a family that I can be open with, a family that I do not need to hide from.... I am Evan's little sister, I am VikingMan's lady chasing her dreams, I am Doug's kitty loving friend, I am Michael Ball's London shrine, I am Nicole and Erica's new bud... I love you all much. Just wanted you to know that.

Photos: Gregory Prescott: 2009: His Blog

Thanksgiving in Boston

2010-11-23T20:21:00.017-05:00

It has been FOUR years since I have visited my family for Thanksgiving: Last year, due to bad planning, my roommates and I ended up cooking hotdogs in our backyard, over a campfire, telling stories, drinking apple cider, huddled under thick blankets. Year before that, I had Thanksgiving in Cleveland with my roommate Geoff's family... ! Year before that, I attended Patrick's Thanksgiving. Small, cozy, formal, good food.. Someone dropped a glass bowl of stuffing - They served it anyways, some obscure cousin, found a chunk of glass in his food.....
My mom's side of the family is HUGE! - Double Venti 'Brady Bunch'. Her brother's and sisters are 'well-to-do' - CEOs, Dell Corporation, Doctors, Engineers, Entrepreneurs. They worked hard to get where they are today. They went to school for many years. They make a lot of money. They own big houses. They have broods of perfectly, well-behaved, intelligent children - Basically (white fence not withstanding) they live the American Dream (without all the debt)...

I love them all dearly - I grew up skipping rocks in Maine, family vacations on the Cape. Deep sea fishing, swimming at Martha's Vineyard, catching sea frogs with my little brother next to the most picturesque lighthouse you have ever seen.... Lobster dinners, watching the sunset with my grandfather, sail boating with my uncles....

But as I get older, visiting gets difficult- Most of them have no idea that I model nude (nor can they know) - All the things you read on this blog, the majority of my life, I cannot talk about: Who I meet, where I travel, my roadtrips, my photographers, my photos, model friends, all these amazing stories... I find myself terrified to interact with my own family - Afraid I might let something slip, afraid that I will accidentally say something wildly inappropriate (which I do.... enough and often)....

Guess, what I am saying is..... I wish that I was more like them sometimes... I wish I could relate to my family more often. I wish I had a job that I could discuss over dinner... I wish they could look at me and be proud of what they see (because, they don't)

I wish you the very best of Stuff-your-face-day, friends! May you spend your Thursday evening in a food-coma, happy, surrounded by the warmth and love of your family (and if you do not have family, perhaps the warmth of your turkey oven) - Enjoy the bird, enjoy the tofurky, enjoy the mashed potatoes and the green beans. Enjoy football and the small children pretending they are Ninja Turtles - Enjoy the pies, the weird uncles and the grandparents who tell the same stories over and over again.... those small things .... really do matter.

Showertimes

2010-11-23T11:18:00.001-05:00

When the weather gets chilly..... I do not turn up the heat in my apartment, no - Instead, I emerse myself in a blistering hot shower! My bathroom becomes an incredible searing hot vortex, in which normal people would either scald to death or melt into a giant puddle of broiled mush bubbling in the drainpipes.... In my sweltering sweat room, I create an ongoing fantasy: I am in a wooden steam bath deep in the Amazon, sharing my company with intellectual guru-types. It is exotic, there are birds in the rainforest, and mist in the trees. Back home in Austin.... my Amazon gurus hang out on my porcelian crapper, making bowel movements, while picking kitten hair off their toes.... I suppose..... every steam bath, in every house, is different.

Best ideas for blogs come to me while showering. Then, of course, by the time I sit down in front of my computer, I have forgotten all the things that were worthwhile - except for this morning! This morning, while I was showering, I recalled a conversation from years ago.... It was this crazy sex story about my friend in LA, and how her and her man had been getting down and dirty in the shower - Somehow, amidst the friction, she slipped and nose-skidded into her bathtub faucet - breaking her both nose, a few teeth, and busting open her lip. Not the best shower story, I know. Perhaps it was the horror of the story, but today I remembered once I sat in front of my computer, and actually decided to Google how many sex related accidents happen in the bathroom (I often spend a lot of time Googling things like this) - And holy hell, I know this has nothing to do with sex in the bathtub, but did you know that you can get electrocuted while taking a shower in a thunderstorm? It is serious! Who knew? Somewhere between 10-30 people get electrocuted every year in their bathtub: Through their metal pipes, through impurities in the water, through bathtub attachments.... They say that the majority of people who survive these freak-accidents are the people who were wearing rubber shoes.....

Who wears rubber shoes in the shower? I don't know - I might just put it on my Christmas List.... You can never be too safe, you know.

Disintegration Collaboration

2010-11-17T20:11:00.001-05:00

"Hi, London! It's been a long time since I've written. I congratulate you on your kitty-loving ways and your decision to go veggie. I've been a vegetarian for a couple of years now and, slowly, I'm aiming at a vegan path. I know you're super busy so I wanted to let you know that some of my latest artwork is part of the Disintegration Collaboration Project, which allows time and nature to help you create recycled art. One of my latest DisCo bundles features a xerox low res picture of you. After several weeks of rain, wind, heat, etc., here are the results.

Take care, London. I wish you the best - Duff"

Photos from Chicago!

2010-11-15T17:35:00.001-05:00

Joplin, Kansas City, Omaha, Milwaukee

2010-10-24T15:16:00.019-04:00

As my new buddy, Doug in Joplin MO, would say, "It isn't a London Andrew's trip unless it is last minute and unorganized...." - Alas, that statement is very true.... The Midwest did not pan out for me as well as I hoped.... I found very little work between Dallas and Milwaukee - Not sure if this is because I booked it last minute (within two weeks notice), if the economy is bad, if it is the Midwest, or if it is just me.... I don't know.... either way, the drive has been incredibly beautiful .... and... As usual, I am incredibly broke...

Joplin was fun! Had the chance to hang with some new friends and we watched 4am Pumpkin Carving on TV. Kansas City was cold but the coffee shops were warm! Our couchsurfer was an energy healer..... In Omaha, I had the chance to shoot in one of the most gorgeous historical Bed and Breakfast places I have ever visited... Andrew Baran was his talented amazing self, we shot some fantastic new stuff together.... He also shot a bunch of photos of Matthew (I included most of the photos in this blog).... Cannot wait to see what else we created! Matt and I went to check out LCD Soundsystem and HotChip on Friday night - The show was phenonminal...

Gearing up for Roadtrip...

2010-10-15T21:36:00.012-04:00

Lots has been happening - Matt, my best friend, flew to Austin after Burning Man and has been living with Patrick and I for a little over a month... He is sleeping on our couch, living out of his suitcase (reminds me of our roadtrip years ago)

Austin City Limits was this past weekend - Spent the entire weekend, dancing, laughing, saturated in fantastic music.... The Local Natives were amazing live and Mayer Hawthorne put on a great set as well. ACL festival was very healing for the soul.... but it was not very healing for the body - Our entire house has been recooperating from cold/flu/strep throat for the past week..... On the upside, I won the PopChips challenge on Facebook this week! Thanks to all who voted, I know it is a pain-in-the-butt voting for people - But you helped me win a Platinum badge to SXSW Festival ($995 value) - I will be able to attend conferences for: publishing events, blogging events, social media events - Most importantly, I will be allowed to cut any line at SXSW..... And that, my friends, is well worth all that clicking you had to do on Facebook... : )

As I type this, Matthew and I are gearing up for a whirlwind modeling tour to Chicago - My mustang is still broken down in our parking lot, so I am going to be driving Pat's Outback - The trip should take 10 days to get to Chicago and 10 days to get back to Austin - I feel so rusty.... I haven't booked a real modeling trip in almost four months now.... If I had started booking four weeks ago, I would have made $4000, now I will be lucky if I make $2000, everyone has already booked their models for the month....

This week, I was inspired to paint a mural on my wall... Pulled up one of my favorite artists, Amy Sol (painting to the left is the original print) and decided to get kinda funky and colorful with the Windy Panda Bear painting.... Lots of bright oranges, deep reds, and browns.... Years ago, I used to paint murals as a part-time job - And I have to say, that after five years of not picking up a paint brush, I was amazed that I can still create something this beautiful... I love how it inspires me and clears my head - I have not felt this great about creating something in years....

ModelMayhemWTF

2010-09-23T16:24:00.008-04:00

Any of you follow ModelMayhemWTF on Twitter - They are pretty fantastic... A few weeks ago, while searching for paid work in Baton Rouge, I posted a photo to MMWTF: A naked model holding a dead catfish - Everything about the photo was "Ummm? What? Fuck?" - Well, coincidently, I had also emailed the guy, asking if he had any paid work for a traveling model - He said, "Yes! I have tons of ideas! I will hire you for four hours...! Come on over!"

And he did have tons of ideas - He had bought a bunch of pumpkins and he wanted me to stab them with knives - "Oooh this would be great if we had some fake blood" - He grabs red food coloring and starts dropping blood droplets all over the pumpkin and my boobs... About 10 minutes in, I notice that the food coloring is not coming off my hands... I ask him, "Did you check if this stuff washes off first?" And he goes, "Oh no, I forgot - I was just so-into-the-moment and you needed fake blood...." - I run to the shower.... It does not come off - Stuck with a weird pink blotches everywhere.. "Do you want to keep shooting?" "Of course! You look fine! Pink looks fine" Next he decides to shoot "Attack of the killer blob!" He pulls out a five pound bag of white powdery substance... "What is that stuff?" And he goes, "Oh, I work at the chemical plant!... I took it from work." And I go, "Yea, but what IS it?" And he goes, "I am not sure - We use it in a lot of things, like paint and household substances..." "But is it safe?" He goes, "I think it is..." At this point - I figure - I must have no-showed on this guy years ago... and now he is going to punish me with blotchy skin and cancerous materials.... But I shoot it.... and I shoot it fast... Showering afterwards, through the glass doors, I noticed the photographer now wearing nothing but a pair of tiny orange shorts...! Alarms sound off in my head! What is going on? He announces, "We are going to swimming! I have a few bottles of liquid nitrogen I took from work..." And I say, "Isn't that the stuff that dermatologists use on wart removal?!" And he goes, "Yup! Same stuff!" Wow... what did I do this guy?.... Pink tinged, covered in cancerous slime, and now he is going to burn my skin off? Wow....

But actually, the liquid nitrogen was pretty neat - I have done a lot of photoshooting over the years and no one has shot anything like that with me before.... The liquid nitrogen freezes a very thin layer water... The water vapor then condenses making the most beautiful foggy smoke stuff...! Everything was great until he said that he wanted to Reanact a movie "FaceOff"... and he threw all the liquid nitrogen on my face.... and my face melted into the pool....

Everything was great until that happened.... (just joking... )

Seriously, though.... although it was a lot of fun, I learned a valuable lesson... Which is, almost all the models out there (including myself) put far too much trust into phototgraphers.... We expect the photographers to consider our safety and avoid dangerous situations - We expect them to plan their shoots, to scout, to experiment, to practice before we show up to shoot, to know what they are doing... And sometimes they... just... do... not.... This is just a quick note to all you guys: Please try to consider your model's safety.... : ) It is important and my mom would appreciate it a bunch! Thanks!

Beginning to End: Modeling

2010-09-09T14:28:00.028-04:00

My parents fell in love during college - They partied a lot, accidentally made me in the process - Married within a few months, moved into the first available place they could afford: A trailer park. Mom was Nurse - Dad was an engineer - My family was always short on cash - But I was a happy kid, I grew up in a small community, tight knit, next to a horse farm, had tons of friends.....

When I was seven, I realized my father was a heavy alcoholic... Not abusive to us.. He was abusive to himself - He had Peter Pan syndrome, refused to admit he was no longer a child... He would balance his parental responsibilities with crazy out-of-control parties on the weekends - A functional alcholic - He went to work every day, paid the bills, attended parent-teacher conferences, coached my brother's soccer team (one of the best in the area) - but weekends, he would call up his buds, roll a few joints, sit at the bar until 2am....

I have so many "drunk dad" stories, I could, sadly, keep you entertained for hours.... When I was eight years old - My dad was drinking with his friends, in the middle of snowstorm, somewhere in the woods... I was all dressed up in a fluffy pink snowsuit... The cops showed up (not sure why). And Dad thought it would be funny to outrun the cops, drunk out of his mind, on his snowmobile.... yep... with me on the back - "Hold on TIGHT! Police can't catch us.... just hold on!" We hit 85.... drunkenly... in a snowstorm.... through the woods.... he was right, the cops did not catch us (that time)...

By the time I was 16, he had nine DWIs - He crashed cars, crashed motorcylces, ran from the police over and over again - One December, my father drove our *only working* car onto an icey lake... it sunk... My mom knew some of the police by name, some of them felt bad for us - We had helicopters circling the house with those bright spotlights more nights than I care to remember... Dad spent a lot of time in and out of jail, usually for a week or two at a time - He had a great lawyer who used to hang out at our house a lot during the holidays...

When I turned 17 and my brother was 15... We took Dad out to dinner. Sat him down and told him that while we loved him tons, he needed to find balance in his life... It was our first conversation with him as almost-adults... He got very quiet. Very quiet. The next morning, he joined AA - It was the first time that I had ever watched my father try to better himself in a serious way - He posted quotes around the house, he read a lot of inspirational books, he stopped drinking for almost a full year....

But, alcoholics work in cycles (never forget that) - When I turned 18, he got drunk in Pennsylvania, went to find a bathroom, fell down a flight of cement stairs instead - He cracked his head open on some concrete, ended up in ICU....Died a few days later from brain damage.... Mom had to pull the plug...

My little brother vowed never to drink after that night (and he has not, he has been very successful in his life) - Drastically, I did the complete opposite.... I started partying heavily, out of control and often - I would party so hard, I would black out for days... It was a very dark time in my life.

19 years old, I was accepted to SUNY Fredonioa - I was wild back then... I had something to prove. I wanted to experience everything the world could offer... back then.... it was mostly sex. My best friend, Julie, was trying to have sex with every letter in the alphabet - We partied together constantly - We slept at frat houses, we knew everyone... On and off, I dated an abusive heroine addict named Matt - He would pee blood from time to time. That year was the year, that I emerged from a drunken blackout, topless, on the side of a freeway (who knows how I got there or where I was) - That was the year I woke up, drunk at 3am, blue from falling asleep in a snow drift - Someone picked me up and carried me to my dorm room that night... still have no idea who that person was... they probably saved my life...

I didn't like myself much when I was 19...

Grade-wise, I did better than most of my friends (Julie ended up with a .6).... I was near a 3.0.... but towards the end of the semester, I called my mom and told her I was finished - "I want to come back home and figure things out..." She was upset, tried to talk me out of it... But I was done - College can be a wonderful thing, it can also be a terrible thing when you are not ready for it.... Obviously, 2003 was not my year....

Not sure when I decided to volunteer overseas, but I remember preparing for it... I was learning Swahili on tape - I needed A LOT of money for plane tickets and supplies - To make that kind of money - I worked all kinds of jobs - Telemarketing, pizza girl,yard work for old people, a Secretary, a promo girl (SpongeBob!) - I worked for a temp agency, painted murals for kid's bedrooms, beaded jewelry for craft shows....

$8,000 later - I Flew to Tanzania. Joined Cross Cultural Solutions near Kilimanjaro... In Moshi, I worked in a kindergarten, helping teach English and math - School was held on the second floor of a church. 58 kids in the class, one teacher, and myself - Every night a herd of children would follow me home - We would sing songs as the sun set... They had machete's (these itty bitty kindergarten kids) - I would hold them as they cut Mangos from the trees - On the weekends, some of the volunteers and I would go out and explore - We visited the Ngorogoro (the crater of life), the Serengeti, a group of us climbed halfway up Kili without a guide.... I planned on staying for eight months but it didn't work out that way -Ended up with Malaria, curled up on a filthy bathroom floor, puking and puking and puking - Hospitals in Tanzania would freak anyone out... flies, kittens, cockroaches everywhere.... That year, I was 20 years old and I was flying back home....

When I returned from Africa, Mom had a boyfriend - I enrolled in a community college .... hung out with some friends... got decent grades.... semester ended... I decided to travel again...

Using my Cross Cultural credits for Africa, I left for Guatemala City .... Guatemala was amazing! I worked in a catholic school / orphanage with a whole bunch of Stern-Spanish speaking nuns - I spent most of my time working with the orphanage children, who, although, attended the same school as the public children.... did not get as much attention. Most of them acted out in class, misbehaved, starved for attention... The volunteers in Guatemala came from all over the wolrd: Columbia, Spain, Australia, South Africa.... Some of us would pair up for weekend trips... During that time I visited Antigua, Lake Atilan, the Mayan Ruins (Tikal) - We hiked to waterfalls, visited small communities....It was hard to return home.... One of my students and I sent packages back and forth for years... She must be 16 now...

When I returned from Guatemala... I, again enrolled in college... I met Patrick that year.... I was dating several people at the time, but it was the first time in my life, I found myself sitting next to the phone, waiting for a phone call - Long distance swimmer for Syracuse University - Tall - Sexy - Arms that could wrap around me twice... Always busy with friends and swimming, high on life, always in a great mood - Also the year I attained my first paid modeling job - Patrick packed up and left me for the summer.... That was summer that I fell in love with Jay...

Jay was a lot like my Dad, which is probably why I loved him so much. He was a few years older than me. He worked hard for his money, broke his back on construction - Loved me utterly - Partied harder than he should have on weekends, always much harder than I would have liked him too. Between his drug addiction and his smothering jealousy, Jay and I did not work out...

When Pat returned to college, a few months later, we started dating again... By then, my modeling career was starting to take off - I was getting paid work in NYC every month - Hoping on trains, traveling alone, sleeping at Matthew's apartment, working with all kinds of fun and exciting photographers... making really good money..... That was the year that I graduated with my Associates in General Studies (someday I hope to apply it towards a real degree) - That was the year that my very conservative mom found out about my naked-modeling-job and gave me an ultimatum.... "Quit your job or move out of my house..."

Not being one to be told what to do.... And not sure where to live - I sold all my materialistic things on Ebay and I moved my life into my car... Why not? Internet modeling can be found in every state in the US, right? Doesn't it just make sense to live on the road and see the States?

I remember driving away from my house, terrified - Very much alone..... But, also I felt alive... I felt Real.... I felt ready to live my life.

SO -that is how this blog started.... many many years ago, I decided to do a roadtrip around the country, all by myself, living off of nude modeling - I drove around the country for three full years.... sleeping on couches and camping in National Parks - Sometimes I traveled with friends, sometimes with strangers, most of the time..... I was by myself..... Yup..... This is my blog.

Uplifting letter...

2010-09-01T22:25:00.007-04:00

Dear London, I wanted to tell you that I follow you on Facebook and I think you are awesome. Never in my life have I discovered a model like you, until a friend of mine showed me one of your photos back in February. You made me realize that realistic and curvy could also be sexy. I have learned a lot about that sexiness from you. Thanks so much for that! I have been losing weight starting a year ago yesterday and have lost 67 lbs from 301. My goal is to be about 175, 180. You are a beautiful inspiration and I appreciate you a lot. Your pix are kickass.

Just a few days ago, I had a friend over and I had on lingerie, thigh highs, heels, etc. If someone had told me a year ago that i would be doing that and feeling like I do wearing those things I would have laughed them right out of the room. I have a ways to go yet, but just being you makes me believe I can be sexy in every sense of the word too. Thanks again London. PS I love all your kitty stories. I have 3 beautiful cats at home too- Oscar, Feisty and Smoky. Take care and congrats and best of luck with your new apartment.

Howl at the Moon!

2010-08-25T14:57:00.001-04:00

While I am not going to BurningMan.... there are still some wonderfully exciting things to do in Austin! Last night, I attended the full moon dance party at Barton Springs - Howl At the Moon was *SO* much fun! About twice as many people than this video and they had a live Xylophone Band.. And everyone was howling like werewolves... #goodtimes

Finding an apartment...

2010-08-20T14:05:00.007-04:00

Months ago, the roommates and I talked about moving together - But last week, John and Bryn came home to tell us that they found a place and were moving without us.... It was that roommate break-up conversation, "It is not you, it is us. We need more space. We want to be on our own..." Blah blah blah...

Congrats to them on the new place - but it truly left Pat and I in a bind. Only two weeks notice - no extensions on the lease.... Pat and I first considered getting a one bedroom home. We looked at a few places, but they were either too expensive or the move-in date was not until mid-September. We considered looking for roommates again.... but with the deadline being so close and all ... we decided against it..... Sooooo we started looking into apartment complexes...

....... Dreaded dreary mass-produced apartment complexes *puke*.....

I always said.... never... in my life... would I live in an apartment complex... ever...

But not even kidding, there are some really nice ones in South Austin, right next to the Zilker Park/GreenBelt trailhead. The apartment complex we moved into is called The Woods - Obvious reason for the name? Apartments were built around the trees, we live inside a forest... The Woods was built in 1940's and was recently renovated... There is a pool, fitness center, computer center, and tennis court. Pat and I found this great 1 bedroom, 680 sq ft, with loft ceilings and a balcony. It has brand new carpet, washer and dryer, a dishwasher, a pantry, a walkin closet (for all my sexy clothes.... rawr!), even an ice-cube maker! We are high rolling, now... oh yeaaaa - I am having SO much fun putting the place together.... It is nice being able to buy things, knowing that I can put them where ever I want. Bought the coolest ikea bookshelves off craigslist for $40 - Something about owning two, seven foot bookshelves, makes me feel like I finally own something worthwhile.

I *do* feel guilty about Perry, though - I don't want to let her outside until she gets used to the new place.... She is usually so active, and now she is just bored. She watches me paint. Her head moves up with the brush and moves back down. She follows me around the house, like a game of follow-the-leader. She sleeps on the fridge. She sleeps in the pantry. She sleeps in the laundry.... Poor Perry....

Lease is up....

2010-08-16T13:21:00.011-04:00

When Pat and I first moved to Austin, we had a horrific time trying to find a place to live...

Not a big mystery as to why.... We were not exactly the most perspective housemates. After we relocated, Pat was jobless.... I have this modeling career that is very difficult to explain to civilians... Plus, it is nearly paperless (no proof of income). We were looking for a petfriendly house that would be cool with Motel-Cat-Perry (who, after being on the road for two months, still did not have her shots) - Jobless and traveling with a dirty motel cat ...it got worse, because Pat and I were also moving in as a couple!... Not many housemates will take in couples, too much drama comes with bad relationships...

With the odds set against us, we sent out eighty emails ... heard back from four people: The lady with the smelly house, 'gated apartment complex' guy, lady with the fiesty Rottweiler that would have Nom-Nomed on Perry's little cat head, and then John and Bryn....

Thinking back on it, if John and Bryn had not answered our email.... I have no idea where Pat and I would have ended up. We would have been stuck in San Antonio, living in the dark guest bedroom, at Tim Summa's for months - Instead, we moved into a really nice 1950's house, on a quiet road, off of 2222 and Lamar, $225 a person - A big backyard, driveway, nice front porch with sunflowers in our front lawn.... Perry spends her time catching cockroaches and lizards. My bedroom gets more light than the entire house - I find that it is impossible to wake up on the wrong side of the bed... Mornings here are full of sunlight and just make me incredibly happy, especially if Patrick is still cuddled up in bed next to me...

Sad part about this whole story, is that this house is truly falling apart (electric is sketch, toilet doesn't work properly, air conditioning sucks, ceilings cracked, doors are settling in the wrong places).... When John and Bryn signed the lease, it was for a single year - The landlord plans to have the place demolished this summer.... With that said.... The lease is up in two and half weeks... We need to be out on September 1st..

Dear London:

2010-08-14T11:56:00.004-04:00

Kristal: "Dear London - I want to be you when I grow up. How do I make that happen? Thanks, Kristal"

London: "Hey Kristal, Easy! All you have to do is love kitties and try to make it to BurningMan once a year.... : ) Ha.. Then... perhaps... you shall become I..."

Kristal: "Damn, thats where i have been going wrong! I've been loving men and burning kitties all these years! - Just wanted to say that your breath taking - Thank you for showing that 'thick' is marketable. It gives me hope that I have a place in this industry.. "

After Fetcon: Sleepin on Siesta Beach

2010-08-12T23:18:00.006-04:00

WoolyBully

2010-08-09T03:02:00.015-04:00

My brain is frizzled from lack of sleep and abuse from alcohol - but lets see if I can write a blog.

FetishCon - As with any kind of convention - I truly feel that your initial experience is the most intense - It shapes your perception and sets a precedent for everything that follows - The newness is exciting, curiosity is tempting....

But I do find, that after the first introduction....

A bit of the glitter gets lost....

But that is how I feel about most things.

.....I call this "jaded"

Most memorable year at FetCon was my first - 2006. I was 22 - I knew no one, no one knew me..... That was the year, I walked through the main lobby, saw a guy dressed as a human horse, pulled his tail and found out it was a 10 inch butt plug (ouch!). That was also the year that I drank wine out of a bullhorn, got invited to an offsite concert, jumped into a car with a very drunk guy I did not know, drove 20 miles, and realized, half way to the show, that he was running drugs to the band .... bag of coke, bag of meth, bag of E, backpack was brimming... He was swerving on the road. I was scared. Slipknot invited us on the bus, they gave me some shots of vodka, I sat on someone's lap, someone kissed me - Later, I begged a stranger for a ride home, I think he thought I was a prostitute, he kept preaching about the Church... I hated my FetCon roommate that year - She was smart, beautiful, a graduate from Harvard.... she fucked guys for money and she locked me out on nights I came home too late - I was saturated with FetCon, smothered by it - I left my hotel Sunday morning, walked five blocks, ate lunch in a dead hotel.... My waiter and I rolled silverware together - I confided in him how horrifying the Hyatt was - Diaper-bears (the hairy guys my roommate was sessioning with in urine-stained Diapers) and the sissy ladies with balloon boobs - He left me and returned with two giant water bottles full of Rum and Coke to cope.... His name was Max. Max was awesome....

That year - I was alone, shocked, excited, and alive
That year - I was also pathetically naive and self-destructive...

FetCon 2010 - Things have changed (not necessarily for better or worse): I know tons of people these days and tons of people know me - Fetcon, has become a lot like an extended family - This is the only time of year that I feel like I have 'co-workers' - Beautiful girls that I can hang out with, talk shop with, compare notes on photographers, exchange wardrobe, go out to dinner with...

FetCon still has the ability to shock me sometimes, though...

For example, three hours ago, I wore a strap-on dildo.... underneath a woolly pencil skirt and demanded that my well-paying Eskimo slave suck "woolybully lama cock on camera...".... Not my usual cup of tea but I can say, that if anyone ever asks me for the weirdest moment of my life... It goes like this: I am looking down .... at this 40 year old man, wearing a barbie pink woolen sweater. There are knitted woolen sheep jumping across his fake tits... There are mousetraps hanging from his fake nipples. I am thrusting my wool covered latex cock in his face and telling him "Suck my woolybully lama cock...." Wool fibers hang from his lips - And the videocamera ... just... keeps... rolling....

WorldStar Hip Hop Video

2010-07-27T13:49:00.004-04:00

I admit it.... I never realized that WorldStar was such a huge site! A few months ago they ordered a custom video from me, paid me a bunch of money up front, I just figured they were 'another' website trying to make in the business (..so many of those websites out there these days).... But... Ummm....Did you know that WorldStar IS the business? Since the video went up 2 days ago, it has had over 250,000 hits - I have had three urban magazines contact me about shooting, four photographers offering to fly me out of the country for modeling jobs, and at least a dozen PR guys hoping to hire me for radio shows and TV.... It is crazy. My inbox is flooded... I don't think I have ever seen so much email in one day...

For once in my life, my butt is getting more attention than my chest! Ha.... My butt is famous!...

Just wish that their video quality didn't smush me down 12 inches, It makes me look all compact and weird... Check out my short stubby square video in all it's glory...... Video...

Eeek!..

2010-07-27T01:32:00.026-04:00

While shooting with a photographer on Sunday afternoon, he asked "Do you shoot Pink?" (in case you are wondering - That is industry-talk for 'will you spread your vagina open and let me shoot your cervix...') ....And replied politely, "Nope, not my thing"..... He, then, asked "Really? You wont even do it OFF camera?"

Aquapalooza Lake Travis 2010

2010-07-12T13:17:00.006-04:00

"Palooza" seems to be a quick way of saying, "You are gonna party your ass off all weekend..." AquaPalooza just rolled through. Free event, no tickets needed, held in over 100 different locations around the world. Touted as "the world's largest boating event," 15,000 boats and 84,000 attendees are expected in the aquacade's 100 locations around the globe (Stockholm, Singapore and Marbella, Spain all get stops).

I had to go check it out. You know I had to. I had this fifty foot boat lined up Friday night - $30 a person for ice, food, and shade. Butttt the captian was pushing off at 7am the next morning, wanted us there by 6:30am... I was laying in bed thinking, "It is 2am right now, can I really wake up in 4 hours and sit on the water for 16 hours and be happy about it?" Nope. That is not happening. Scratch that idea. Then I figured, there has to be a way to get out there without a boat. "Pat and I will just buy some pool rafts and swim it!" Great idea in my head (not sure how I talked Patrick into doing this, normally he is smarter than this), not so great when you have been swimming for a halfhour, it is 5pm, and the stage is still a tiny black dot in the distance - We did make it to the other side, cardio and all.... Just in time for Brad Paisley's encore!

Turn around.

A nice family boat picked Pat and I up on the way back - They dropped us off on the other side of the lake.... Pat and I hung out on our colorful floats, talking to other people on colorful floats, drinking beers, watching the sunset... It was a really good day.

They denied my claim...

2010-07-02T12:23:00.006-04:00

As you know, my ATM card was stolen two weeks ago... I reported the card stolen as soon as I noticed (which was not quickly enough) Over the course of two days and three different states (FL, NC, VA), they used my pin # and stole $580 from my checking account .... I filed a fraud claim with my bank, gave them all information I could - They said it would be two weeks before I heard anything...

Today I got a letter in the mail saying that the claim was denied.... When I called them to inquire as to why, they told me that even if I have documents that prove where I was on the days that the money was taken out.... The fact that someone used my pin # successfully proves that the claim is not fraudulent and I cannot get my money back...

... Everything is just so wrong in my life right now, I could not help it, I started crying...The guy felt bad for me - He did a little research, took some more notes, went in and re-opened the case - Told me file a police report because it will help my case, and also to collect documents that prove where I was that day....

I have been in such a dark miserable hole these last few weeks, it is like I have this cartoon black cloud following me around everywhere and I cannot shake it off... On a very positive note, I just want to mention here, that I really love you guys for trying to make things a little easier - The overwhelming flow of people sending donations has really helped a lot - The community on here is so fantastic, just a network of friends and people who say that this blog has inspired them in so many ways.... I never knew that these stories have touched so many people. In the very least, if anything good comes out of this week, I know that I have a really great safety net of awesome friends on here. Thanks for reading. And thank you for being here for me... because sometimes, especially this week, I really need it...

Photos: Trisha Noble.. LA

First Roll, Mamiya, Tracy-face

2010-07-01T12:19:00.006-04:00

Broke out the Mamiya - Tracy and I shot off my first roll of 120 film. Shot it by the Burner warehouse last week (Austin has so many neat places to shoot, tons of murals and things). As for the photos themselves, I know that they turned out grainy... but I was shooting 400 speed film that expired three years ago AND the sun had just set, so I was pushing my luck.... regardless, I really like them a lot...

Blame game - ATM Card

2010-06-27T16:17:00.011-04:00

Arrived at the Fort Laud Airport earlier than expected, Oh how I love the convenience of the Self-Check-In-Kiosk, no hassle, no people, no problems! "Please insert a credit or debit card to locate your flight information" Went to pull out my ATM card.... and..... it... was.... not.... there!? Weird? Dug around in my purse for a minute, trying not to notice the line of people burning me with their impatient eyeballs.... I tore through receipts, old gum wrappers, a pile of makeup brushes at the bottom of my purse - No ATM card.....

First call was to the Bank - They cancelled my card, re-issued me a new one.

Second call was to the Fraud Department - They informed me that over the course of two days, $580 had been pulled out of my Bank Account... First transaction happened in Ft Laud, second in Jacksonville, third in North Carolina, and a fourth in Richmond VA... They asked me if I had any idea who it could have been, any information I could give them would be used in the investigation....

There are only two people: Either Jay (who I am really hoping would not screw me over like that) or the strange lady who was hanging out at our campsite on Sunday night ... She kept coming onto me, trying to grab my face and kiss me, "I think you are really attractive. Did you know that I am bi-sexual?"... She was so forward, it freaked me out and I went to bed early. In the morning, Jay told me that he had stayed up with her until 4am and that he caught trying to punch her number in my cell phone..... He took my purse and threw it in the tent with me....

Regardless of who took it - No one but Patrick and I know my ATM pin number... Have any of you ever heard of someone taking cash out without a pin? Is that even possible.... I am confused

Jay in Fort Lauderdale...

2010-06-21T15:38:00.014-04:00

After his near-death experience with his heroine/coke ball - I distanced myself from Jay. I loved him as a friend but had fallen out of love with him, hard.... I just could not balance his life, his problems, his anger, with the love we had - I returned his keys in his mailbox, I stopped answering his calls, I stopped going to his place, I stopped participating in his life - God - It was hard - Every night I worried about him.... Every night I prayed he would not get himself killed...

After three years of not speaking, you can imagine my surprise when I got a text from him at 2am last week. The text said, "Hey babe, i am in a hard spot in FL, i miss having friends, call me sumtime" Now Jay is not Internet savvy, he types with his index fingers, he does not have a facebook or a twitter account or even a cellular phone plan... he had absolutely no idea I was in FL. I wrote him back, "which part of FL" - He typed out "FtLaud"... I called him up. Guess he was having some trouble back home, was sleeping on a beach in Hollywood FL, he had been held up twice at gunpoint, he was hungry, broke, homeless, and in a crappy place - I told him, "I am in Fort Laud too, I have to ask Patrick, but want to go camping with me? I will pick you up in the morning..."

Pat sees good in just about everyone - After all these years of watching me model for money, dealing with guys hitting on me and knowing that I live for no one but him... When I called him and explained the situation, he said "Don't worry about it - If it was one of my friends, I would do the same thing... I trust you."

Man - When Jay crawled into my car, skinny, lobster-red, wild-eyed, clothes torn up and stinking... I did a double-take. He looked like a crazy homeless man that you would see on the side of the road panhandling for cash.... He launched into a speech about how he was cleaning his life up - no more drugs, no more drinking, no more cigarettes... blah blah blah, I nodded and congratulated him (that is typical Jay talk) - Hours later, after showering and grabbing some food, he starting catching me up about his life...

Guess he had hooked up with a 27 year old girl with three kids, accidentally got her pregnant, had a baby with her. For the last three years, he has been a dad to all four children, including her one autistic child who can only eat beige colored foods. Being a father was the one thing keeping him sane and grounded - He talks about books and baths and family dinners, and a kind of happiness I cannot understand just beams from his blue eyes.. But aside from the kids, his relationship was falling apart, it was putting a lot of pressure on him - One night he got drunk, caught his GF cheating on him, and went crazy - He threw things, put his fist through a wall, and she beat him with a baseball bat in self defense - The next morning, she took two restraining orders against him. She found a new boyfriend to take care of the kids and told Jay not to worry about Father's Day "You are not seeing your kid anymore" - blah blah blah (God, re-reading this, I feel like it is worse than Jerry Springer... oh and it gets worse) - So he then quit his job, obsessed about his daughter so much - he tried to commit suicide - He tried to hang himself in the backyard, but the rope broke (he has quite the scar to prove it... ick) - Eventually, not knowing what to do, he just ran from his problems.... He jumped on a greyhound bus and tried to get a job in New Orleans with the Oil Spill, but BP was only hiring out-of-state Hazmat people for $10 an hr... so he packed up and tried Pensacola, to no avail... And ended up in Ft laud, sleeping on the beach...

We went camping in the Keys, we swam in the ocean... He spent the entire time talking about his daughter. Over and over and over, obsessively, repeatedly - I spent those few days trying to talk him into gaining control of his life, to get the upperhand, to stop complaining and start doing something - Whether it was correct, I talked him into calling his mother, to get a ticket home.. Talked him into getting a job that might overlook his past arrests "The military sucks, but if you prove yourself and you want your daughter back, that will be your best option...." Truthfully, I not even sure the military can clean up his record - Truthfully, I am not sure that kid should be with either parent (they are both crazy) Truthfully, I am not even sure if sending him home was the right advice... For all I know, next week he could obsess about his daughter so much, he might try to kidnap her or something... *sigh* Hard situation...

Flashback...

2010-06-21T14:12:00.017-04:00

I remember Jay in highschool, two lockers down from me, an entire year went by, he never even said Hello to me - He was part of the drug culture, which I guess, made him 'cool' back then - He went to field parties... I went to movies - He threw giant house parties... I hung out with Matthew and went hiking... He had a hard life - His mom kicked him out at 14, he lived on couches for a bit, did a few runs of smuggling coke over the Mexican boarder. By the time he was 17, he had gone through school as an undiagnosed dyslexic, a huge disruption in the classroom... School did not like him, he dropped out, did not even attempt to get his GED... At 17, he found a job working construction, pushed for his Hazmat certification, bought a house, grew up fast...

The summer that I turned 21, Jay and I were just really good friends.... I had met him while partying at Sylvan Beach - He did not remember me, I remembered him. We were fast buds... First time in my life, I had a straight guy friend and we had no weird, touchy, feely feelings attached. We were together almost every day of the week - I would be his wingman at the bar, he would dare me to kiss guys at the lake, we went clubbing together, we partied together, we watched out for one another. On nights he could not drive, I would pick him up. On days I was dead broke, he would buy me lunch..... Occasionally on nights where we would have people over till 4am... I would crash in his bed - I had my side and he had his, sometimes, we would cuddle and talk, most of the time, we just went to sleep....

I loved those days.... carefree happiness... sitting on the porch, cooking some BBQ, watching the sun go down...

August rolled around.... A relationship that I was persuing was crashing and burning - The day after valentine's Day, all teary-eyed, I confided in Jay that I needed more love in my life, and he leaned over and kissed me all romance-novel-cheesey-like and said, "For the past year, you have HAD love in your life..." .... Awww.... So began a whirlwind of a relationship...

The two of us were great together! Passionate, happy.... I was completely in love... He was full of adventure - We did everything together, this time as friends and as lovers - Picnics at the beach, candlelight dinners and board games when his power got shut off, camping trips to the lake, long roadtrips through the mountains - We would lay around for hours, this time swapping both sides of the bed... I was happy.

We started dating in Feb..... but were falling apart by June - Jay was getting jealous. If we went out and I talked to any other guys, he would get me in the car and scream at me, "You are such a fucking whore! I should fucking leave you in the parking lot for that." And I would tell him that I did not want anyone else, and he would scream a lot, and then we would drive back home and everything would be OK again.... After the jealousy, came the lies - One day he came home and told me he quit his job... Later that day I ran into one of his work friends - He goes, "Man! Did Jay tell you how he broke the boss's nose this morning?" Sometimes he would lie about big stuff, most of the time it was small things - stupid pointless things like what he ate for lunch. If he ate a burger, he would say he ate a turkey sandwich - He would lie about stopping for gas... or helping someone paint their house... or walking someone's dog... trivial, pointless, nothings. Perhaps he had always done it and I just never noticed, maybe it was a self defense mechanism that started up because of me, whatever it was - It was slowly eating away at the trust we had in our relationship.... The more he lied to me, the worse he felt, the more he drank, the angrier he would get. I remember several nights where he put his fist through a wall and went speeding away in his truck, only to end up arrested somewhere for smashing someone's face in... I would sit home worried, phone in hand, speed dialing his mother to bail him out of jail.... He never hit me - but those nights he would drink, he would become wild eyed, violent, dangerous. Sometimes I was scared of him, most of the time I would watch him like he was a bad movie that I could not turn away from - "Is this the same person that I fell in love with?"

Mid June I came home to find his doing a speedball with a bunch of his old drug running friends, he said he was headed off to do another job with them. "Fuck no you are not!" I told his friends to get the fuck out of the house.... As they peeled out of the driveway, Jay was yelling at me again - His nose was bleeding, he was passing out, I got him into the tub and turned on the shower, he was puking all over himself, he was not waking up... I was freaking out - I couldn't call 911, he would kill me, he would be caught with a shit ton of drugs... he would violate probation and go to jail forever... he would rather die....

It was at that moment that I fell out of love with him - I just could not do it anymore.... His problems were heavier than I could deal with... If he loved me, he would not put me in this situation. If he loved himself, he would not be bleeding in the bathtub, covered in vomit... Obviously he needed help that I could not give him. I called his mom, waited for her to show up, and with very mixed feelings, I left his place for a very long time....

Photos: Jay and I - four years ago.... I was 22, he was 23... and my hair was wonderfully jet black...

My Ex (in photos)

2010-06-18T14:30:00.000-04:00

"Miami can suck a dick"

2010-06-18T13:55:00.007-04:00

Not all the time - but most of the time, I even wrote a blog about it last year after Matt and I returned from a trip to the Keys.... I was deathly sick, we were out of cash, no one wanted to hire me because I was not a bikini model and I had to work with that fat guy in Miami who thought he was Santa Claus, "Come take photos on my lap, baby..." There was also the guy in Orlando who would not get out of my hotel room (god, I was scared), and the Hispanic guy who kept trying to give me a back massage.... Yeaaaa.... I swore to myself that I would never travel to FL for work ever again.... never... ever... again... total nightmare...

... Ha... Well, until Prescott! This particular photographer sent me the most touching email (.. just went looking for it but seems to have been buried in the avalanche that is my Gmail.... oh well) - To sum it up - He talked about how a group of artists, including himself, have been passionately working on a project called: Exposed the Art Project - His letter was really sweet, claiming that he wished to do a photography session with a plus-sized model and could not think of better model to use for the project. "Could you come down to Miami for the shoot, I might be able to help with expenses?" - I immeadiately thought of Santa, my reply was instantly explosive "NO friggin way... not gonna happen..." I wrote him back, stating that FL and I do not mix... that there are tons of girls on Mayhem... I am sure you will find someone else for the project... Thanks for thinking of me, really sorry...

A week or two went by - and he wrote me again, "I have never done this before... give me an idea of what it would take to get you down here and I will see if I can budget it" - I quoted a price... and he said he would make it work....

Two weeks later - I was on a plane to Fort Lauderdale...

Prescott's shoot was one of the highest production shoots I have been on (even Danni.com could not compare).... He had Edward Cruz as the makeup artist and Troy as the hairstylist (mmmm... sexy sexy stylists... of course, both gay *sigh*) - We were shooting at a studio that costs $1900 a day - The place was HUGE, windows straight to the ceiling... Prescott had a photography assistant helping him out, handing him film and things. All the Exposed Art Project people were there - While at the studio, I also worked with Barry, the outrageously talented mural artist.... There had to be fifteen people in the studio.... shooting, walking around with video cameras, eating, laughing... creative madness! If you have not seen some of the candid photos from Prescott's shoot, I had hair extensions put in and they bleached my eyebrows right off my face! (I have since dyed them back again) - Not sure if I will see the final product, since most of the stuff we shot was on 120 film - but the art show should happen sometime in 2011.... so stay tuned for that!

Killer Ostrich Tales

2010-06-17T15:06:00.018-04:00

Van, sprawled out across his couch, exhausted..... Only to awake to his neighbor screaming, "VANNN - OPEN your fucking door!" He threw open the door to find his very frightened neighbor, heaving, two grocery bags, gasping, "Man, there is a killer ostrich out there! A GIANT BIRD!..." Van looked at his neighbor through tired rimmed eyes.... We live in South Carolina, he thought, there are no giant birds here, buddy. Van politely said, "If there is a giant 'bird' in the front yard, just slip out my back door, jump the fence, the 'bird' will never see you.." So the frightened neighbor did just that...with a sneak peek around the corner of the house, he hightailed it across the yard, over the fence, slammed his backdoor...

"Great...." Van thought as he turned back to his couch, "Double graveyard shift, finally, I can get some sleep." Fifteen minutes later - "VANNNNN!!!! Open your door, VAN!" This time the neighbor's wife was hooting and hollering about 'bird this' and 'bird that'! "Ugh," Van sighed, "If this keeps up, I am going to have to call the police - They have to be on drugs or something" Being polite, Van opened the door, let her in, and she collapsed on his feet, "THAT BIRD! Did you SEE IT! Nearly killed me...." Van goes, "Yea yea yea, giant bird, I know..."

But then - BIRD INDEED! A giant OSTRICH streaks across his lawn!... "What! The hell?" Rubs his eyes, rubs them again... but no.... definitely an ostrich running laps in front yard with a rope tied around his neck.... AND he was dragging the body of a very beat up, bloody, bruised neighbor.... ????

8am...Van grabs his keys, dashes for his car, starts pulling 70 to the police station... Along the way, he blows past a few stop signs, goes through a few red lights, looks in his rear view, police lights turn on.... *fuck* Van pulls over. "Sir, could you tell me what is so important that you are doing 70 in a 35?" "Tell the truth" Van thinks.... "Sir, I was actually heading to the police station - you see, there is a giant bird that is attacking all my neighbors and it has this rope around it's neck and it is pulling one of my neighbors behind it.. you could follow me back..." The officer looks at Van's bloodshot eyes, looks at his slumped over shoulders... Van watches the officer's hand slowly move towards waistband, hovering over his gun, "Son, will you step out of the car. Have you had anything to drink, taken any illegal drugs..."

Just then, Van sees the giant ostrich, angry, running full force down the road, straight at them...Van just leaps to safety behind his car - The cop, thinking that he is trying to get away, pulls out his gun and stands his ground in the middle of the road - Seconds later, the ostrich plows down the officer, leaving him dazed and confused, in the middle of the road.

"Believe me now?"

Officer blubbers for awhile..... calls for backup, they catch the runaway ostrich, the neighbor goes to the hospital - He tells the story like this...

Early in the morning, he had tied his fishing boat up to the dock - While working on getting all his ropes and nets untangled, his wife made him popcorn... Working on a very difficult knot, he heard something step up directly behind him - Turning around, he was face to face with a very mean popcorn-covered ostrich. The ostrich went for his eyes.... so he grabbed his ropes and tried to strangle it..... but it did not work, he failed, he got tangled-up in his own ropes and dragged for miles...

Hahaha... I just think this is the best story - A photographer, named Van, said that this happened to him when he lived in the Carolinas... I could not find photos of people being chased, so I included an amusing photo of a giraffe!

Van Rijn ArtWork

2010-06-11T19:49:00.005-04:00

Not entirely sure where I first saw Van Rijn's work (I believe it was on an erotic art site).... But I do remember when I first saw his work, and for the last two years I have completely Internet stalked Van and his artwork all over the place. When I wrote him last month, asking if he might be interested in using some of my photos as a reference.... I half expected Van to retort with a "Sure..... but it is going to cost you a bunch"... As an artist who is usually commissioned for his work, I was pleasantly suprised when he said he would love to draw something for me....

Here is his website: Van Rijn - Just check out the detail in his work - They remind me of those gorgeous old-timey wood etchings, carved out, full of patterns - Check out the hair and the stockings!..... Here are two of the three pieces he sent me (The third one... perhaps my favorite... is very much X-rated and so sadly, I am unable to post it on this blog...sorry guys) Enjoy!

Dirty photos published... !

2010-06-10T22:48:00.005-04:00

Dirty, murky, rocky, cruddy, messy, wormy mud! - Mud from Christopher Donovan's back yard that he dug up in the middle of a down pouring rainstorm three months ago... and then plastered all over me at 1am... mud mud mud!

Happy to hear that the photos we shot together, out there in New Hampshire, turned out so amazing... They were just published in an online art magazine: Check it out: Here... Also be sure to peruse all the artists on that website, there is some phenomenal work out there...

Panty Dropping at Applebees

2010-06-10T11:19:00.012-04:00

Ever had a nightmare where you are walking through a populated place, everyone is staring at you and then, looking down, you realize ... wow... you are naked? Ha, while that is a nightmare for some... that scenario actually happens to me a lot in real life - At least once a month, I get hired for guerrilla nudes - I get paid to walk around naked in public, everyone stares at me and points (It is oh-SO awkward) - While I will never be comfortable shooting guerrilla styled stuff, after some forty-odd shoots, as least it is not as terrifying as it once was...

Know what IS terrifying, though!?... Having your underwear slip down to your ankles in the middle of Applebees - Yup..... THAT happened to me Tuesday.

Shot with a photographer who crochets bikinis for models (really sweet guy). He put together this wonderful scarlet bikini - I drove up from Austin and we shot on a beach in Kileen.. When we finished, I grabbed a sundress, tossed it over my bikini, "Lets get some lunch!" Well.... did you know that yarn expands when it gets wet? No one told me that... Nope. Never knew.

After our meal in Applebees, we got up to leave.... *gasp* I could feel the bikini bottoms starting to slip down my thighs... *gasp again* I grabbed the bottoms with one hand and like an elderly person, I scooted through the restaurant towards the door... scoot scoot - Nearby tables were laughing and giggling - I fumbled with the bottoms... just as I exited the door, my bikini fell to my ankles... Ahhhh!... Photographer looks at me and goes, "Wish I had my camera.... What a great way to end a shoot!" Oh so embarrassing!

Beware of Jim Haynes...

2010-06-09T03:40:00.019-04:00

It is against ModelMayhem rules to "out" a model or photographer in a forum or on your page.... because obviously, no one can prove who is telling the truth. But let me tell you, this bastard in Richmond/DC area, has been at this wayyy too long - Jim Haynes/Hinyes/Hanes (...who also changes his name and gender A LOT...) is dangerous. He has physically attacked a handful of models that I would consider friends - He has walked off with cell phones, computers, even makeup - He has stolen money out of cars, wallets - He has had the cops called on him multiple times, but they never get there in time..... If you google his email, you can find all the horrible things this guy has done in the past: FOKUSFOTO@GMAIL.COM

You can read about him Here and also Here....

This poor model, Valya (MM 1348711), had a run-in with him earlier today (ugh).... Bruised her up pretty good and stole what little money was in her wallet... Not only did this bastard shoot her for an ENTIRE day.... He also "set her up with" two other paid jobs, made her pay for her hotel, and then stole her only $200 from her wallet (don't you wish you could kick him in the face?) .....

More than anything - I just want the modeling community to come together - To be able to protect one another from the very few people in this industry who make this job frightening... The cops never seem to catch this guy and even the special investigators cannot locate him.... So perhaps if we get his name out there enough, through blogs and through word of mouth, maybe some day this asshole will get caught.... He had a Mayhem profile, but MM recently took it down (whoo MM!) - Lets just hope he does not start a new one anytime soon...

Riggle P'Ups

2010-06-06T00:05:00.003-04:00

Commission or check his art Here

LA in Photos:

2010-06-01T17:50:00.028-04:00

Monday 17th: All three of us, break camp at Joshua Tree - Get to LA at 3pm, crash at Samantha's place....

Tuesday 18th: Matthew flies back home to the Cuse - Tracy and I begin our modeling tour in LA.

Wednesday 19th: Photographer wakes up at 4am and drives five hours to work with me! *flattered!* - I get covered in vasaline, my greasy butt ruins a new studio backdrop - Great photos emerged from the shoot....

Longggg, seven hour job, shooting Sleepy Fetish videos with Paragon Videos - Paragon takes us out for yummy Italian afterwards, Tracy cannot figure out why her pizza shows up on a tomatoe can... but she just goes with it....

Thursday 20th: I forgot who I worked with - Tracy just texted me and said, "It was the Pot Pussy Guy, remember?..." Ha. Indeed I did. We worked in the studio for three hours - And afterwards, the photographer showed Tracy and I photos of a naked lady with Marjuana inside her Pussy "We smoked it after... it was really good stuff..." Ewwww

Scruffy Pirate hires Tracy and I to shoot together on the Queen Mary in Long Beach (an old ship which has been converted into a floating hotel) - Photographer brings TONS of vintage clothing - The place is wooden, rich with history and feels haunted - Someone runs down the hallway screaming, "Red RUM! Red RUM!":

Friday 21st: Day off for London! Tracy works that morning, I spend the entire day talking to Samantha - Tracy and I go shopping at It's A Wrap!

Tracy and I had the chance to check out the 1920's Shanghai adventure! Great show!

Sat 22nd: Worked with a young talented college kid, Xeroxed my boobs and my Butt:

Saturday Night Dinner at Hamburger Mary's and an 'attempt' to see the Cemetery Screening of "The Thing" - Parking was insane... We gave up

Sunday May 23rd: Tracy and I shot a ten hour job for WetandMessy.com:

Monday May 24th: Beware of the Butt Carrot! Muki's Kitchen stuck a fake carrot in my butt and Tracy (the evil pilgrim!) cooked me up for supper!

One of my favorite Modelographers, Trish, shot me with her Daddy's film camera at Don Sir's place while Trace was getting tied up...:

6-11pm: Tracy and I got tied up by Don Sir - I got to do my first suspension (a lot of fun!), Tracy got to do her second, and I had the chance to hopelessy flirt with Don for a few hours... ha:

Tuesday 25th: My ass is on a flight back to Austin TX - And I am happy, well photographed, and on my way home to hug my kitty..... Whoooo!

Trisha Photos!

2010-06-01T17:30:00.004-04:00

Los Angeles...

2010-06-01T17:18:00.008-04:00

Mile-wise the drive from Joshua Tree to LA was short - but covered in dust sporting some brittle dusty hay hair... the drive was not short enough! Oh how I love a good shower! Although, I have a bunch of friends in the Los Angeles area, Tracy thought it would be fun to crash at Samantha Grace's house for a few days (Sam is another Internet model). Sam and I used to live about 20 miles from eachother in Cleveland but rarely saw eachother - In 2009, I moved to Austin and she went to LA. She got a boob job, lost a ton of weight, ditched the pin-up white alabaster look for the LA tan, now looks happy and in love... Had a lot of fun at her place - Enjoyed that she was so close to the 10 and the 405 - all our shoots were less than 20 miles away....

LA was crazy - Tracy and I were always so busy.... We would leave the house at 10am and get back around 11pm every night - It was an exhausting seven days - I don't want to write about it - maybe Tracy will blog about it... ? Go write her some comments on her blog or something... Maybe she has photos...

One thing I really enjoyed while I was in LA: Isobel's amazing friend, Josh, who has been working on the 1920's Shanghai for the past few years - Got Tracy and I a pair of free tickets to the show! - It was so much fun!.... Sex, blood, Opium, slow motion fighting - Half the audience dressed up in old 1920's clothes, with cheap furs and funny hats.... They served absinthe at the bar, and all the actors had really bad french accents and were pretending to be chinese.... If you are in LA and you want to go see a really great show for a reasonable price, I recommend you check it out - It is playing in Culver City for a bit....

Photos: Studio 5 Nine Photography - LA May 2010

New Artwork!

2010-05-27T17:13:00.006-04:00

Check out Justin's work on Facebook!

Joshua Tree Music Festival

2010-05-27T16:36:00.017-04:00

Been curious about Joshua Tree Music Festival for quite some time - Matt's birthday was an exceptional excuse to buy tickets! Tracy, Matthew and I packed up her Monte Carlo and drove five hours to 29 Palms. Since Joshua Tree is a National Park and needs to be preserved for future generations (Yay Teddy Roosevelt!), the festival was actually held at a campground about five miles North of the Park entrance. It would go against the grain, so to speak, to hold a festival where crazy hippies would be scaling canyon walls, tromping over endangered plants, and trying to fly off boulders - if you know that I mean...

A small get together - Maybe, 4,000 people went? Perhaps not even that many - Lots of art, families, dogs, and adorable hippie children with hoola hoops - This tiny four year old girl was hooping around Tracy and I... Tracy said something like, "You are so beautiful and talented with that hoop!" And the little girl said, "I know..." And she started doing laps around us, smiling and dancing.... so friggin cute! I might not like children much, but the little flower kids are special...

Matt, who has never been to a camping music festival before, could not figure out how balance sleep with enjoying the festival..... While Matt does not do drugs and rarely drinks - He DOES dance like a crazy fool - The kid needs a five foot wingspan in order to avoid knocking people out or tripping on his own feet.... All this fantastic dancing, leads to him meeting fantastic people - For example, on this trip, he met a beautiful guy from Kenya who teaches breakdancing and hiphop, who was also the lead singer for Dusu .... we got to check out the tour bus and backstage for awhile - Matt slept a total of, maybe, ten hours the entire weekend - I would wake up to see him crawl into bed just as the sun was coming up, he would sleep three or four hours, and then have to deal with a searing hot tent around 10am...

The festival was a helluva lot of fun! Music was funkalicious - Bonerama came all the way from New Orleans to play (their band is almost all trombones and tubas...) StantonWarriors did a DJ set that had hundreds of people dancing on the dance floor - Evaro, a very talented band from Joshua Tree which consists of mostly family members, did a fantastic job on Sunday... Now that I am thinking about it, I wish I picked up their CD.... they were really really good. Fucking Mexican Institute of Sound put on a killer dance set on Friday night

By Sunday afternoon, everyone who had been partying all weekend and could hardly move - This included Tracy, Matthew, and I... We had spent the entire weekend, from Noon-Midnight dancing in the front row like crazy people - When those two bands took the stage on Sunday, I could not even tell you who they were.... The whole festival was laying down in the shade, half dozing in and out of sleep - Sometimes I would see someone stand up and try to dance and I would think, "What are you trying to prove, buddy... go back to bed" - Matt, Tracy and I were all curled up, sharing a plate of food that someone had gifted us, completely exhausted .... It was peaceful, comfy, there were two hundred people sleeping beside us, I was convinced that nothing could peel me off the ground... nothing in the world...

Until Delhi 2 Dublin took the stage!!!!!...... Have any of you ever heard of them!? They are INSANE! Their music does not allow you to sit quietly - It takes over your body and demands that you Irish jig to their an electric sitar...! Saturday night, Delhi 2 Dublin played a gig in Vancouver until 2am, jumped a plane at 4am to Joshua Tree, and put on one of the best sets of the entire weekend - high energy, great sound..... great way to end the weekend....

Aubre Cummings May 20th 2010

2010-05-20T03:31:00.001-04:00

Burnt Toast! May 6th-9th

2010-05-14T03:35:00.011-04:00

While Tracy and her boyfriend were unable to attend the small regional burn in North Eastern AZ because of financial issues - Matthew and I pulled some strings, glued things together, made it work - Enterprise ("home of the weekend special") gave me full rein of any car in the lot. I chose this cute little blue thing, big empty trunk, never driven before, only 50 miles on it.... Perfect for a Thelma and Louise roadtrip....

While Matt browsed for hot guys on Facebook, I put together a Burning Man Checklist: 6x8 $20 tent from Target, tons of warm blankets, 1 gallon of water a day per a person (Also used to weigh tent down during sand storms/wind storms), baby wipes (no showers at the Burn), vitamins, food bars, saltine crackers, bananas, beer, wine, drinking cups, big heavy boots, really fun/funky/sexy costumes..... Ooooh and the new Sookie Stackhouse books.....

Never before have I driven through the eastern part of AZ (I have been just about everywhere else in the state) - There are the most gorgeous, majestic mountains out there.... like Flagstaff, but with far less people - It was around 6pm when Matt and I found ourselves checking into Toast, setting up camp. Like the Playa in Nevada - The desert near St John's is really windy! Unlike the Playa in Nevada (which has absolutely no life or vegetation), Toast was full of bugs, cacti, and bushes - It was also full of cow poop.... LOTS of cow poop. Luckily, with the 2010 Burning Man theme being Metropolis, our neighbor across the street started building cow pie skyscrapers and buildings to burn at the end of the week... which diminished the cow poop in our area significantly...

Again, unless you have attended Burning Man, I cannot really explain this festival to you - The Burn is nothing short of Magic. Dancing with like minds, shaking it with facinating peoples, chatting with an exciting German man from AZ who chases Emu and creates fantastic fire-balloons from the 1500's, listening to songs sung from the heart, moments of love, stories of life, sharing a campfire in a 30 degree night - Matthew met a very interesting bi-sexual breakdancing millionaire who accidentally killed his 16 year old sweetheart fifteen years ago in a car crash - Matthew also partied so hard that he breakdanced all over my brand-new camcorder (oh well, so much for my 6 day old camcorder, eh?) Randomly, I found a girl who was wearing one of the necklaces that Pat and I made for Burning Man last year - out of 55,000 people, Pat and I only made 200 necklaces and she had one right there in AZ - Also, Matt and I drunkenly helped this guy put together his Boma hut, which was made from PVC tape and insulated cardboard, only to find out that he was Tracy's neighbor at Burning Man in 2009 - It is strange how small our world feels when you really think about it....

This particular burn (which is less than 300 people) started to feel like home only a few days in - Faces were completely recognizable by the end of the weekend - It was a giant summercamp, full of art and positive ideas....

While the weekend really was a blast - Saturday meant the most - Around Noon, Matt and I decided to ban up with a camp full of botanists for a full day hike out to a canyon full of petroglyphs - Bags packed, water bottles filled, dogs unleashed, nine very happy people and five very happy dogs set off for a distant canyon - Three mile hike out was easy - Story goes that over 17,000 people lived on the canyon walls and water was plentiful - yet, sometime in the 1700's the water dried up and all the indigenous people had to move elsewhere - In present times, water still has not made an appearance but arrowheads and pieces of clay-pots litter the canyon floor.... While I hiked the bottom of the canyon - crawling over boulders, skirting cactus, ducking under bushes - Matthew, scaled the walls and leaping rock to rock, hundreds of feet in the air, watching birds fly beneath his feet (haha... maybe I am exaggerating a bit....but he was REALLY far up there, it was freaking me out).... The petroglyphs were brilliant - Scattered throughout the canyon, they were tucked inside of all kinds of nooks and crannies... it was like looking for jellybeans on Easter - Unlike a lot of ancient places where you only get to see one or two drawings - This protected canyon had hundreds.....

Hours later.... walking out of that canyon was not so easy... not easy at all - Nearly out of water, separated from a bunch of the group (most left earlier than us), drained from jumping over boulders in the 90 degree heat, dragging feet across three miles of sandy desert... I was sure the evening would end with Matt and I being ravaged by tumbleweeds... and yet, that constant and distant, pumping techno music drove us forward towards our temporary city... so familiar... that sound. So Burning Man.... We found our home again...

Photos: While I have no photos from Burnt Toast right now, Matt and I did make some friends who are going to try to email us a few pictures... : ) So look forward to that sometime next week...!

Adventure in AZ....

2010-05-04T23:06:00.012-04:00

Tomorrow I fly to Tucson, meet Matthew at the airport (he gets in an hour before I do).... Tracy will pick us up and the adventure begins! Excited to see my people... Have not seen Matthew since April (which really was not that long ago) but I have not seen Tracy since I moved into my apartment wayyyy back in October... it has been awhile...

For Matt's birthday... I bought him tickets to all kinds of fun festivals and things for the next two weeks. First will be a small Burning Man event called Toast! Good times camping and hanging out with awesome people.... Matt has been to a few regional burns - including Firefly in Vermont and the NYC decompression. This will be my first regional, (although I am also attending Burning Flipside at the end of this month in TX... two burns in one month! Go me!)

From the Toast, Tracy, Matthew and I all drive out to Phx to work a full week.... From Phx to the Joshua Tree Music Festival - The three of us shall dance like total psychos throughout the weekend - Joshua Tree Fest is mostly loud soulful reggae/funk/dance music (gonna shake what my momma gave me) Camping on site all weekend in Tracy's giant Burning Man tent - From there, we head to LA for a jam packed work week - If I can get enough sleep on this trip, I am expecting it to be a blast... *crosses fingers*

Photos: Malibu - May 2009

Going Veggie...

2010-05-04T12:46:00.007-04:00

When I said I was going Vegetarian on Facebook, everyone went,"Noooo - you will lose too much weight, what about those curves?" - For future reference, genetics will never allow me to lose my curves - Impossible... stop worrying...

Decided to go Veg after Matthew stayed here for SXSW.... Matthew, my bestest friend ever, has been living in Syracuse NY for two years now with a house full of crazy Vegans. They have "Save The Pig" magnets all over the fridge, they wash all their sandwich bags, every non-perishable in their house is a product of dumpster-diving, they conserve water by turning off the shower when they soap up (.....house of crazy Vegans).... Matthew has only been a Vegetarian for four months, or maybe five now, I lose track of time - But he is looking good - Looking healthy... Matthew and I have always been really competative..... so after I saw him doing the Veggie-thing and being all sexy and healthy and stuff, I kept thinking to myself, "Wonder if I could disipline myself food habits enough to be a Vegetarian...?"

Ha - bet he is reading this, smirking, like he made it happen... Wipe that smile off your face, buddy - You weren't the half of it.... Want to know what pushed me to become a Vegetarian? It was my "I am going to watch all the oscar movies": Hurt Locker, Blindsided, Up In the Air, Precious, Inglorious Bastards, ect... Which led me to the winning Documentary: The Cove (which was amazing)... Which led me to take a closer at the other documentaries that were nominated: Which Way Home, The Most Dangerous Man in America....... and Food Inc.....

Have any of you watched Food Inc? I know a few people have watched it and changed absolutely nothing about their eating habits (it happens).... I, on the other hand, was totally creeped out - The film concentrates on grocery stores and how your food gets there... While the movie covers all kinds of food: Organic, Soy, Chicken farms, Corn industry, Dairy... It was the Beef industry, the ecoli, the mass number of dirty farms, quanity over quality.... that just really turned me off. Meat being mass produced like that, is not safe... Not even about the animals (I know that sounds horrible) but it is not... It is about how the meat you buy in the supermarket comes from one of four companies. Those four companies mass produce meat... Millions and millions (and millions) of animals go through those slaughterhouses, seven days a week, can you imagine how dirty your food is by the time it gets to you? Your hamburger is made out out of over 1,000 cows... yuck....

Anyways - This Veggie thing is more of a challenge. It has been five weeks since I have had meat and yet, this could easily be a temporary thing, who knows - All I know, is that if I decide to start eating bacon (mmmm) again... it is going to be bought locally, safely, and from a place I trust... like our local Wheatsville Co-op here in Austin

Photos: May 1st 2010, Shot by MeadowSoft (my new buddy from Boston... who randomly was in Austin last week)

London Vs The Fleas

2010-04-30T13:23:00.011-04:00

Want to know what I have been doing all week? (besides living the vegetarian life and sending out ebay stuff...) Battling a flea infestation that Perry brought home! These fleas think that my bed is a circus tent - they wheel and twirl across my sheets, they belly flop off the edge of my bed, they triple lutz across my pillow with chomping jaws. I am horrified, disgusted, and eaten alive...

"Ok, I can deal with this..... just fleas" - My mom always used Frontline Plus (Mom's are always right)... so Frontline Plus it was..... Followed directions, waited a few days.... only to find the fleas had started pairing up for trapeze acts! Doubling in number!

When Mom is not right...... the Internet knows best - Research proves that many of the Frontline Plus brands are no longer working because so many of the flea larva have become immune to it (whatdoyaknow?) - While googling phrases like, "Why are fleas so in favor to their own existence?" - One big-bold-swaggering-Daddy-Flea decided, "Hey, lets go chomp on this lady's boob" - I now have a flea bite the size of a third nipple....

War was declared!

Strategy:

Outdoors: 1)Borax: In the Middle Ages, castles built motes and poured hot tar over their walls onto unsuspecting troops....When you have fleas, who needs hot tar when you have Borax Laundry Detergent!? It dehydrates and dissolves fleas.. 2) DC Earth - Crushed up shells are so tiny, they leave hundreds of cuts on the flea, cutting them to pieces.. 3) Nematodes - (I love saying that word, "Hey guys! I am going out to put the Nematodes on the lawn!"): Tiny microscopic worms that kill small insects such as gnats and fleas but leave all the good bugs, such as earth worms, totally safe for humans/animals, good for the garden... Get this - the Nematode burrows into the flea, and lay eggs in it's stomach, and then eats the flea alive! This is some sci-fi shit, huh?

Indoors: 1) Borax: Used both outdoors and indoors, sprinkled all over the rugs.. 2) Apple Cider Vinegar: Kills them on contact, sprayed all the cushions with it (smell drove my roommates crazy) 3) Eucalyptus Plants: Fleas cannot stand them! Plus, it makes me feel like a Koala in Aussie-Land... 4) Vacuum... a lot!

Perry-Cat: 1) Capstar: The 24 hour Pill that turns your cat into a Flea-Killing-Death-Machine! Attempting to purchase this, I was led to understand that this is a prescription pet medicine - Since I do not have a regular vet for Perry, I had to call A LOT of offices until someone would sell it to me.. Not sure of the underlying idea behind prescription pet medicine really. Strung out pets on street corners? Apparently the Internet is sort of a Pet-Med-Black-Market, because I could get whatever I wanted online. 2)Advantage/Revolution: Capstar only rids fleas for 24 hours, so you need to follow up with a monthly regime. Bought Revolution... Decimated the fleas that were left...

Sitting in bed, it looks like the flea circus is finally gone - Direly, hope it stays that way because it is difficult trying to sleep when the fleas are tap dancing on your face.....

Art Contest Winner: Jamie Cooper

2010-04-25T15:40:00.004-04:00

These were drawn with a Sharpie Marker.... : ) They remind me of band posters and they make me happy! Thanks to everyone that submitted! Ha - To the guy who drew my Vagina... : ) It was very Georgia O'Keefe of you.... nice stuff...!

Winner Writing Contest: Chris!

2010-04-25T15:29:00.007-04:00

Thanks to everyone who sent a submission! - Over 35 to pick from! This one (while a little kiss-ass) really caught my attention.... Great job, Chris! Look for my email today!

"Dear London - I admire what you are doing for a couple reasons. Rather than yield to "The Man" and get a square job, you decided you wanted to travel and figured out a way to do it. I love people who swim upstream, who say "Fuck what I SHOULD do... I'm doing what I WANT to do!" Not only that, but you are carving out a life for yourself in an industry that generally prefers women of a shape different from yours -- that takes courage and determination. You are blazing a trail for other women to follow, and there are many of us who love curvy women that are thrilled to see more and more of you out there.

I'm inspired to improve my own photography, because I would love to take pictures of women like you. I don't want to just be the guy in front of a computer screen, I want to be behind the lens. And why shouldn't I be? If you can do what you are doing, then why can't I too do what I want? People who are brave are an inspiration to others, or a reminder to those of us who have blazed our own trails in the past that, yes, we ARE capable of bigger things. You are one of those brave people --And a damn beautiful one too. . . .

Never Surrender,
Chris"

Shooting in Mass

2010-04-15T21:11:00.018-04:00

Crash Stevens, a photographer who sometimes submits to Easy Rider Magazine, hired me yesterday - While I did not have the chance to meet the owner of the multi-million dollar property we were shooting at (the owner was in Vegas for a 1/4th business, 3/4ths pleasure trip) - his place was gorgeous! Surrounded by 10 acres of woods, a landscaped lawn, five bedroom home, eight shiny Harley's in the garage, tons of old 'dragster' cars lined up the driveway - As if that was not enough, the Owner-guy also built a Saloon in his front yard (all wood, fully stocked bar, pool table, dart boards...) - Afterwards, Crash and I were hanging out, drinking some beer, tossing stories back and forth - When there was all this shouting.... And-oh-so-very randomly, this tall majestic horse came prancing through the trees, across the lawn, trailed by a tiny little pony, being chased this loud screaming woman shouting, "Carrots! Carrots! I got CARROTS! Ho! Ho! Ho! Horse!" - I kept sitting on my stool.... waiting for a punchline about Butt Carrots.... but... it never happened....

Crash's shoot was followed by Matthew Pearl's shoot in New Bedford - Matthew and I took a fantastic little excursion through Lincoln Park, an old abandoned amusement park which was closed in 1987.... The place still boasts one of those old rickety wooden rollercoasters, a burnt down bumper car lot, and walls and walls of graffiti

Today I worked with a guy who just kept telling me how awesome I was! Haha... And I know that I should be humbled... but I could not stop giggling.... He filled in every other ten minutes with, "Have you seen your portfolio? You are so amazing, you are so sexy, you are the best model I have ever worked with - If you come back to Boston, I am going to hire you and make everyone else hire you".... And... while it was not ponies and rollercoasters ..... *It felt like it*... I had a really good day today.

Photos: Christopher Lee Donovan... after a *very* muddy evening of shooting... ha... I feel bad he had to clean the place up afterwards

Coffee and dead people...

2010-04-15T21:03:00.003-04:00

Boston has more Dunkin Donut franchaises than cemetaries....

Boston has A LOT of cemetaries - it was founded in 1630

Boston and family stuff...

2010-04-12T23:22:00.010-04:00

When I was 16, I lived in Boston for awhile - Attended Lesley Art College for summer classes, hung out by Fenway, watched a famous AllStar practice from a rooftop. Made a few friends, traveled on the T, lived with some aunts and uncles for awhile....

In the present, most of my extended family resides in Boston (now, including my little brother and my step-sister) - Lots of family means lots of free places to crash and lots of transportation around the city.... Yet never before, have I ventured up into the Northeast for modeling jobs - Reasoning? - I absolutely abhor trying to keep my "family life" separate from my "modeling life" - It does things to my Psyche that I cannot repair.... In my home life (also known as my real-life and happy life), my boyfriend supports my job, my roommates know what I do and embrace it (they even let photographers shoot at the house), my close friends enjoy my work, even my Mom will occasionally chat with me about modeling - I love it! With a great group of people backing me like that - I am so happy where I am! I am proud of how far I have come in this industry - I am excited that I have been able to travel the country, make beautiful images, experience great things..... I love the freedom, the people I meet, the stories I have to tell....

....And then I see my Family - It is like a big black cloud descends upon my rose colored glasses - Inky smudged and grease fingered.... My extended family does not know what I do and I do not want them to...... How do you explain to someone who did the "all American thing" and went to college, got married, had kids, makes great money, wove a security net.... That you have no interest in that kind of life right now? My family manages to make me feel ashamed, childish and unaccomplished - Two years ago, I burst out in tears at a family function because my uncle decided to have a discussion about how I was an "embarrassment" to the family, how I was ruining my Mom's life, and about how selfish it was for me to stop attending college.... What to do in those situations? Telling the truth is not an option, my mother would be completely appalled if I announced my career choice to her siblings.... So..... Instead, I get defensive - I starting creating elaborate stories and lies to cover up what I really do.... "Oh, I have a part-time job! Oh I am thinking about getting married! Oh I want kids! I am thinking of enrolling in school next year! We are going to buy a house! I might get a new car"

And that hurts me a lot. I am not that person - That is not who I want to be.... I like my naked job (a lot). I do not want to get married right now. I want a dog from PetsAlive to play catch with. I will go to school when I am ready. I want to live in a dozen more places before I settle down - I LOVE my rusty old mustang convertible....

Tomorrow I headed to Boston - I am staying with my Aunt in Reading MA... This is the first time I have ever modeled in Massachusetts (for the above reason alone) - Do wish me luck! If I survive an entire week of denying who I really am and pretending I am someone else.... I..... should..... be.... totally... nuts... right!? When I get home, perhaps I will start asking Pat if he wants to adopt babies from the Amazon Jungle or I will beg him to let me move into one of those ugly, cookie cutter suburbs in Round Rock that are all that strange puke green color..... *please, please - let this week be easy*

Come Fly With Me!

2010-04-03T16:52:00.026-04:00

A model anonymously asked me on Formspring, if I would help her find the cheapest way to fly - Since I have never written about an entry on budget traveling before, I thought this would be a great time to elaborate....

When it comes to purchasing your ticket, the sooner the better. Alyways try to book for Tues or Wed when less people are traveling and prices are significantly less expensive. Also, red-eye flights are supersuper cheap (although I never get any sleep on them... )

When booking, I always start with Cheaptickets.com (my fav) - Other sites to check out: Bing.com, Kayak.com, Orbitz.com (blog readers feel free to post your links in the comments section) I punch in bunch of different cities "close" to my destination. I, then, rent a car and drive a few hours! Example.... if I book work in Miami, I almost always fly into Tampa because it is cheaper and I save $150....Also, if your dates are flexible... You can save a $100 if you fly out a day earlier/later than planned...

Note: While Bing, Orbitz, Cheaptickets are wonderful sites - Be sure to book your actual tickets through the airline's website if possible - It will knock off an additional $20-30 of tax and surcharge that you would have gotten booking through the 2nd party site...

Military usually gets a discount through most airlines...

And if you are a student - You can sometimes find discounted airfare on STA.com. This is the Student Travel Association.

Baggage! Keep in mind, almost all airlines charge you for checked baggage these days (blah!) AND they have penalty fees if your bag is over 50lbs (blah!) - Airlines that charge: Continental, Delta, AirTran, American Airlines. Usually $25-30 a bag. Happy companies that allow your first checked bag for free! Jetblue and Southwest! Whoo!.... Sooo if you are pinching pennies and a Delta flight comes up for $140 and a Jetblue flight for $160.... Jetblue will save you some cash (and they serve Dunkin Donuts coffee and bad daytime TV at the same time! Mmmm)...

Frequent Flyer programs are your friend... almost all the airlines have free miles, sign up for them! I get two or three free flights a year!

If you want to check out all the cheap flights near your airport, check out Fare Compare! It is a website where you type in the city you fly from - and it gives you a twitter feed to follow which shows the discounted fares from that airport. In my case, I'm likely to fly out of Austin Airport, so I use the AUS feed.

If you can think of any other ways to save money while flying, let me know! I am hoping this will be an entry for anyone who is thinking about flying on a budget... : )

The skunk

2010-03-26T23:24:00.007-04:00

Last night, I had a dream that Matthew was chasing a cartoon skunk! He chased it over rivers and through the woods, all over Manhattan, down a beach in the Keys, through a parade in LA... and it just kept blinking at him with it's small little cartoon eyes.... *blink blink*

So I woke up and I drew it in photoshop... what do you guys think? It is pretty friggin awesome, right? Yea, Pepe' La Peu... take that!

SXSW 2010

2010-03-22T21:26:00.018-04:00

SXSW just happened here in Texas. Downtown Austin was shut down for four days while 2,000 bands took over. Multitudes of free parties, free swag, free music taking up every few feet of space (even the restaraunt supply store across the road had a band playing). Bill Murray was pouring drinks at the Shangri-La, Neutral Milk Hotel was playing on a street corner, Perez Hilton had a big party... even GWAR was here! GWAR was giving away free prizes for whoever got covered in the most blood at their show....

We crammed four guests into our house - Dru, a gorgeous female music artist from Brooklyn, Pat's friend Johnny Wright who is studying Music Law in Detroit, my model friend Barbadoes Pearl from Dallas, and of course, My Matthew - Lots of nights of Apples to Apples, partying till we stumbled home on the bus, lots of sing alongs in the apartment - it has been a really fun week. Exhausting but worth every minute....

As for SXSW - I cannot stand lines! SXSW is FULL of lines - they are everywhere. I kept trying to see "big" "wellknown" bands for the first half of the week... Artists like Band of Horses, She and Him, Muse - but those lines will drive a person MAD! All that standing and doing nothing, standing and not moving - By Friday, I removed all the large bands from my schedule.... Matthew and I trekked over to the East Side, far far away from 6th street.... Visiting small venues, full of talented unheard of musicians (which I think is more of the spirit of SXSW anyways) - Bought all kinds of CDS - Been importing them into Itunes for the last hour....

Matthew.... my best friend, my other half, my gay best bud, my cock-nom-nom-nommer, my outdoor Burning Man pal.... is visiting me until the end of March. I am trying to convince him to leave Syracuse and to move to Texas to live with me ... In order to convince him to leave beautiful lush upstate NY, I am going to spend the majority of the next 10 days hiking, eating vegan food, laying in the sun, swimming, and working out till my limbs fall off...

Twestival 2010!

2010-03-22T21:16:00.008-04:00

Hanging out in Atlanta - Part 1

2010-03-16T14:31:00.004-04:00

Headed to Jamaica! Whoot!

2010-02-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

Travel: Make sure you have your passport and that it is signed. This is not the 80's when you could show a driver's license and get by, no passport means a quick flight home. (You have all traveled so no long diatribe).... The obvious rule these days is make sure that anything you cherish or need is carried on you (ie: computers, medicine, cameras etc). Your checked bags will be searched several times and things get lost/stolen all the time (Just ask London!!!). The less you carry, the faster Customs will be. Oh.....and by the way.....if you carry more than $10,000 cash you have to declare it.........I know London always has a bunch of money wadded up....he he he........... :-)

Jamaica general: You are all consenting adults (well..let's not get too crazy!!!) so no long safety lecture. If you have never traveled to this kind of place before it can be a bit odd. The resort areas will be lavish and wildly nice. The island will be lovely but the inhabitants basically live in poverty so there is much petty thievery and drug peddling etc. So the official advice we have gotten is to just be aware, pay attention and never travel alone.

Food: Food is one of the nice things at these places, but some basic food safety is smart. We have been advised not to drink the tap water even at the resort. This would also include ice machines too. Also if you order stuff like eggs cooked to order for breakfast make sure they are not runny etc. A story not to scare but a girl I work with in her 20's went to a resort in Jamaica last October and ended up in the hospital for 10 days with Salmonella. These occasions are rare but just be careful.

Resort: We have 3 rooms booked at the resort. One for us, one for Pat and London, and one for the rest of you. If you see a ball cap hanging on our doorknob don't knock!!! We are not sure if the rooms will be together or not as we have run of the house which means whatever is available. As we have already said it is all inclusive. This means all the food,drinks etc. All of the extra activities like spa, or whatever are extra. They serve breakfast,lunch and dinner. There are several choices for food a couple of which are restaurants that require reservations. The water park is free and is a part of our resort. The golf course is on site but costs extra. There is all kinds of entertainment on site and for you nite owls it ends by 2300.

General: There are shops all around us if you wanna use them so bring some cash (London usually has a wad of $100's crumpled up in her pocket if you need some). The dinner we will have on Monday nite will celebrate several Birthdays and any pregnancies that may exist.
Rules that may or may not be tailored to individuals...

Tops are optional for girls!!
Bottoms are required for boys!!
No sexual activity unless you are married (unless you are legitimately attempting to conceive a grandchild then by all means get to it!!!)
No JAVA,OS SCRIPTING (OR ANY SCRIPTING OF ANY KIND),PYTHON, LINUX, NO HACKING OF LOCAL WIRELESS NETWORKS, NO COMPUTER USE AT ALL UNLESS REGISTERED FULL TIME IN COLLEGE (IE: STUDYING JAPANESE ETC.)

Snowing in ATX

2010-02-23T14:50:00.009-05:00

Perrydactyl w/Hamster-friend

2010-02-22T17:27:00.002-05:00

Feb 2010 (Vday and Jamaicaday)

2010-02-19T18:25:00.025-05:00

Valentine's Day! Such a BS-Hallmark Holiday... Slaughter some roses, fatten your girlfriend up with chocolates, buy some fancy jewelry, hope you get laid... I know I sound pessimistic, but whatever.... "Oooh, sexy classy holiday of loveeee...." I informed Patrick long ago, if he ever did any of those things for me, I would leave him.... : )

Yet, this year.... we did celebrate a *tiny* bit -We attended the BurlesqueForPeace - A show benefiting Andrea Burden, a local artist, who passed away in December.... it was a really touching and entertaining show, Rebecca Havemeyer was there! She is easily one of the best comedians I have seen since arriving here in Austin....If you are in the Austin-area and need a great entertainer, she is highly recommended...! And if you do not need an entertainer, her website says that she will even babysit your children for money! Cannot beat that!

If you have not been reading my blog very long, this year my family did not celebrate Christmas - Instead, my mom called asking, "How would you feel about a family vacation in Montego Bay?" - Cue the Beachboys! ".. Oooh Montego, Jamacia, ooooh I want to take you to Bermuda, Bahamas..."- Like that was even a question!? Hell yes, Jamaica! All inclusive Hilton resort in Montego Bay with the whole Fam.... Momma, the husband, Patrick, myself, my little brother, his fiance', and my younger step brother. Pat and I even have our own room (which is oh-so-nice, cause I can be oh-so-bad!) Found the perfect bikini that actually fits my body (cost me $145, but it looks SO wonderful).... Really excited! Pat and I fly out on Saturday March 27th, meet up with the family in Montego, and make it home the day before my birthday.... *whooo!*