She said I was more than welcome to come home. Told her that I was traveling with a dog, she said, "The dog is welcome too." - Packed up my entire life, put it in my car, five days on the road from TX to NY. Pulled into Tully, SO happy to finally be safe and home for a bit - Mom was home, we drank coffee - Twenty minutes later, my Stepfather came stomping up the front steps, red in the face. He looked at my Mother, wild eyed, and said, "What? You thought I wasn't serious about the dog?" Slammed the door, drove away in a red cloud of anger.... Mom just sat there, fish mouthed, staring at me. Finally she goes, "He doesn't want the dog staying here. He doesn't like it." ".... ? ... But you told me that I could stay here with her? I am confused, I'm not getting rid of my dog." And Mom goes, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him over it. I am sure it will be ok, he will get used to her and it will be ok."
So I tell her "I won't stay in this house and make you fight for me. You should not *have* to fight for me. If I was one of his children, this would not be an issue - But we know it is not about the dog, it is about me..... Just wish that you told me about this earlier, I would have made other plans.... I wouldn't have come here, I wouldnt have driven 1,700 miles to be in this situation..." So I packed up all my stuff again and I said, "I think it will be better if I go somewhere else..."
She protested a bit, but said, "Yea, it is probably for the best... Do you have a place to stay? Lets do lunch next week...."
WHAT? Are you kidding me?... I know it sounds bitter... but.... Yea... That is what I need, Mom. Lunch. Yes. I drove 1700 miles for Lunch...
Not a big deal that I am homeless for the next month or so.... Not a big deal that you were not honest about fighting with my step father. Not a big deal that you just turned your only daughter away when she needed you most..... I've had 40 strangers, people in every area of the world, ofter me their homes, their vacation homes, bedrooms in their houses, with their families, with their friends, their kids.... 40 (this blogging/social networking community is unbelievable). Out of all those offers.... All I wanted was my Mother - I wanted her love and advice, her company, her positive outlook, her friendship... and I got offered lunch?.... Blah.
In the meantime - Matt says I have to stop dwelling on my problems. So we are driving to Vermont today, going to a festival in the woods.... I suppose it will take my mind off things for awhile. It will not fix my life or my situation much - but I could use a break for a bit....
Enjoy your Fourth of July! Enjoy your family and hug them a bunch!... : )
37 comments:
Sometimes I am not sure how you deal with all of this. I know you are sad, and your entire world is falling apart around you...but somehow you just manage to pull-out this amazing inner strength.
I DO NOT envy your current situation, but I do envy your strength in the midst of this mess. Good luck to you, London. Have a beautiful weekend, and my the weeks bring improvements for you.
Thinking of You! :o)
---J
You should leave some way to accept donations. There are legions of your fans who want to help...
i would be careful what you write...
I wish there was something I could say or do to make all this stuff go away. Hard as it is, just keep moving. Dwelling doesn't do any good. Remember two things: 1. It takes some time for Karma to come around, & 2. You have a lot of people out there thinking about you. We hope that smile we all love comes back real soon.
Thinking of you Pally.
=)
So so so sorry you are going through all of this. Your mother is going to realize someday what she did... but you are going to get through this. And remember... Wisconsin isn't that far away.... ;P
I’ve had my hopes, dreams smashed and everything I thought was rock solid pulled out from under me. When these unfortunate twists of life happen to us, it’s important to be thankful each morning for the good things that are in our life. Start your day out being thankful before breakfast. Surround yourself with “good” people and let them help you. Sometimes that’s hard to do. But remember good people do that and ask nothing in return. I also like the saying “It’s only when we lose everything that we are free to do anything.”
Don't know what you think, but they say that when your having a tough time there are four things to pick your spirits up...
1 Friends (no doubt you have no shortage of these, being the interesting person that you are.)
2 Exercise (this one works great for me, helps me clear my head and get into a positive place.)
3 Humor (there is a comic that I am reading right now that is pretty Hilarious. It is called Tende Freeze by Isutoshi. It is pretty easy to find it online to download or read. The artist has a great sense of humor and I think nails the ways that guys and girls think in a pretty entertaining way.)
4 ...
Though your future may seem uncertain, stay positive, both about yourself and about the direction that your life is headed. If you are not happy with the direction that you are headed, it is always easy to steer a new course... Take care :)
Spirit, always it leaves for ahead. Many kisses for you.
Move to PORTLAND! It is considered one of the friendliest cities in the US. You will have a new family of friends in no time!
Tallahassee.
It's sad that we can have a closer relationship with strangers than with our families. I can more than understand what you are going through. But know that there are many people out here who support you. More people read your blog and really care for you than you know. You have the strength to get beyond this. Praying for you.
-Another lost soul
Hi London. I'm truly sorry you had to experience this awful rejection at "home", I use quotes because, after reading your blog for several years and thinking about you as my friend (though we've never met), I believe you have a home in the minds and hearts of people who care about you. Granted, this does not equate to a low rent stable home, I hope it makes a difference.
I'll do my best to research rent places for you in Syracuse, to help you have some alternatives when your stay with Matthew is over.
Hugs!
Hey, it's me. I hadn't looked at your blog nor have we spoken in ages, but I glanced @ your twitter and saw what was going on.
I'm sorry you're going through this but hey, maybe now is the time for you to think about that change in your course that you'd been thinking about a long time ago. You know the one, where you were going to switch directions, go to school... You could enroll in college, get some financial aid rolling, Lord knows you'd probably qualify for all kinds of grants at your income level.
And try to look at the family thing objectively. It's not your *entire* family that turned, it's a guy who isn't even related to you.
Breakups are hard to deal with, but with time, the pain becomes manageable. They say that you take the number of years that you were in love with him, and divide it in half, and after that period of time has passed, your heart will be back in good shape again. So, say you were with Patrick for 5 years? - 2 1/2 years from now, you'll be feeling peachy. I know that seems like a long time, but maybe knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel helps. It always helped me...
Whatever you do, though, you know your worth and your value. You know who you are. Don't lose sight of that. Be good to yourself; treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated; stay away from skanky men; and never, never buy cheap toilet paper. The rest will work itself out.
I promise.
Annette
The situation is messed up for sure, but Matt is right. Better to look forward than backward. You have lots of people around the country who will be more than happy to take you into their family so you should take advantage of that, tour around and expand your family. No modeling, just hanging. You never know what opportunities you might find along the way.
Keep in mind that there are always we humans out here who genuinely care for the well-being of other humans. Even those we've never even met.
I wish you all the best!
I hope you recover, I know you can. Stand strong!
Enjoy your 4th.
Know you are being held in the light, London. Know that the Universe has this path for you as much as you have made it because it is meant to happen and you and everyone in your life you have and will ever touch will grow because of you. You are a loving soul who loves deeply and genuinely. I know you will emerge the better for all this, and will hold you in light for whatever support I can offer. I'm in Albany, NY, and if I ever get a space to share with you and mom-dog I will make the offer. Have faith. Your fans and friends and loved ones do. Draw from us. - jeffrey.h.winter@gmail.com
Make it 41. If you're interested in trying life in a small Illinois river town 100+ miles from a real city (St. Louis). OK, I'm clearly not selling this well. Trust me, life is pretty simple here, and very affordable.
-jc
I honey, I know I have offered for you to stay and I know I live in Joplin, MO in the middle of nowhere, but it's in the middle of the country at the same time. You can go anywhere from here and you're already in half way there! LOL.... Anyway, you can stay here for as long as you want, I have an extra room and a back yard, not the biggest but a place to run for Momdog. I don't charge rent or anything so I will say, sincerely, you have a place to stay here for as long as you want. Hugz and good karma from Doug in Joplin.
I'm sorry, this is almost too much to go through at the same time... however, you've got friends who love you...it's ok to lean on them right now until you figure things out. Be safe and be strong...
It must be almost unbearable hard to be in Your situation.
In my younger life , between 16 and 19 I stayed most at friends and was just home for sleeping. My parents and I could not connect at that time. moved out at 21. My mom proclaimed that it was natural to spend more time with frieds.... ( more yes, but ALL ? )
My life and feelings were too different then...Though it was hard to bear, that everyone else loved me, but my parents, I took it for granted that it was NOT MY FAULT. and lived my life . In a way that made me happy.which I still am.
And now parents are coming and enjoying to be guest in my life.
You said, Matt and You are roaring for a new life.
To get away and reconstitute oneself from a neutral and relaxed base, as my house, is to suggest.
I would really like to invite You two to Norway and my little house, to the serenity and the pure, clear nature.
Could really do with some extra hands to move stuff, furniture and boxes,do some cutting of panel planks to get the remaining walls finished inside more quickly, cut up old building materials to firewood, move some plants around the futurous garden....
As I have to work during the days, that could happen a bit during the evenings and week-ends...
So the days are to Yourself what You fell like!
time for mountain trips, sight seeing... should be there too...
If You could accept a little financial help for those jobs, I could help You two, if You want to come, with one return flight ticket of the two required.
Time is right for me and if You both don't know where to go, why not escape on holiday to Norway?
To stay with a friend and enjoy vegetarian food and fish if desired.
Stay with me for as long as You like, two or four weeks is no problem. Just book one way ticket and take the return as it suits You ?
Maybe something sorts itself out in Your thoughts by then?
Of course You can connect to the Internet from my house anytime!
Norway is drowning in rain for the moment, but it is very beautiful and fairly warm around this time of year.
Nights are very light, though the sun goes down here for a few hours.
sending some good vibes Your way anyway!
greet the namesake, please!
I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I honestly have to say that I really respect how much you love your animals. So many people would have just given up the dog, but you take the harder road so that you can keep her. You're such a good person, good things will come your way I'm sure. In the mean time, stay strong (I know you will!), Things always work themselves out in the end!
London, hang in there. I can image how you must feel. Going home often seems like the last refuge someone should have. Then getting booted by someone who should unconditionally love you seems pretty rotten. I can see where you would feel lost, angry and a lot of other feelings mashed up inside you. I will keep you in my prayers London. Try not to get down on yourself, attitude makes a huge difference when facing troubles. I'll be wishing you the best and I hope you have an enjoyable 4th. Kepp us posted, okay.
London, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I've been through that with my family, so I can sympathize. If you find yourself in Portland, OR and need anything, please let me know. I'd love to help...my email is lifewithdale@gmail.com. I will also give my other contact info through your Facebook/twitter. Please take care and let me know if I can do anything!
London, hang in there. I can image how you must feel. Going home often seems like the last refuge someone should have. Then getting booted by someone who should unconditionally love you seems pretty rotten. I can see where you would feel lost, angry and a lot of other feelings mashed up inside you. I will keep you in my prayers London. Try not to get down on yourself, attitude makes a huge difference when facing troubles. I'll be wishing you the best and I hope you have an enjoyable 4th. Keep us posted, okay.
sorry but I don't think you should wash your dirty linen in public London.. an immature post from you.
There is a phrase In my country:
"You look good with your family - only in the picture"
Rough days will be gone
Now it's time for catarsis
After this you will be "clean", new person, with new possibilitys.
ps: i was in similar situation with my family. i now the pain and anger.
ps2: in my hard days i always listen this two songs
1. "always look on the bright side of life" - from Life of Brian
2.Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush "Don't Give Up"
lot's of hugs for You and for Mom dog
Hey Jess,
Hang on to Matt he is a GREAT friend. They say that "Friends are the Family you choose."
Hang in there keep a positive attitude and it WILL turn around.
I appreciate what your going through. Relationships are hard. Knowing when to fight for it or to walk away is really difficult. I've been a single parent for over a decade now n my daughters turning 12. Haven't dated many women, because it was tough to manage. Now I'm engaged and we live together. She and my daughter have really bonded which is great. We are having a tougher time dealing with joined finances. She makes way more than I do n is not used to having to think about the budget when she wants to buy things. Well, now she does. Money is tight. Kids are expensive.
I guess, my point is that all relationships have challenges. I'm just trying to figure out do I stay in it for me, my kid or just move on. Do I really need to be married? Not sure what to do. Life is never easy...
Man, that's jacked up, but you will be fine. Most of America is a paycheck away from being in the same boat. My girl has been out of work for a year, bills r piling up and our relationship is strained, I just keep pushing forward, even though things seem to be getting worse. All I can tell you is keep your spirits up, continue your modeling and try and get back on your feet, you are a gorgeous woman inside out, eventually things will balance out.
Anonymous fan
Stay up Ms.Andrews virtually everyone has these types problems, they will pass eventually
Hey sorry to hear of your troubles London, believe it or not we all go through times like these sometimes....Just hang in there and I know things will turn out better in time :-)
Richard B. in the sunny UK
I read your latest post (first time even on a blog of any kind) and it really made me want to start one...which I did! Your post, your story, is a sheer indication of life...beauty and ugly. Cliche for the ages...LIFE IS A BITCH, but I'm sure you appreciate her. Please continue to write because literary/written emotions are disappearing in our society. :-)
By the way: Your super pretty!(sorry, male moment)
Well, if you ever decide to flee to The Netherlands... My mom's house has been empty for a while now. You're welcome.
Peter from The Netherlands.
no one wants to go through life thinking they cannot go home, to parents with open arms.i am not going to bash your mothers actions, but deep down you mother has chosen your step-fathers feeling over your NEEDS. I pray that she comes to her senses along with your step-father, and they open your home to you and your Dog. it sounds like you need support now.. not excuses.
david from dallas
And I just want to give you a big consoling hug. Hoping you find that silver lining soon.
Look at all this love. :)
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