Saturday, September 26, 2009

Model wrote me:

A particular model wrote me the other day, a girl that I hear from now and then... I thought I would share our most recent conversation:

Model writes: "I need to ask a question. I ask you because you are the most experienced of models I know. There is a photographer I have shot with 3 times so far. Yesterday he paid me and as I was leaving, he told me he has a breast fetish. He likes to massage breasts and suck on nipples. He said he would pay me my usual fee if I would let him do that next time instead of shooting. No sex or anything else. I told him I would think about it and let him know. At first I was like hell no but after thinking about it I am sort of wanting to do it. I need the money and something makes me think it might be fun. (I am a very sexual person btw) So my question is would I be wrong to do it? Is there a models code that says I cant do it? Im really torn here. Can you help me? Please tell me what I should do."

Model writes: "....I know this sounds wrong but I dont have a boyfriend right now so a little attention might be nice. Thanks!:

Model writes a few days later: "I did it. It was a little creepy but I warmed up. He was nice to me, gentle, good hands. I think I like him a little. We booked another session for next Friday, same thing but he wants me to shower naked with him after. Is this really wrong? It feels like I am really doing something wrong, but at the same time I sort of enjoy it. Am I getting into something I shouldn't be? Am I becoming a whore? "

What kind of advice do you think I should give her?  -- One thing to shoot with a photographer..... totally different thing to take a naked shower with one!  Hmmmmm... Maybe you guys can comment on this blog and I can send the link to her.... ?


Derek B. said...

My first thought was that it's a dude expositioning for jerk-off material, but I guess one never knows. Either way I'm not sure I'd want to give advice on this sort of thing'll just get blamed if/when something eventually goes bad down the line. Some things people just need to figure out for themselves.

JRtist said...

It's been my experience that if you feel you're doing something wrong, then you are... within yourself you know right and wrong and the level you'll go before you hit 'wrong'.

I'd say the guy, no matter if you're used to shooting with him or not is testing the waters to see how far he can go before you say no... personally... I think this would be a good time to say no. Next will pry be... oral sex... or some other fetish that will eventually lead up to sex.

That's my convoluted thinking tho. I'd at least say the first paragraph of my response however.

Chris Taylor said...

Hard cases make for bad law, as they say.

From a hermeneutical standpoint even erotic photography services goals other than simple arousal. But remove the art component and that's all that's left.

Being lonely and needing the money doesn't seem like a great rationale for pushing personal boundaries. If she enjoyed the fetish herself and then thought she might generate additional revenue by "going commercial" that would at least seem more naturalistic and unforced. Doing what you love, as opposed to learning to love what you do.

But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that if she really enjoyed this and had no doubts whatsoever, then she wouldn't be soliciting advice from anybody. Instead it seems as if this model is seeking some way of rationalising something she is intrinsically uncomfortable with.

Maybe it would be better for her to stick with that which doesn't generate "hell no" gut feelings, and leave that aspect to others who do not share those reservations.

PD said...

At first read, you might be right. It sounds like a set up. So you keep your eyes & ears open too.

If it a is a model, it sounds like she may be getting into something that could come back & bite her later. What you told her about trust & feeling safe was good. My question is: What happens if she finds a boyfriend & this photographer keeps calling? Then what? I guess it comes down to what one is comfortable with. Hope this is some help.

ninjaphoto nudes said...

No bueno. Not a good idea. Just my opinion. It just doesn't sound like a good path to be on.

Laura Sherman said...

Good advice all around so far. It's hard for us to know exactly what to suggest, when we don't know her at all. I'm with you... If he's someone she's comfortable with, knows well enough, then she should be able to do what she wants. However, getting "paid" for it is creepy. Especially, with her saying she thinks she likes him now. If that's the case stop taking payment (provided all other "security" factors fall into place). I also agree, if you "feel" it's wrong, probably is (I think it is, getting paid for it).

My gut says she's naive and she doesn't know what she's getting into, which is why she's reaching out for advice. Therefore, I say it should stop.

I hope she doesn't get hurt.

MCH said...

Doesnt take a genius to see where this is leading "I'll pay the usual fee if we can have sex"

I would suggest stopping it at the breast thing.

Jim in Huntsville said...

One session is paid fondling and sucking and then he wants to have a shower? I agree with JRtist, he is pushing the envelope each time to see how far she will go, with sex (straight, fetish, or otherwise) being the ultimate goal. If your model enjoys being an escort, and her safety needs are met, then she might just admit it and press on with her dual career.

Kevin said...

He's pushing his luck, wearing her down. Either date him (no $$), or stop it before it's out of control.

vikingman said...

Not so very easy to comment,
to define the line between tempting, uncomfortable, nice but beyond usual, too far off every day....

Very hard to judge, as it is entirely up to those two, how much they want and don't, and suddenly feel uncomfortable with.

To me it always helps
to create a definately "worst possible case scenario" and try to take actions against it happening, makes me feel mastering the situation.


D2L2 said...

As a photographer I think he is stepping over a boundary that once it is breached is not one that can be re-established. Definitely not a good idea on her part to let this continue.

ChayoteMu said...

my response would be to point out "It feels like I am really doing something wrong, but at the same time I sort of enjoy it. Am I getting into something I shouldn't be? Am I becoming a whore?"

any time you're asking such a question you know the answer, just don't want to admit it to yourself. *shrug* she's definitely looking at trouble in the future though, a guy using those tactics is rarely as nice as he seems.

Dubbayoo said...

Everyone so far is dead on.

Anonymous said...

London -

She likes the attention, she likes the money, she wants to do this without feeling bad about her self, so she wants you to give her permission. Will telling her its okay really make her feel better about taking money for sexual favors? Does this make you her mama? LOL Does this mean that if you say it's okay and something bad happens, she can say, it's not my fault, London said it was okay? Can't she bear the burden of these decisions by herself without involving third parties? I don't know, I just figure she's immature if she had to even ask if this was acceptable behavior for a professional model...

My advice to her would be: get a fucking clue. Accept it for what it is - if you want to do it, do it, if you don't, don't.

I'm being kind of a bitch today, though, so don't mind me.

hugs and stuff!!


roland said...

scary stuff ,walk away find another to tell the isnt for sale!

semi234 said...

"Sweetie, I'm giving you the same basic advice. If you wish to do/try this AND you feel comfortable doing so, that's completely your choice. There can be unintended consequences both good & ill. But its ultimately going to come down to what YOU want to do, not necessarily of what others think you should do."

Anonymous said...

ummm - would it be completely transparent to want to find this models contact info?

It also sounds like she could like the attention, and although the photographers method was completely wrong the end result could be a relationship.

Chris Taylor said...

I know I'm old-fashioned, but there is always the slight possibility that you can have a relationship with someone without suckling on their boobs in exchange for payment being the first step. =)

There is usually an easier, less alarming way, like "There's a Bergman film festival next week, would you like to go?"

Skipping over even the most banal social interaction and heading straight for "howzabout I pay you something for activity X?" doesn't tell me the guy wants a relationship. I could be wrong though.

If Model Z is okay with no-strings fetish/booty calls, that's fine, great—but her email leads us to believe she's not, really.

London Andrews said...

She wrote me back on MM: "Thank you so much for doing the blog. All your friends seem to be loud and clear that what I am doing is not right. They are also right when they say I already know its wrong. I'm not going to shoot or anything else with him anymore

Too much temptation and I need to get away from it. Thank you for helping me see it."

Whoooo.... great advice, you guys. : ) Just thought I would share... : )

Anonymous said...

I'm going to give a contrary view. I see nothing wrong with the model enjoying attention from the photog. The situation is going to end up with him asking for sex, but frankly, it sounds like the model wouldn't be against that. If she's interested in him she should just tell him and they can stop couching things as a photoshoot and start just calling it a relationship, even if it is just physical.

Hitting on models at a shoot isn't a good thing, but if you talk and you like each other, there's no reason not to continue things when you're not shooting.

JRtist said...

Thanks for sharing the response London.

Anonymous said...

Well, you had to open the door didn’t you! Oh I know, you were just needing a little help for a friend. LOL!

So, your friend the model needs some guidance. Well, why limit this to jut this one incident? One of the great truths in life is that we are the sum total of our experiences. This is true, yet so few of us grasp that one learns from the good and the bad. Where wisdom enters the images is when after a point we are able to make right decisions instead of wondering what is a correct answer.

Your friend needs a guide in life, many of us do, especially as we start out the door to a life where we are suppose to be the one at the wheel of or life. A simple answer will be found in a rather small short book, “The Heart of Man” by Eric Fromm.

She will find a vary good response to her inquiry, yet she will also begin down the road of right decision making. This is not a difficult thing to understand, Fromm explains it all in clear simple terms. What becomes the hard part is to put the practice into action. Once this begins, as Fromm is so clear to explain, right decision making becomes ‘easier’ with each new decision. It also helps one to construct a life in which conflicts do not slip out of hand, ever.

That is my response, I would ask any one and everyone to look into this writing.